Friday, August 28, 2015

Single Ladies: How To Spot The 'Married Single Man'

Women cheat almost as much as men do but more men do fine jobs of deceiving whoever they are having an affair with into thinking they are not married or in a committed relationship. Imagine the shock and heartbreak when you get that hate mail or call from a spouse labeling you as a husband snatcher. Must really hurt especially when you have been in the dark as to that particular fact.
Personally, I never get why some women with philandering husbands go after the women in their husband’s lives instead of dealing with the main problem who is the person they made the vows with. I am not saying all side chicks are saints, I am just saying some of them are victims too. I remember stumbling on a Facebook page with a familiar face only to find out the boyfriend of someone I know is married with kids.
It took me a lot to break the news to her because I knew just how much she was into him.
This post is for those that would want to arm themselves with the right tools before getting in a relationship with the wrong person.
There are always telling signs and if you look hard enough, you wouldn’t fall in the trap of the ‘single married man’.

I'l be sharing some tips on how to find out if your ‘available’ man is taken.

  • What does your instinct say? Do you have a problem with him being a good looking financially stable 40 year old man? Well, there is a need to feel uncomfortable. If he doesn’t have a solid reason for being single at that age, perhaps, your instinct is right. Something could be amiss. The ones with less qualifications are even settled. This takes us to the next few points on how to clear your doubts.

  • Check him out on the internet: My dear, allow google be your guide. There are not too many people who don’t have their details somewhere on the internet. You might stumble on social media details, wedding pictures, marriage proposal, or anything at all. Just don’t get involved without quieting your doubts.

  • Check for that indent finger, the one for the wedding ring. There is a big chance that finger would be marked from persistent use of the ring. This is always the most obvious one. A friend of mine with such doubts shared how she casually opened the glove compartment of the man’s car only to find his ring there. Of course he lied about it but she already knew better.

  • Call him at very odd hours: Another friend of mine met a ‘really nice man’ recently. She observed he only calls when he is on the road, he never calls or picks when he is supposedly at home. This aroused her curiosity and made her question him. She was right. He confessed when he was confronted.

  • You should also find out where he lives.If he avoids letting you know where he lives, he might have skeletons in his closet. Be careful if he is just in town for work too.Those ones can be very convincing because people can pull off double lives more easily if they are not resident in their town of work. Chances are you still might find him out. IF he suddenly goes MIA over the weekend or skips town only to come back with no solid reason .It might be because his family came to visit or he went to visit.

  • What is his cellphone attitude: How many cellphones does he have? Do you have all the phone numbers? Can you reach him at all times Does he pick up or does he always miss the calls, calling you back later with excuses like he was in the toilet or he left his phone in the room? Does he speak in hushed tones or call you names that ain't yours like 'Pius, is that you?'  Is his phone always comfortably on silence with the screen facing down? Or does he leave where you are to answer his calls? Well, you don’t need more telling, he is either married or in a committed relationship.
Don't be caught in a web of lies, let wisdom be your guide. Some of these signs don't necessarily mean he is married. There might be solid explanations for them but If you are in doubt as to what his status is, you could just ask him tactfully. Hopefully, he'l have the decency to tell you the truth. Just avoid being that other woman as best as you can to save yourself heartbreak and confrontations from hurt spouses.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

How Christian Wives Get Proverbs 31 Wrong! (1)

The beauty of the virtuous wife - The Proverbs 31 woman all Christian wives strive to become – the hardworking wife and mother who seems to do everything for the sake of her husband and her children, with little or no attention to herself. The virtuous submissive woman who in all her glory resides at the feet of her husband, and does only his bidding…Well, at least that’s what you’ve been groomed to understand.

It is very ironic that many living Proverbs 31 women are being abused, undermined, unappreciated and eventually abandoned by the men they dedicated themselves to serving. It definitely makes one wonder about human nature versus scriptural truths, right? I mean many subservient, hardworking and super-respectful wives are taken for granted, while those who speak up, act as they please, and let themselves be heard (the ‘un-virtuous’ women) seem to get the good husbands. Isn’t life unfair? If you belong to the former group, you probably think it is!

I have come to understand that most of the time in marriages, there are no victims, there are only volunteers. And many Christian wives happen to volunteer themselves for abuse, lack of appreciation, and a general lack of respect in their marriages, all because they are aiming to fulfill the virtues of the Proverbs 31 woman. Before I address this Proverbs 31 woman issue, let me in a few sentences describe what many Christian wives believe are attributes of the virtuous woman.

