I’d love to welcome you all to a new month- and it’s also my birth month :D. There are times I forget the months are rolling by but times like now when it looks like time stopped for me to appreciate it, I get overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. I do flip backs in my head and take note of lessons learnt over the past period.
I remember that while growing up I was one of the most level headed kids anyone could ever come across. My paternal grandma looked at me curiously one day and asked if I had ever gotten angry. I smiled back at her and lost myself in thoughts trying to see if there ever was a time that I was outraged. Nothing was just capable of pressing my buttons and I used to pride myself on that.
I know you all are wondering why I shared that bit. Well, let’s say as the years rolled by, I discovered I am not born with the special trait never to get upset. Matter of fact, I have lost counts of the times I had lost my cool and all the periods are within courting my husband and saying those two words ‘I do’. It’s kind of ironical how the person I made up my mind to spend the rest of my life with is the same person that knows the location of my nerves.
I guess I can’t play much of the blame game ‘cause I know one of my falls is living more in my ideas than reality, I have pictures of ‘perfect’ scattered all over my head. I have allowed myself soak in this pool of fantasy that reality gets me upset. Well, I had to deal with myself and see I am not close to perfect either. However one thing that kept recurring is how I tell my husband ‘he is forgiven’ but I never forget. I have caught myself playing back some of his past mistakes and fueling a new anger for something he did that is totally non relatable.
At some point, I had to agree that I had a major issue; I just didn’t understand the concept of forgiveness. I felt forgiving him and him repeating or doing something else wrong meant he was taking me for granted. Good thing is I recite the Lord’s Prayer everyday and the part that says for God to forgive our trespasses like we do others and the irony of my anger and state of mind hit me. It was like I was given a new torch with which to see life. If God remembers every time we sin against him and judges us based on that even after we have asked for His forgiveness, most of us won’t be here. The past month is one of those months where I made a silent promise to myself to let things that are not important slide, unscrew the knots around my jaws and enjoy life knowing that I am also far from perfect.
Thing is I have been able to see some of those things that got me upset ain't things that even matter and most things are to be dealt with in the light of their immediate circumstances. Carrying around old baggage of things done in the past hurt me more than it does any good. We are both in a good place now and still learning. Life is full of lessons afterall.
Please share your experiences using the comment box. It’s always a joy hearing and learning from your stories. Cheers.
