Saturday, April 19, 2014

Who We Are(What Really Matters)

I have been trying to apply for a new job recently and I have learnt a few lessons in the course of doing that. There are times one preaches what one doesn’t practice. I found myself guilty of that. I tell people they can only get an image of themselves projected when they look at a mirror. Funny thing is much as I said that, the one person I was not saying it to was myself.

See, I had all these choices (I like to believe I do) but I was only applying for those jobs that were below my qualifications. I was trying to avoid being quizzed and scrutinized. I just wasn’t sure of myself. Writing about it now, I wonder where that feeling came from.

I was a very brilliant student but at some point I slipped on my grades so I finished with an average grade. This mistake of mine kept haunting me; I judged myself and drown myself in the pool of wouldas and shouldas. I subconsciously allowed myself to believe I wasn’t cut out for particular things and so I just stayed limited in my mind.

I went for a job interview and after the interviewer checked my CV, he asked me why I applied. At that point, I realized I hadn’t given it much of a thought. Perhaps, I had lied enough to myself to stay satisfied with average.  Can’t remember the answer I gave him now but whatever I said wasn’t satisfactory as he kept looking at me with his eyes asking even more questions. Questions like “why are you doing this yourself?”

I got the job but didn’t resume, I was literally too qualified for it. I was going to be the big fish in a small pond.

I kept thinking about the words of the interviewer and the look he gave me. I called my sister and she gave me one of those sincere sister talks. It was time for me to gear up.

I discovered I had a major issue. I had to start from telling myself the truth.  I had to stop seeing myself in the light of the situations around me.  I had to come into terms with that part of me that is scared to be judged or turned down and stop feeding on negativities. I remember meeting a brilliant old school friend and listening to her job search woes and how she finally settled for something really low.

There are times we dwell so much on our physical strength that we forget that things are not really in our hands. I forgot who I was and what I was capable of doing through Christ. It took the interviewer and my sister to make me check myself and come into a new realiazation.

Coincidentally, I attended my church fellowship that week and what I was being told in my spirit was confirmed. We are not who the world says we are. We are who God says we are. Knowing who we are in the Lord helps us get a clearer picture of where we are headed.

My issues are resolved now, I am bolder in my approach and I hope to give my testimony soon. I see a new me in the mirror.

May we be able to see ourselves in the light of God's plan for us.

I urge you to step out of whatever limit you have placed upon your life and embrace the full life Jesus died for.
Happy Easter.

Friday, April 18, 2014

It's Friday, Sunday is coming

This morning at Church, as the pastor went over the events that occurred at Christ's crucifixion,  a thought crossed my mind... "What did Christ's disciples think?" What went through their minds as Christ carried the cross, beaten, mocked and eventually nailed to the cross? Did they hope for a miracle? Afterall, Christ raised the dead,  healed the sick and provided food for thousands with loaves of bread and fish that could barely feed a family. I'm sure at some point, they must have expected him to send fire on his tormentors with just a few words, they must have been watching,  waiting,  listening for his big moment when he'd eventually show those insolent rascsls he's God! But that did not happen. Instead, he gave up the ghost and his last few words- "my father,  my father,  why have you forsaken me?" And "It is finished" must have caused his disciples to think all was lost!  The man they followed for years could not save himself! I imagine they must have been absolutely disappointed.  Little did they know.... It was friday, sunday was coming!

Are you in a situation you don't understand? A situation that renders you helpless, a situation that simply seems to be unresolvable? Are you losing hope because it seems like even God can't save you? Do you feel the devil is rejoicing over your misery like he most  probably did when Jesus was punished for simply being the son of God? I have a message for you today.  All your pain, suffering and sadness will end. It's still Friday. Nobody, not even the devil imagined Christ would rise from the grave, victorious! So, keep calm, God has an amazing surprise planned! Your 'Sunday' will be here sooner than you think. Don't lose hope!

The School called Marriage

Marriage is the only school where you get the Certificate before you start.
It's also a school where you will never graduate. 
It's a school without a break or a free period. 
It's a school where no one is allowed to drop out. 
It's a school you will have to attend every day of your life. 
It's a school where there is no sick leave or holidays. 
It's a school founded by God: 
  1. On the foundation of love. 
  2. The walls are made out of trust. 
  3. The door made out of acceptance. 
  4. The windows made out of understanding 
  5. The furniture made out of blessings 
  6. The roof made out of faith. 
Be reminded that you are just a student not the principal. God is the only Principal. 
Even in times of storms, don't be unwise and run outside. 
Keep in mind that, this school is the safest place to be. 
Never go to sleep before completing your assignments for the day. 

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Searching For Love Online: 6 Things You Need To Know

Do guys still harass ladies by tailing them in a car or walking closely behind them to get their numbers or contacts? I remember that was the deal sometime ago and few people probably still practise that. You all will agree it is a lot easier chatting another up on the social media these days. One can comfortably hide behind the keypads swelling with false confidence while typing things one would have lacked the courage to say if there were no barriers.

Technology generally has made sure our physical contacts with other human beings are becoming less and less, but the thing is, one barely notices this trend. I stay connected with my friends that I haven’t seen in years and I feel like when we see, it will feel like we saw ourselves the day before because of the closeness I feel through voice messages and picture updates.

Some researchers even arrived at a conclusion that one feels the emotions  that the emojis  used in some of the apps on these social media represent. Meaning I am probably happy when I use the dancing smiley and depressed when I use the sad face smiley.