How Christian Wives Get Proverbs 31 Wrong! (2)

To read the first part of this post, please click here

I find it hilariously odd that women are quick to enforce the “wives submit to your husbands” bible verse without preaching the other half that says “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.” The debate of who should do what first is really just another issue of what came first- the chicken or the egg? But that’s not what I want to focus on. Husbands need to love their wives; wives need to submit to their husbands. The sad reality is many ‘virtuous’ Christian women are submitting to men who do not love them; hence they end up battered, used, abused and emotionally abandoned. Many Christian women are submitting to men who do not understand God’s design for marriage!

Many Christian women have lost their identity in Christ because they have replaced Christ with a man- a man they cannot approach, a man they cannot challenge when he wrongs them, a man they cannot be themselves around, a man who uses them for brief moments of pleasure and drains them of whatever it is they have in them. Yes, this is the reality many Christian women would not share with you, and even if they did, they’ll explain the devil is at work in their marriage and they are putting him to shame by losing bits and pieces of themselves everyday. Hilariously odd and excruciating indeed!

To be a virtuous woman does not mean you should accept mistreatment and abuse in any form! As a matter of fact, a virtuous woman knows her worth, and she appreciates herself, just as much as she appreciates her family. She speaks up when she has something to say, and she is heard by her husband. In fact, if you read Proverbs 31 properly, you’ll see that the woman you aspire to is not her husband’s wet dog! She makes investments and goes to work! She’s up early to make sure everyone is catered for, then she goes out to earn a living! She makes decisions, and prepares ahead! Her husband is respected, not because of who he is, but because of WHO SHE IS! He praises her awesome strength and beauty, and encourages her with kind words! So where did the virtuous women of today get their ideas of subservience in the face of mistreatment from?

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Ashley Madison:Who Are You When No one Is Watching?

Not many things has shaken the internet quite like the Ashley Madison scandal. There have been so many sensational headlines that have sprung from the hacking of the cheaters website. Some people are glad to see cheaters getting outed while the press has been having the time of their life dropping one jaw breaking headline after another. Since the release of the names of the members occurred, we have gone from mouth opening discoveries to downright upsetting ones. Millions of people have been forced to question all they built their trust upon and many relationships might not make it past this period. It looks like the already high number of divorce might even become higher. Two suicides have already been associated with the leak and one can only wonder how many more casualties would be claimed by this scandal.

In the wake of this, we have come to realize that our dirtiest secrets can be out in the blink of an eye. The question to ponder on is what will your browser history, chats, or whatever it is you do when you think no one is watching, say about you? Who are you when no one is watching?

Five Things You Shouldn't Do On a First Date

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First dates can make anyone a nervous wreck! And it sure does not help if the person you’re meeting is a blind date. You won’t know what to expect, or even what to wear. What will you speak about? What if you end up having nothing to speak about? There are a lot of what-ifs on a first date, even when you know who you are meeting. I have suffered through first dates where the only good thing was the food, and I once walked out on a date when the conversation began to head south, because I couldn’t deal! Yeah you can send me an email later to tell me how I was so wrong, but in the meanwhile, here are my top five DON’Ts on a first date

·       Don’t show up dressed like you’re going to a shop across the street: I find it absolutely RUDE for anyone to show up on a date like they’ve just been dragged out of bed, or out of a deep dark hole in a mine. It’s a first date, and you’ll never get a second chance to make a good first impression, so put some effort into your appearance. Don’t arrive in your fluffy indoor slippers as I once saw a girl do at the cinemas (I am not kidding), and guys don’t arrive in your faded t-shirt and jeans that barely fit your waist. Yes, except you are meeting a sixteen year old, don’t arrive with pants sagging, chains dangling and t-shirts with senseless inscriptions. Even sixteen year-olds these days don’t find that attractive, so don’t do it with a twenty-something. Which leads to my next point

·      Don’t over-do your outfit: some women are well-known for putting all their goodies on display on the first date, without understanding that this sends the wrong “I’m a one night stand type of girl” message across. This is not to say you should wear an ankle-length turtle neck dress, as I almost did once when I was set up on a blind date with a conservative lawyer. You should be halfway between comfortable and stylish. Guys, there’s no need to wear Gucci shoes, a Gucci belt and a Gucci hat all in one outfit. Yes, we know you can afford all the designers on the market, but smart casual will most likely put your date at ease with you without her being distracted by all the patterns on your designer items. Keep it simple, except the location of the date dictates otherwise.

