Friday, January 18, 2013

Marriage After Baby - Be Prepared

New Born Arrival
Yesterday we talked about keeping wifey happy during pregnancy but after the baby comes, it's a whole new world. It is very easy to just take it for granted that things will just go back to normal; no more shopping for bottles and sippy cups and  clothes from 0-3 months in anticipation of the little one, wifey has healed, the bump is gone, so she can resume her conjugal duties, baby's room is cute and pretty and everyone is happy.

Unfortunately, people spend more time decorating the nursery than preparing the relationship for the arrival of a baby

Numerous studies have shown that a couples' satisfaction with their marriage takes a nose dive after the first child is born. There are lots and lots of couples that have marriage problems after baby. Babies are difficult and they require a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice. All the change, the new schedule, the lack of sleep, the crying, it can wreak havoc on the strongest relationship and the next thing you know, the happiest couple is suddenly dealing with marriage problems after the baby's birth.

One of my sister in-laws told me that a baby puts a strain on the marriage and so I wasn't  caught totally unawares, but I told her it wouldn't happen to me. But after the dynamics of girlfriend to fiancee to wife and then mother, my number one problem was time, and for my husband and I, it all happened quite fast. We were living in the same house but I missed him, we never got time to spend with each other because once he was around, all I wanted to do was sleep, then morning came and it was creche for baby, school for me and work for him.

Then it came to me, stress and change can either make you stronger or rip you apart. We were definitely getting ripped apart. This was my marriage so I had to do something about it.  Neither of us were willing to give up. We worked really hard and a lot of it was an uphill battle but we didn't give up.

Things still had their ups and downs, but we made it. We survived and we got stronger. The first couple of months were still pretty awful, but as time went by it got better. And better and better and better. Over the last six months we have gone from fighting a lot, to almost never fighting at all. And when we do, it is over in minutes and we move on. No more week long fights. Things have been really good and we've been happy. Marriage after baby was suddenly OK and we were going to make it.

Churches do pre-marital counseling but I think they should add pre-baby counseling too. People would discuss baby-related responsibilities, money issues, sex related expectations and social lives. For now, keep in mind that marriage after the baby is different and instead of just free-styling it, talk things through with your partner and consciously take steps to maintain that special bond. Wives need to remember that they should reserve  some affection for daddy too and husbands should try to lighten the load because the butt of parental responsibility rests on mummy most of the time. 

Lastly, it has to be you, your spouse and GOD. 

Ecclesiastes 4:12 "A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."

Ijeoma Olujekun.

1 comment:

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    perry jordan from United Kingdom


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