Tuesday, April 26, 2016

What Does it Take to Date a Co-worker?


Have you ever considered dating a co-worker? Or are you considering doing it but not really sure if you should defecate where you work? Well, this post is for you!

Dating a coworker can be more hectic than many people imagine at first. How do you play romantic politics and work politics without burning each other? How do you stay dedicated to your work while your partner is just a few feet away without appearing emotionally detached? How do you relate with other coworkers in ways that will not piss off your spouse? 

What does it really take to date a co-worker? Here are some tips that may help. 

#1 Know yourself: While some people are able to be lovey-dovey all day long, some people just want to get their work done during the day, and meet with their partner later on to check in and exchange details about the day. If you are the latter person, frequent messages from your partner who is also a co-worker during the day, asking how your day is going might irritate you. Seeing your partner every other hour on the corridor might also just get to you, so first things first, be sure about wanting to see your partner every hour or half hour while at work, and going to spend the rest of the day with him or her afterwards. 

#2 Make Your Stance clear: Are you the type who wants to keep your relationship private, or you wouldn't mind if all the drama and dynamics of your relationship become the topic for discussion during smoke breaks, lunch hour, or inter-toilet stall discussions? Make your stance clear with your partner from the start. If you don't want your relationship to be discussed by your coworkers, then neither of you should be asking for advice from your other co-workers. Do you want PDA? Or would you rather have a relationship where you relate with one another like co-workers at work, and partners outside the work place? Define that too. 

#3 Check your insecurities: The workplace can be the source of jealousy when your partner has to watch you flirt with another co-worker to get a purchase order pushed up, or when your partner sucks up to the opposite sex boss to clinch a promotion. You might want to hold out on explosive jealous tantrums else your relationship is heading down the drain before it starts. 

#4 Expect no favours: Yes, your partner being in a higher position at the workplace than you are might give you some perks, but do not expect them to be frequent. Sometimes, things just won't go your way. You shouldn't throw a tantrum because you expect your partner to wing things in your favour. Don't expect to get by with not pulling your weight at the workplace either. That might be your quickest way out of the door. 

Dating a coworker can be great if it is what you want, and if you can define the necessary boundaries and stick to them. Good luck with defecating at the workplace. Hehe! XOXO

Monday, April 25, 2016

The 'Come to My House' Dating Craze: What does it take to woo a lady?


If you get exasperated everytime a guy you have just met says "when are you coming to my house?" as the invitation to a first date, then this post is for you. If you are a man who has adopted this line as a date invitation, then this post is definitely for you.  

I am beyond exasperated about this new dating craze where a guy meets me and his suggestion for a first date is that I visit him. Erm... why would I want to visit you as a first date? Do you live at a cafe? the cinemas? A fine-dining restaurant? Disneyland? Paris?  Is there a rational explanation for this new dating wave? Why are men failing to 'properly date' women? Is this a result of laziness or due to a general wave of nonchalance when it comes to wooing ladies?

First things first, "come to my house"is not an appropriate first date invitation. It is not an appropriate line to woo a lady. What happened to getting drinks or dinner?  What happened to going to catch a movie? What happened to a proper date planned to win the lady's attention and create the right platform to exchange information about one another? 

Of course there are many dating ills that have resulted in this new trend. Many women go on dates with the ultimate motive of sucking the guy dry. Women these days go on dates with their 'battalion'of friends with the sole aim of spending as much as they can on food they don't even want to eat. So it is understandable that men are trying to avoid embarrassment and are cooking up this new wave to save themselves. Women are not the only culprits; many men go on dates with the sole intention to score, hence the first date in many cases has a dog-eat-dog format where the guy tries to score, and the woman tries to eat as much as possible. What a shame. 

But then again, a gentleman should be able to discern the kind of lady he is trying to woo.  If you are after a proper lady, then you should aim to impress with the first date. Plan a memorable affair with the right ambiance, and have your etiquette at its best, and show up properly dressed. Make it romantic. Pick her up for the date. Yes, she has her own car, but it is just etiquette to pick her up. If you are into getting flowers, get her a bouquet for your first date. If you'll rather do chocolates or wine, go for it. Create a memorable impression to endear her to you rather than trying to bamboozle your way into her life. 

It is difficult to win a proper lady over by inviting her to your house for a first date. If she does agree to your invitation, she might be leaning towards putting you in the friend-zone. Don't wait for her to take the initiative for the first date. Don't expect her to invite you out while all you offer is "come to my house"or the more annoying version "when am I visiting you so you can cook for me?" Who came up with these things really?

We need help!

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Are You Always With the Wrong Guy?


It's a dilemma many women face especially when they realize it too late. Many times relationships start off great. The first date, the first kiss, and everything else can be so magical. If he's super charming, he can be really difficult to ignore. Many women often find themselves swept off their feet in whirlwind romances that die out quicker than the harmattan wind dries clothes. And they start to wonder where things went wrong. Some women drive themselves crazy trying to figure out why they always seem to end up with the worst of the pack. There might be a simple reason for that.

