Thursday, July 21, 2016

Unveiling the other side of Female Bosses

Working to earn a living in today's work environment has gone beyond the financial gains alone but struggling to rise and climb through the ladder to get to the top. In time past, most people seen at the peak of their career are usually male with the exception of few female top executives.

In today's world however, achievement at the work place does not only include financial returns but also being seen at the top of the ladder as the Head.

Unfortunately, female top executives have been seen in bad light as most of them tend to be harsh, unfriendly and most especially always want the job done without appreciating the subordinate that did it.

I have had the opportunity to experience three different types of female bosses and sincerely their relationship with their subordinates were cold and were geared towards the same thing: Organizational Achievement alone.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Genotype and the faith of our relationship (My story)

The question of genotype was not in existence when our grandparents and parents got married to each other but today it limits us from getting married to each other. Genotype as the name suggests, a person’s genotype refers to the types of genes he or she has for a particular inheritable trait. There are always two copies of each gene, one from each parent. A gene, however can have different versions, called alleles. Alleles are various versions of a gene. The combination of alleles inherited from the parents is what gives rise to genotypes.

Now my story……my first ever relationship started in my undergraduate days and I dated this guy (2 years my senior) for close to 3 years before he ended the relationship. We both knew we had AS genes 2 years into the relationship but because we loved each other he told me we will get married and abort any pregnancy we discovered was SS. This made me happy and I thought I need not look for another soul mate. 

Why You Are Trapped In A Bad Relationship

Have you ever wondered why people stay in bad relationships?

I have, many times. Seeing people in certain situations can be mind boggling. Many times we find that we can’t wrap our heads around why people allow certain things happen to them. Could it be they lack the will to act right or is it as they say, that nothing is as easy as it seems? 

Could the fear of the unknown be the reason why an available option becomes more desirable than it really is?
Photo Credit: www.wellnesswithpenny.comn
How hard can it be to get out of an abusive relationship? Why do people still go ahead to get married to people that they have seen manifest in horrible ways? 

Why hold on to a loveless relationship? Why should you stay despite being miserable? Would such person have eaten bread covered with mould and damn the consequences of a stomach virus? 

So why do we treat matters of the heart (and life) with levity? Why do we put reason on hold while hoping for a turnaround that hardly ever happens?

It is always so easy to proffer solutions to problems that we are not involved in. it is easy to tell the poor guy to work harder or tell an obese person to lose weight. 

If all problems can be as easily solved as the phrases we say, most of us won’t be in dilemmas. The truth is, many problems have roots deeper than half sensitive phrases can reach and the sooner we get to the root , the easier it is to tackle the issue.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Waiting Period..........Which Way Forward

I have asked myself several times over and over in last 8years, "Why me, why me, why me......" but my question seem like an unanswered one. This is a typical question on the lips of every woman who is yet have children of their own after being married for more than two years. 

You look around and see those who got married after you having children even those who defiled the marital bed and those who committed adultery and fornication have given birth. You keep wondering how those who had fertility issues have children while you and your husband are yet to have children of your own even with your good fertility report. 

This springs up so many questions in you like:
  • If those who were not virgins before marriage can have children, why can't I, as a virgin, have children?
  • Why is my mother-in-law threatening to marry a second wife for my husband? 
  • Did I offend anymore who is punishing me through this means? 
  • Why hasn't God given me the blessing of children as he has done to others? 
  • Why do I keep having miscarriages?
As much as the questions keep coming, and you feel the need to have them answered so you could be at peace but the answers are not forth coming. We cannot dispute that God is the only one that gives children and no one else. Your Pastor, Prophet, Idol, Herbalist etc. will only pray to God (on your behalf) to give you children because if these set of people can give children, then no one will be waiting for more than two years after marriage for the blessing of children (food for thought). 

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Have You Put 'The One' On Hold?

I'd like to think everyone is seeking a partner they can spend forever with. No matter how nonchalant we may feel about serious relationships, there is a part of us deep down that yearns for an uncommon connection with someone else. We all yearn for someone that knows us so well, it makes other people wonder if they know us at all. We all want to feel we are loved, cared for, and we have that special person to call on when the chips come tumbling down. Why then do we put these special people on hold when we meet them?

There is a very crazy trend I have noticed; we tend to put the people we genuinely connect with on hold because we are just not yet ready for something serious. I think this trend is more common with men; but from conversations with young men, some women are also aboard this train. There is something about a strong connection with a person that makes us believe that no matter what we will always have that person to fall back on. There is something about a strong connection that makes us believe that person will not find anyone else either, so why don't we do all the crazy stuff we want to do now and come back to this special person when we are all good and ready? I call this putting the right person for you on hold. 

Let's think about it this way: You call a friend over the phone and the conversation is good... not just good, but really amazing and stable. Suddenly, your phone beeps and it's an incoming call i.e. a distraction. It's a tempting one so you decide to put your friend on hold. You pick the tempting call and you get carried away by the new dimension it brings. It is exciting, invigorating, unstable but enticing so you keep the conversation flowing while your friend is on hold. This happens more times than it should and it becomes a norm for you. Your friend gets tired of being put on hold after a few calls, and starts to do one of two things - puts the phone on speaker and goes to do other things or hangs up. Sure you can always call back if the call has been dropped but what if... just what if... when you call back, you find that your friend is on another call, and is unwilling to drop that call for you because you have a trend of putting things on hold to attend to other distractions?

