Thursday, January 24, 2013

Why Should I get Married?

Why marry
I was on the phone for a long time with a very good friend who I had not seen for a long time. He expressed his concerns over his current relationship which seemed to have come to an end. His heart was obviously heavy as he expressed his dismay at the thought of starting the search for a "wife" all over again because, in his view, there are hardly any marriageable girls out there. 

His major concern was in the area of sexual abstinence; he is "born-again" but complained of the difficulty in maintaining his status in the face of his sexual urges. I had to ask him "Why do you want to get married? Many people get married for the wrong reasons. Some because they think they are too old to be single; others because of what they fantasize about marriage. Some others (especially women)  think they have to start a family quickly because they believe they have very limited time and are afraid nobody will want them if they get older. Some others because of the man's wealth. 

Some men think because they have achieved economic success, they think the next hurdle in life is to get married; to have wife to add to the other acquisitions. Others might think they need to get married because they have reached the age that society dictates is the right age to marry and some just marry to gain residency in economically advanced countries. 

Marriage should be the legitimate bond of two people with the cement of love, knowing they love each other enough to promise themselves to each other for life. In sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer. It is these innate qualities of genuine love and spiritual compatibility that pull couples together like the opposite poles of the magnet and it is the same qualities that ensure the permanence of the union from the very beginning. A lot of the divorce and immorality prevalent today is down to people thinking that, in order to have the liberty of having sex, financial security or social status, one just needs to get married. 

They ignore the conditions for genuine marriage - genuine love, spiritual and emotional compatibility, maturity and they end up marrying the wrong person. This sham marriage is thus doomed from the start and the result is divorce or an empty marriage where happiness disappears. Genuine love and compatibility between couples in a marriage that is according to the laws of God manifest in supreme happiness. Like the poles of the magnet, the couples are inseparable no matter the earthly trials. The happiness that emanates from such a home is so infectious that even strangers who are a little observant will notice it. 

God's will for us is to be happy, an overflowing happiness that comes from deep within the soul while in obeying His laws that are indelibly written on our hearts. Someone put it this way "Different "notes" that emanates from the spirit of intending couples form a music (harmony) or noise (disharmony). Two people may be good according to the laws of God but they are not compatible because the qualities that each person carry can not form a harmonious union. Instead of complementing each other, they will repel each other. The north pole of a magnet complements the south pole, hence the attraction but the same poles are incompatible, hence the repulsion. One characteristic of a union where these conditions are fulfilled is the inner happiness that bubbles in such couples irrespective of their earthly conditions." 

Today's thriving pop-psychology industry caters to shallow relationships, in my mum's era the hits were " I'm saving all my love for you..." now it's all about "Your-waist-your-waist, all I want is your waist...Yvonne Nelson I have your medicine" But I digress. There are obvious issues with perversion and immorality. A man or woman who is inwardly pure does not indulge in secret or open impure wishes and desires. 

Christians should not be victims of the over cultivated sexual instinct, rather the fact that their marriage is a union of soul mates enables the couples to attract and absorb the purifying Grace of God. A couple that has absorbed of this power are transformed human beings whose only desire is to bring joy and happiness to the beloved and not to soil him or her with impure wishes and desires. 

Indeed, a marriage that is made in heaven is the best solution to cure man's morbid sexual instinct and return this instinct to its healthy state. Sexual instinct in its healthy state does not torment men, rather, it is a gift of God which finds consumation in the confines of marriage and is in accord with the will of God. Today, sexual instinct in many has become impure, that is the reason many a man or woman find it difficult to control. It's also the reason why many cannot be in a relationship without harbouring open or secret sexual desires and sometimes perversion. Real, unbreakable love which has received a higher consecration from the power of God eliminates any desire for another man or another woman. 

The observation that nowadays many couples in married unions still openly or secretly harbour sexual desires about another man or woman that is not his spouse is a sign that, that marriage did not fulfil the criteria for a genuine union in the first place or that one or both partners have stagnated and have refused to develop and nurture their relationship. How does a tendril of yam seek sunlight once a yam seed is sowed in a fertile soil? Seeking the sunlight is natural to it because that is the way God made it. 

The union of a man and a woman who have sought the face of God follows the same process as a tendril of yam. The sexual instinct is relegated to where it naturally belongs. Man did not start off as being imperfect, whatever imperfection you find in man is brought about by man himself by the misapplication of his free will. Man can restore himself to "perfection" by aligning his free will with the will of God. If one swims in sync with the water current, one will be carried ashore with effortless ease. If one swim against the current, one will waste all his energy and will get drowned. The same applies to how one applies himself to the Word of God. 

There are many people already who are not slaves to their sexual instincts. The idea that humans are imperfect and have no control over the sexual instinct is so wrong it lulls us into the delusion that we are helpless in these matters. No, we are not helpless, for the power of GOD is always ready to free anyone from the bondage of sexual propensity provided such a person asks for help genuinely. My husband says there is nothing that falls from the sky that the ground cannot contain. 

Men and women who are in search of the person meant for them do not need to travel all the continents looking for a soul mate. If they pray and allow the small still voice within them to grow and not forcefully silence it, then, they will very easily identify the man or woman who is theirs. Experiencing such a true marriage will give them the conviction that indeed there is such thing as a match made in heaven. 

Ijeoma Olujekun

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