Tuesday, May 21, 2013

7 reasons why your husband may no longer be romantic

One of the frequent issues women raise during counselling sessions is that their husbands are no longer romantic. They complain that the husbands do not tell them that "they love them", do not do romantic things anymore, e.t.c.

Unfortunately on another hand, most men do not know that they are unromantic unless their wives tell them or complain to them.

Here are some of the reasons that most men forget about romance months after marriage. Before we state the reasons, I will like to refer to the definition of "Romance" in light of this blog post. 

According to wikipedia, Romance is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love.
  1. After the wedding, the wooing stops. Men use every trick in the good ole trusty book to win their prizes - the women. Some of these tricks might include taking women to dinner, buying flowers e.t.c  However, when all is said and done and the woman is in the house, the "book of tricks" is tossed out of the window. The book has outlived its usefulness!
  2. Romance is expensive. Haven't you noticed that almost everything boils down to money when a man becomes a husband or a father? So when some men think about romance, they visualise the cost of the dinner at the fancy restaurant; the cost of flowers. Some men equate romance with expenses.
  3. How do you expect me to be romantic after a hectic work schedule? When a man thinks of all the stress at work, the unnerving traffic to and from work, the last thing on his mind is romance. He is tired and worn out. To even smile and laugh with you can be an effort.
  4. A man can only give out of what he has received. Some men grow up without being hugged or even shown any affection. They grow up thinking showing affection is a sign of weakness. Now how can a man who did not receive any form of love show love? 
  5. Some men don't understand their wives' love languages. As far as some men are concerned, they equate buying gifts and presents with romance. They do not understand that even spending time with their spouses can be romantic. If a man does not understand his wife's perception of romance and love, how can he address it?. 
  6. He no longer finds you attractive. After marriage, some couples let themselves go. Some men may find it difficult to tell their wives that they no longer find them attractive. So if he does not find you attractive, he may not be inclined to be romantic towards you.
  7. There is resentment/or anger in the marriage. There's no bigger passion killer than resentment and anger. Both build up and can be a dangerous pair. If there is any unresolved conflict in a marriage and it is suppressed, there can be no romance in the home.
Now that I have shared these 7 reasons, it is up to every couple to work on bringing back the romance in the marriage. 

Let's start with the fact that Romance and Love is an essential ingredient in every marriage. It sustains the spark in every marriage. If it is absent, both partners are condemned to a boring life which is dangerous.

My Advice is this.
  1. Both partners talk about the need for romance and love in their marriage.
  2. Bothe partners discuss and confirm how they perceive love and romance. Each should understand the other's love language. (If you don't know what a love language is, please read the post on the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman.
  3. For the wife: If you husband does not really know how to be romantic, teach him.
  4. Discuss and clear the air about any unresolved conflict. It will go a long way to heal open wounds and help in promoting love in the marriage. 
  5. For the wife: If your husband feels you are "Fat", work on your body. Take time to drop those kilos and look attractive. 
  6. Finally, Communicate, Communicate Communicate. Always set aside time to share the love that was made you come together.
Stay Blessed.


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