More often than not, when a woman meets a guy she likes, she daydreams about him, hopes he asks her out on a date, and often decides she will agree to a serious relationship with him. Now there is nothing wrong with this if you've spent some time getting to know him. Unfortunately most of the time, such a decision is made when very little is known about the guy in question. Perhaps you've only chatted for a couple of hours. Maybe you flirted with each other by the pay till at the grocery store... And already you are playing happy families in your head... You might just be setting yourself up for failure.

The mistake most women make is that they make decisions to date a guy before they get to know the real him. Such a decision made so quickly after meeting a person is often based on superficial factors which include how the conversation flowed at the first meeting,the way he made them feel at the first date, etc. You cannot base your decision to be in a proper relationship with a person on such factors because those factors change. A man might be his best on a first date, but that does not mean he is always his best. A man might charm the socks off you in the first conversation but that does not mean he is interested in a serious relationship with you. He might even be interested and ask you to go exclusive in a very short space  of time but that does not mean he is the one. For all you know, he could be abusive, disrespectful, and have total disregard for your feelings.

Take your time to know the man that's causing butterflies to flutter in your tummy. Butterflies in the tummy don't always mean attraction. Sometimes they are nature's way of telling us danger is near and we need to step back from the situation. Stop basing your decision on the first impression. Base it on the second, third, fourth, maybe even the umpteenth impression he makes. Save yourself the heartache and take your time. A patient and steady heart always makes the right decision. XOXO

Monday, April 18, 2016

When He Marries Someone Else...

Over the weekend, someone reached out to me with the question "how do you get over a boyfriend who suddenly gets married to someone else?"

I thought it funny that someone would ask me that. Does it show that I have been through it? If it doesn't, I'll tell you now that I have so I know that 'hit by a train and dragged for miles' feeling that comes with it. How do you get over that brokenness that you feel so deep within you? How do you explain how you feel to others because you really can't even explain it yourself? How do you move on when all you can remember is the many times he said "I love you", and you believed it, not knowing that he would be saying '"I do" to someone else?

I'll give you three simple yet harsh realizations that worked for me.

#1 Understand that his decision is not based on something you did or did not do: Except you poisoned his mother, shot his dog point blank, or cheated on him, there is nothing you can possibly do to a guy who loves you that will cause him to rush into marriage with someone else. Many women tend to blame themselves when the men they trusted and built a life with in their heads end up walking down the aisle with someone else. They tend to believe they didn't prove they were worth marrying; they didn't' try hard enough, didn't cook  often enough, didn't clean well enough, didn't give him enough chances... the list goes on. No my dear. You tried enough, you were your perfect lovely self, and you were a delight. The fact is that he just did not want to marry you, and that is absolutely not your fault.

#2 Understand that if he could turn back the hands of time, he still wouldn't choose you: Many women fall for the line 'I would have chosen you if not for circumstances'. That is the worst excuse you can accept. Except those circumstances include being held hostage by a pride of lions, do not accept this excuse for one simple reason - It is a lie. Many men feel remorseful after they get married to someone else and ditch their long time ride-or-die chic, so they try to soften the blow with various circumstantial excuses. No circumstance should make a man ditch you like trash if he loves you, which leads me to my next point.
#3 Accept that he possibly never truly loved or valued you: These days, there are so many variations of love, people are confused as to what it really means to be loved AND valued. Many women confuse desire with love; they confuse desire with value, so they get confused when this man they have given their all to suddenly pitches up online with a wedding band around his ring finger. the fact that a person desires you does not mean they value or love you. Some people desire you because they are getting certain short-term benefits from you, but when people ask them about the love they have for you, they become tongue-tied. When a person desires you, sure they will spend time with you, they might even indulge some of your whims but that is where it ends. You cannot cry on their shoulder, and you'll hardly hear any verbal affirmations of their feelings for you (it is easier to type things on whatsapp and bbm. saying them face-to-face is a different story). They will not come rushing when you are in dire need of help or support, and they will not stand as firmly by you, or seek a deeper knowledge of you. If a man has chosen to marry someone else, it's because he has invested more in that person than he has ever considered investing in you. And that is because he values that person and he simply desires you.
I know it is difficult to come to terms with these tips but sometimes you need to rip off the band aid, bear the pain and keep moving. There's a man out there with your name tattooed on his heart. XOXO

Should Christians Be Poor?

I understand this is a very controversial subject to discuss. The opinions on the subject are often at loggerheads, and I have seen hot steaming debates stem from this issue. It is a big question to consider at a time where many pastors spend their sermons boasting about their designer watches and shoes, and the number of private jets they have. It is a question to consider at a time where many church congregants are more concerned about seeing what the pastor's wife's outfit than they are about understanding the sermon and its application to their lives.

Should christians be poor? I'll just share my opinion on the subject matter and I hope you share yours in the comments.
When the issue of serving God and having money comes up, many people refer to Matthew 19 where Jesus told the rich man to sell all his possessions and follow him. This in the literal sense indicates that Jesus wanted the rich man to be poor, hence he desires that all his followers should be poor. I beg to differ.
The bible makes it clear that we cannot serve God and money (Luke 16:13); but the bible does not say we cannot have both God and money. The bible emphasizes the need for us to understand that money is not a god that we should serve; money is not the almighty; money cannot do all things. God is the only one we ought to serve; God is the only one who can do ALL things; God is the only one worth serving, and we can use our money to serve God.  

