Thursday, July 9, 2015

Don't Date Down To Settle Down

There is a dilemma faced by almost every woman I know- the dilemma of choice. We struggle to choose the right shoes for an outfit or the right bag that gives the right colour blocking effect. We struggle to choose who we should date, why we think they are the best choice, and even after finding the perfect man, we struggle with the right theme for the wedding, the perfect dress etc. Some of these choices are easily resolved by inputs from more experienced friends, but when it comes to matters of the heart, the dilemma of choice spreads into so many dimensions. 

No woman wants to come across as a gold digger even when she knows she ought to be digging gold. No woman wants to be seen as one who came just for the good life, even though the good life is what she deserves after all her hard work. So the dilemma of choice begins- to go for the sacrificial love society has painted as the true kind of love, or to go for the love that considers emotions as well as other socio-economic factors that you wouldn't dare say out loud for fear of being crucified by your peers, or being called shallow and selfish. 

This is why many women date down; we are constantly taught that if we are in relationships with men who do not deserve us, relationships where we give, give and give till there is nothing left of us, then our love must be true. How sad?! This is where the core of abuse lies.

We end up with cheats, emotional abusers who do not care about how badly their words scar us, and even physical abusers who would not dare scratch their raggedy old furniture, but wouldn't mind tearing off our skin in a bid to show their masculinity. It is high time we stopped dating down and start dating what and who we deserve. Love is not only about giving, it is about receiving too. Many women and men date down simply to fulfill society's desires of holy matrimony as soon as possible so they can tick it off their achievement list. Afterall, no one wants to be left behind. But I ask... what's the point of joining the wagon if unhappiness will follow you for the rest of your life? What's the point of being with someone who you cannot connect with intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and yes financially? Is getting married more important than happiness? I should hope not. 

Stop dating down simply because you're scared of being left behind. Some cheating yourself everyday by being with someone who does not deserve you in any way. Stop sacrificing your whole self for love without getting anything back. Stop rolling with characters you cannot connect with, who cannot comprehend your dreams all because you want to match up to people's expectations and assure them you are not a gold digger as they might assume. Take pride in who you are and do not apologise for it! Date what you deserve, who you deserve and who genuinely makes you happy.  It is better to be single than to be with someone who makes you feel like your relationship is a mission you need to tick off your list every single day! XOXO

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