I know someone that got married to a guy she met on bbm, he proposed to her the first day they saw themselves physically. While that might seem like a risk, I must confess they have had a great marriage so far. Not everyone is as lucky. I have heard countless tales of online relationship woes.
The line between physical and virtual has become blurred and many people are becoming more and more involved in online relationships.
Do you still wonder if the social media is the right place to meet the one you would want to spend forever with? Well, these are some things for you to consider;

  • ·         What exactly are you looking for? Many people have been treated to shocks of their lives when they finally meet the person that has been making their adrenaline rise really high. The person sometimes doesn’t measure up in any way to the pictures. If you are big on physical looks, then, you might want to reconsider before getting in an online relationship because what you see is not always what you get.

  • ·         Getting to know the other person outside of the social media is absolutely necessary. We all come from different backgrounds that we don’t feel the need to reveal in our online profiles. Behind a humorous profile might be a dark and depressed individual. If one doesn’t spend time with the other person, this dark side might be a terrible surprise at a much later time. Understand that no matter how much you think you know an individual on line, the person is largely a stranger. Be careful who you allow into your life.
It is advisable to court yourselves outside the media to get better acquainted.

  • ·         Have reasonable expectations. Consider geographical barriers. It is almost ridiculous to think something could come out of a relationship with someone that one has slim chances of ever meeting. You can’t be in Nigeria while your online lover is in Australia or Finland. There will be a cultural shock and you might never be able to adapt.It is ridiculous to think there is a future in an online relationship of up to four years where the other party has been avoiding a physical meet up. I won’t act like some of these relationships don’t finally work out but a good number don’t.

  • ·         Always take your time. You need not rush into something solid suddenly. You need to consider the other person’s values. Do they correspond with yours? Do you stand for the same things? In answering these questions, you need to look in the right places. There are different sites that tend to different relationship needs, find your category. Join a Christian dating site if you have to. I am not saying this erases the other things you should be looking out for but it limits the negatives you might be opening yourself to.

  • ·         When you want to meet up, pick a neutral place in the outdoors. Visiting the other person’s house might not be a good decision. Take your time to build your trust in the other person.

  • ·         Above all, don’t forget the role of prayer, ask God to know His thoughts on what you are involving yourself in. If you get a good feeling in your spirit, keep at it.

I know the older generation frown at online relationships but it has become a big part of our lives in the present times. Least we can do is arm ourselves with the right tools when getting into it.
Have a pleasant time dating.

Monday, April 14, 2014

"I'm NEVER getting Married!!!"

This post is addressed to all youths out there that have uttered this statements more times than they can count. "I'm never getting married"...It sounds so final, so sure, some of us even call it a preference..."i prefer not to get married". It is very common amongst ladies that are struggling to meet to the kind of man they'd like to spend the rest of their lives with. Someone was said to me "I am tired of dating. I know what my standards are but sometimes, I let go of them simply because I feel they are too high, yet I end up disappointed and used. I am never getting married." It is important to note that the laduy in question was 24 at the time she said this and now, at 27, she is happily married. I've heard of many stories like hers and it made me wonder, why do we sentence ourselves to a life of loneliness when the author of time has not sentenced us to such?

I know why....these days, many of us get hurt, marriage seems to be an obsolete idea and commitment is no longer a sweet sound to the ears of many but a source of phobia. Many men don't want to commit and they make it clear; many women are eager to get married but there are no men. In some cases, many men are looking forward to marriage but they just can't meet the 'right' woman. After many disappointments and heartbreaks, we retire to our rooms, wet our pillows and say to ourselves, "I'm never getting married." Sometimes, this statement is uttered in other demeaning forms "I am unlovable", "I'm just one of those girls that people take advantage of all the time", "I do my best in relationships but the guy moves on to someone else.", "perhaps, I am meant to be alone".....the list goes on.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Get That Healthy Kind Of Love

Love really does have different sides and lately it has become really hard to define. Lines have been blurred and what some call love might just be a misplaced feeling of lust or obsession. While these other shades might bear semblance to true love, there are notable differences and it is safe for one to be able to tell the difference. Love doesn’t have to come with strife. It is alright for lovers to have arguments but how they pull through each of their hurdles is reflective of how deep and how matured their love is or if they are really in love or not.

An old friend shared with me that she was back with her ex who used to beat her but lavishes her with lots of gift. The guy said he has changed and she thinks he has.

 I was tempted to sit her down and have one of those long girlfriend talks that I am positive she wouldn’t want any of, considering that it wasn’t going to be our first or second intervention talks. I love her so much and I wish her well. Just like her, I truthfully want to believe the guy is a changed person now and those times are over but like they say habits die hard (sometimes).

Love to her is how he gets very possessive and jealous over her. I can’t fault her understanding of love; however it is alright when such myopic definition of love is pointed out. I am not one for ‘told you so’s and I hope I wouldn’t have to use the phrase with her.

Love is jealous but that is not the only attribute that love possesses.

There are so many other people guilty of sticking with a very narrow definition of love.

Some couples think they should be together forever because they are infatuated with themselves at particular times in their lives. This has led to many divorces in recent times. We hear them say ‘we are no longer in love’.

It is normal to hear ‘I love you’ being thrown around like it means nothing.

There is the healthy kind of love. The one the scripture described;

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails. 1Corithians 13:4-8

This love described is definitely not the kind that couples that say they are no longer in love feel or felt for themselves.

If you are ever in doubt as to whether what you feel or what exists between you and another is real love,  then measure it against this scriptural scale.

Don’t be caught up in a loveless kind of ‘love’ holding on to very myopic definitions of what love is.

Love is sacred, let’s keep it so.

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