Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Why Are You Jealous Dear?

Someone shared a story about the early years of her marriage. She said she had just got born again and she knew her husband was quite a ladies man. She knew she couldn't stop him from doing anything he wanted to do, so she prayed for him to get saved also. He did get saved and confessed that every time he was with one of those girls, he just couldn't perform.

Have you ever come across a man who gets aggravated when his wife goes out alone. He is so scared that she will fall into the arms of someone richer or more interesting that he just can't stop going through her phone, her bag (for cards) and any other place he might come across any incriminating evidence. Or the woman who after going through her husband's phone goes through his pockets, smells his shirt, even checks out his location via Google maps (No, i'm not kidding). She can't follow him to work or on any of his business trips but if he dares miss a call...let's just say, you would not want to be in his shoes.

Jealousy actually does have an important place in intimate relationships. It lets you know you are valued and someone would go to great lengths not to lose you. But that is where it ends, the accompanying suspicion, insecurity and rage create a downward spiral that can suck the beauty out of a marriage.

Some men or women say they have seen so many marriages destroyed by infidelity that they are afraid their spouse might find someone more interesting or beautiful or wealthy. Unconsciously they become private investigators to prevent this. My question is,  "does this make you more attractive?" By monitoring every call, text, mail, and his locations on Google maps; does this make you more interesting? more appealing?

Every jealous, insecure spouse who blames his actions on what he has seen happen instead of on himself or herself is either obsessed with the fear that his or her spouse might cheat or is just addicted to snooping? From speaking with loads of ladies, and being one myself, I have come to the realization that every married woman desires her husband to be so intertwined, so passionate, so engrossed in their love that he sees no one else. Then work on that instead of looking for a needle in a stack of other needles. What a waste of time and energy it would be, to spend years worrying about whether your spouse is faithful or not instead of enjoying the spouse who you love so much and nurturing that love in order for it to grow to the point where you are confident that the bond you both share is so tight that nobody can come between you.

Emotional integrity is key for any successful relationship. If he has cheated before and you forgave him, put it behind you and give him another chance. Yes, you are scared it will happen again but one must accept that we cannot control others. Make it clear that he or she should avoid anything that will provoke suspicion. Your relationship has been contaminated, but by reminding yourself and your spouse at every given opportunity you are only creating a wedge between both of you.

Remember, to those who have, more shall be given, to those who have not, even what they have shall be taken away.

There will always be ladies and men who don't care if a man or woman is married or not but true peace can only be found when we walk in a straight line and commit our spouses unto God for Him to help he or she to do the same.

Ijeoma Olujekun

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