·     Don’t be mute: I have suffered through enough first dates to know sitting at the other end of the table, trying to act like a person who doesn’t have a tongue just makes the date an excruciating experience for the other person, so don’t do that. Yes, you want to make a great first impression, but keeping mute the entire date, and simply nodding in agreement, or shaking your head in disagreement will not aid your mission, so please speak! Ask questions, make contributions, make funny statements, share some of your experiences on a subject matter, share your interests, your hobbies, speak! Don’t just sit there silently. This is one of the reasons I don’t think seeing a movie at the cinemas is a good idea for a first date! People hardly get to know each other, and if they have dinner afterwards, they may end up speaking about the movie and reliving their favorite moments instead of learning about each other.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

For Supermoms: Five Easy Guides To Breastfeeding In Public

Having a child changes one’s perception about many things. I used to say I would opt for a caesarean section as opposed to natural birth because I didn’t want to feel the pain. I also use to say I wouldn’t do exclusive breastfeeding for whatever unimportant reason, but all that was before I got pregnant.

My doctor’s visitations and the several scans I had changed my perception. I developed a great bond with the creature that was growing inside me and all of a sudden, I forgot all I used to think and say. I became focused on being and providing the best for my baby. Breastfeeding was something I embraced after listening to all the goodness that came with, plus it was very much in line with my vow to do the very best of all that was within my power for my child.

It was a month after giving birth to my child when we had our first major outing. We visited a public library for enquiries and also to enjoy a good mother daughter time (that turned out to be a wrong call). I was only just getting familiar with many things like responding to her cries which served as the prompt for many things but most times, was for feeding.  I was told by some older women to try and train her by feeding her at certain hours so she could get easily acquainted to those hours but the medium pitched cry for food in a public library showed I had no success at that gimmick.

It had started raining a few minutes to when she started crying and the crowd seemed to be building up in the library, which served as a shade from the rain too. School children were on a break thereby making the crowd even larger.

Her cries was becoming really embarrassing and I knew I had to find a place to feed her. For the first time, I was confronted with one of the problems nursing mothers face which was how does one breastfeed a child in public?

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Six Things You Totally Deserve In A Relationship

Wake up calls, late night calls/texts, midday calls for no reason, lovely dates, flowers, thoughtful gifts, listening ears, shoulders to lean on etc. however way love is expressed, we all deserve to have truly happy relationships. We have become so invested in living our lives for other people that we have forgotten what really matters. Many people are satisfied with having a relationship at all that they endure the most inhuman treatment meted out to them. This ought not to be. We all deserve to have that one person who is in our corner, who loves on us despite our flaws. We all deserve that deeply rooted fun and beautiful kind of love. One who loves you deeply enough to resolve your arguments because what you share is worth fighting for.
Happiness might be relative but some things are basic and I’ll be sharing them below:

You deserve to have a GOOD TIME: Some of us find ourselves in situations where we feel we have a lot to prove. The thing is being with your significant other doesn’t have to feel like you are on a serious job interview or taking school exams. You should loosen your belt and unknot your tie while you settle in to enjoy great good laughs. There is too much uptightness around, your relationship should feel like home. It should feel like the much needed comfort.

You deserve COMMITMENT: It is not a relationship when there is no exclusivity. You need to know that there is that person who is always going to be in your corner when every other person isn’t. One who believes in you and believes in what you share. You deserve someone that is dedicated to what you share and who understands disagreements doesn’t necessarily mean the end.

You deserve SECURITY: You shouldn’t be worried about whether he/she loves you or not because you deserve a relationship where you truly know if you are a thing or not. You needn’t have to guess. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around your partner wondering if or not she/he is going to leave you.

You deserve RECIPROCITY: You deserve to get as much as you give. You deserve to be loved back as much as you have loved. Your relationship shouldn’t feel like a huge burden that you have been sentenced to bear.

You deserve HONESTY: You deserve to have an honest relationship. One where you trust your partner and vice versa. One where you both are confident about the other’s ability to stay true to one or two values and there is no questioning or doubts on the other’s mind about activities you are engaging in or places you are going to.

You deserve to be RESPECTed: You deserve a relationship where you respect each other deeply. One where you will not be abused verbally, physically or however means.
By all means love but love rightly. You need NOT stay in a relationship where you are getting negative vibes just because you want to feel validated. However, after all is said and done, relationships grow and you shouldn’t cut our partners off because each and every one of the mentioned points are not existent yet in your relationships. In as much as you expect these qualities from your partners, you should also look in the mirror and quite frankly tell yourself the truth about if you also possess these qualities we are looking for. If you don’t, then work on yourself.

We all deserve happy and satisfying relationships.

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