As Christians, we tend to believe that those who are well-of financially are battling hidden demons as a result of having so much money. That is an unhealthy attitude to money, and may be the reason many Christians are stuck financially. It may be the reason you are not experiencing that breakthrough you desire; it may be the reason many people are passing you by. By believing money is the root of evil, rather than the actual declaration that the love of money is the root of all evil, you are setting yourself up for stagnation and regression. The love of money refers to greed and blind sinful ambition. Money itself is not the problem. Your attitude towards it is.

Jesus said "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all other things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33). In other words, let your heart yearn for the word of God; let your life be a depiction of the obedience of God; let God be the centre of your life, and everything else will be added unto you.

So no, as a Christian, you should not aim for poverty. Others may be starting at the bottom, but you don't have to start at the worst bottom of all. Your heavenly father own the heavens, the earth, and all that exists therein! So why are you living like he only owns a room in a house. I know many Christians would act differently if their earthly fathers owned an estate in a city. Well, you have a heavenly father who owns the whole earth; why aren't you taking your place and exercising your authority. Make God the center of your life. Make God the only important thing you consider with every breath. Everything else will be added unto you. XOXO

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Long Distance Relationships: Do They Really Work?

I have heard many long distance relationship testimonies, and I have also heard many heartbreaking stories about long distance. Even I have a few of my own to share, but that's for another post, another day.

Back in the day, long distance was cute. People who went into it seemed to be encouraged and most of them ended up with a real depiction of 'happily ever after'. These days, the thought of a long distance relationship is enough to initiate a panic attack in almost anyone. People even stare at you like you are being absolutely ludicrous when you tell them you are planning to go into a long distance relationship. 

The big question everyone asks is "do long distance relationships still work?"

That of course should not be the question; the question you should be asking is if you and your partner can handle it. The decision to go into a long distance relationship should not be dependent solely on emotions, or butterflies in the tummy because those will wear off at some point. The biggest factor to consider is the maturity of you and your partner, and the mutual willingness to commit to the long-distance process.

Monday, April 11, 2016

What's All the Fuss About the First Date Anyway?


I have always been of the opinion that the first date is the most important date you'll ever have with anyone. It can be a deal-breaker, or a bridge-builder. But it appears many people do not see the importance of  a first date, or some people are just too caught up in their schemes to care about how significant this date is. 

The first date is where you get to know the other person outside of work, school, church, or wherever it is that you met them. It is your opportunity to either make a good impression or a terrible one (believe it or not, you will make some sort of impression on the first date). The first date is where your etiquette needs to be on point... like 110% on point. The first date is not where you belch loudly at the table or fart continuously in a bid to show a person how real you are. Yeah, it sounds all cute, but it is also too personal for a first date, and definitely not endearing. No, no , no. 

Here are few things you should and should not do on a first date

#1 Don't go with your friends: Except it is a double date, which a first date shouldn't be, you have absolutely no reason to take your friends with you. No, that is not the kind of support you need. I have heard of women who go to their dates with their friends in  a bid to understand the depth of the man's wallet. This is an absolute NO NO. Will buying you and your girlfriends lunch tell you how deep his pockets are? This mentality is very myopic, and is characteristic of women who are simply out to 'chop and run'. No wonder they fall into the hands of the men who want to 'chop and clean mouth'. 

#2 Don't go with the mentality of 'hitting it': If the only reason you are going on the date is to see if you'll end up in bed together, you might as well hire a prostitute for the evening and get your groove on. From conversations, I know most men are only willing to go on a date if they know sex is on the table. If that is all you are focused on, forget the date, forget about getting to know the person. Dates are not for scoring to massage your ego. The first date goes  a lot deeper that. 

#3 Don't show up unkempt, or improperly dressed: Unshaven face, unclean hair, soiled clothes, crumpled shirts? Leave all that behind. Be well-dressed as suited to the venue of your date. No sweaty clothes, no funny odors, no saggy pants, no masquerade-like makeup. No. Please keep it simple and classy. Afterall, you are meeting this person for the very first time. 

#4 'Up' the conversation skills: A first date, or any date at all is not about you pretending to be an ice block while the other person works hard to thaw you. No. A first date is where you should let the conversation flow so you can learn as much as you can about the other person. This does not mean you should talk nonstop and only keep quiet when you stop for air. Ask questions, let the conversation be an exchange, rather than a narration

#5 Keep your etiquette in check: You've asked a lady out on  a date? pick up the bill! Arrive on time. Speak politely. Smile, pay compliments, you can show up with  a bouquet of flowers, or some chocolates... something to say you have been thinking of the date and you're excited it's happening. And oh! Don't check your phone. That's just downright rude! 

Above all, if you are the one doing the inviting, plan the date. Plan it to the T. Plan it to perfection. Create the right ambience, and you might just set the stage for an awesome person to be part of your life. 

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