Be careful when you think you are playing smart by putting the partner God has sent to you on hold while you play around with people who have no business in your future. Be careful when the devil feeds you lies such as "you are still young", "you should play around more", "it's not yet time", "you don't deserve this person". Be careful of the lies in your heart that tell you this person is a last resort and will always be there. Be careful because the person you've put on hold can receive another call, not from someone they won't like but from someone who will be ten times who you are and actually want to talk to them. Once that new call is picked, you'll have difficulty reconnecting, and even if your call manages to get through, the stability, nurture and support that you were meant to enjoy will end up being given to someone else, and you might find yourself saying things like "He used to DM me you know?" or "She used to get excited whenever I gave her attention." No doubt he or she was crazy about you, but you put the call on hold and attended to the things you felt couldn't wait. You took for granted the one person that should have received ALL your attention. Used to? That counts for nothing. Yes, you might find someone too but you can agree with me that God's perfect will is always much much much better than God's permissive will. 

Have you put the one for you on hold? I suggest you retrace your steps and put all the effort you've put in your distractions into regaining their trust. Distractions are sometimes the devil's way of keeping you from the amazing plans God has for your future. And believe me when I say those distractions are usually hard to ignore or even miss. But you must ask yourself the crucial question: would you rather enjoy these short-termed distractions which will end up leaving you high and dry? Or would you prefer to concentrate all your efforts on making it work with the right person so you can reap the amazing benefits in future? Don't cheat yourself and don't fool yourself. Don't give up a diamond for a sandy rock, and don't think others don't see the diamond too. Retrace your steps today. Good luck. XOXO

PS: Perhaps you are not putting the one for you on hold, you simply have an attraction for the wrong people. Check out my post on why you'll keep choosing the wrong partner on my blog by clicking here

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

What Makes a Happy Relationship?

We've all heard or said the saying "no one is perfect" at some point in our lives. We've seen the cracks in many relationships, and the holes in many more. We have seen relationships fall apart and crumble into ashes with no hope of any concrete reformation....and amidst these cracks and breaks, we have all seen relationships that have stood the test of time - relationships that have been through thick and thin, yet survived. We have all seen those relationships that are not just happy on the outside because both parties are smiling for the camera; they are happy on the inside too. And in a way, we can call them perfect. How on earth did those people achieve such happiness and stability? How did they achieve such perfection? How do they keep smiling amidst all the rough patches? The answer is not love. The answer is willingness. 

Love is a great feeling; people are euphoric when they are in love; they feel like they can walk on water; they have butterflies in their tummies, yet feel stable and secure enough in that person's presence. Love can make you think of a person and smile but... that feeling of love is not enough to build a happy relationship. It is the willingness to exercise that love that counts. There are many undeclared love stories buried deep  in many hearts that have been separated by circumstances, societal expectations, and self-conflict. If love was enough, such cases would not exist. It is not enough to feel love for a person; you must be willing to show it too... and this is where many people fail.

We are unwilling to express the love we feel in its true form, so we adopt game plans from 'two can play that game', 'the perfect match', 'scandal' and in some cases, 'how to get away with murder'. We don't want to seem like we have fallen too hard for fear that we will be called weak, for fear that we will be left high and dry. We are unwilling to let offenses go, and let nagging go, and let pain go. We want to feel special in our pain so we hold on to it, and refuse to willingly practice our love above everything else. In an effort to show they have not fallen hard, many people treat their partners with nonchalance because they have the erroneous believe that the emotions they share, although not expressed will make their partners stay forever. That is the perfect recipe for growing apart and creating a doughnut relationship - one that looks full on the outside while it is hollow on the inside. 

If you haven't been doing so, it is time to deliberately begin to express your love to your partner. It is time to let yourselves fall hard into that love that no one can explain or understand. It is time to willingly treat your partner like gold. It is time to willingly show that you want to be in the relationship and you want to make it work. By doing so, you are setting the right platform for a genuinely happy relationship. 

Monday, July 11, 2016

Monday Motivation: Of Life, Wells And Other Related Things

We grow up learning that some things we were taught were absolutely unnecessary while some others shape our lives positively. Why should we have to go through the rigors of understanding maths if many of us are going to venture into arts and other things that doesn’t need much of mathematics? As I have learnt many times , no knowledge is ever lost, you know pretty much like the lesson in Slumdog Millionaire.

Photo Credit :
In elementary school, we were taught that tap water’s the best source of water. Needless to say that didn’t make much sense because I grew up in a place where we got water supply once in a month, no thanks to the unreliable government. This meant we had to source for our own water; so, wells were the solution for us and our neighbors. There were so many of them that were manually dug and drawn from just before the advent of affordable boreholes.  In order to get a good flow of water, one needed to know how to locate a good site for a well. This is very important in order to have a constant flow all through the year. A good spot is one that is not too rocky nor muddy. Many wells were not well sited so there are few months of drought during the dry season, even the well sited ones might not have such a great supply of water during such periods.  Ours served many households during the drought and I’ll tell you why.
My parents had a culture of getting laborers who majored in digging the well deeper while bringing out more earth. The deeper the well got, the more water we had and could spare.

Like I mentioned earlier, there are lots of lessons to be learnt from things that didn’t seem relatable. I have been having a bit of struggle with my time lately. My routine has been pretty messed up. I find it hard to keep track of time. I wake up this minute and the next minute is sleep time. It’s become even hard to write or do other things that would make me feel like I had a productive day.

Thinking about the well and remembering all the hardwork that went into keeping the water flow ministered to me. I have failed to consider all the new factors that got introduced into my life, and adjust accordingly. I have a new child now and a very active toddler. For me to be more fruitful, I have to do so much more. It is no longer enough for me to just be going through my day today activities like I used to. To stay relevant , I need to understand that time has changed and i need to change accordingly. These entails demanding more from myself by working hard and digging deeper.

I already started making some changes and I want to enjoin you to do same. You might feel like you are stuck sometimes and you might almost give up on yourself thinking you are not good enough. Some periods just require for us to dig deeper. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and put in some work.

There is so much water beneath, you just have to dig deeper to find it.

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