Tuesday, October 21, 2014

5 Steps To Save A Failing Relationship - Part 1

In the hustle and bustle of our modern day lives, we tend to forget that there is more to life than our work or business. We forget that we have families – wives and children that look up to us to play our parts as husbands and fathers.

Sometimes we even forget we have a relationship with our Creator, our God.

Though this article is about saving relationships, it is important to first discuss why relationships fail.

I will also like to define a relationship in this article to be a connection, an association or involvement between two people. Specifically I will like to refer to the relationship in marriage; between husband and wife.

Relationships are built on expectations. When a man gets married to a woman, he expects that the woman will play a certain role in his life. He has expectations about the woman as a wife, a friend, a lover, the mother of his children and many more. The woman also has expectations about the man as a husband, friend, lover and the father of her children. Note that these expectations, whether realistic or unrealistic, has been formed over the years.

It is important that this couple communicates these expectations with one another.

When these expectations are not clearly communicated with one another, there will be problems that will adversely affect the relationship.

For instance, a man who expects his wife not to work after marriage might have a hard time explaining to his wife who has over the years planned how she would rise up the corporate ladder to achieve her own goals. If both parties had clearly communicated their expectations before marriage, they would have known whether this would be deal breaker.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Signs You Are Obnoxious and Unaware Of It

Almost everyone has a certain degree of 'unpleasantness' to them; I like to call this the tolerable degree. Many of us can be moody, curt in our responses, or just not in the mood to deal with people. Yet, we somehow find a way to relate well with people without them wanting to avoid us completely. 

The case is different for obnoxious people; obnoxious people are people that are EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT to be around. They are the kinds of people many of us would jump into the red sea to avoid, and if you are a nice person, you'll only be able to take obnoxious individuals in doses of once every six mnonths. In other words, you'll only be able to stand such people for a couple of hours once every six months before you run for cover.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Parents and Greener Pastures: Where Do Your Children Fit in?

People always say "home is where the heart is"; however what they truly mean is that "home is where you're born and raised". While it may be true for some people that home is where all their dreams come true, some people struggle a lot with making ends meet, and therefore cannot fight the urge to seek greener pastures in a different state, province, country or even continent.

Many parents have grand plans for their children; however I daresay some parents are so clouded by their own desire for personal success, they don't consider the effects of their plans on their children. I've met parents who abandoned their teenage children in a bid to go 'make it' in a foreign country. They get to their destination, and the reality that things are not rosy everywhere hits. It's another struggle, another journey to success and a lot of adjustment is required. Many soon realize quickly that they cannot provide the dream lives they promised their children back home, nor can they hop on a plane and return home- partly because they are unwilling to admit failure or because they believe staying a few years will expose them to better opportunities. But then what happens to the children?

Under no condition should both parents abandon their children while they go in search of greener pasture! If both parents can't afford to take their children with them, then they should either both stay where they are with their children or let one parent go. The latter for me is unacceptable as many people although married go in search of better opportunities and forget their families.

Before you decide to make a big move, you first need to consider the effect the environment will have on your children. Will you be able to afford their fees for sometime before you get a steady source of income? Do you have a job offer awaiting you? Will you be able to cater for your children's basic needs? You may not be able to offer them fancy clothes, but will you be able to give them the tools they need to succeed in that environment?

When making such decisions as parents, your children should be the centre of your reflection and assessment. Don't abandon your children with a friend or relative for any reason! Your children are better off with you, even with only the basics.

Stay blessed. Xoxo

Friday, October 10, 2014

The dangers of the internet and how you can protect your child

Image credits: ohsoamelia.com
We live in the web age. Gone are those days when we could only communicate via letters written by hand and sent via the post office or call an operator thousands of miles away from home to connect us with friends and family. These days, mobile phones, computers, tablets and so on make life a lot easier…or so we believe.

There is no doubt that using the internet provides us with much more information than we had access to decades ago but what are the dangers this great invention pose to the lives of your children?

There has been a recent surge in suicides amongst teenagers of recent and many of these cases have been traced to online bullying. Teenagers are now exposed to social networks such as facebook, twitter and so on; these social networks sometimes end up as a teenager’s nightmare. Many children these days are being bullied online and cannot say anything about it. During teenage years, many individuals are caught in a personal fable and believe that no one can understand what they are going through. It is hard for them to share feelings of being bullied or tormented by their mates because they don’t want to come across as losers.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The Steps Of the Righteous AND the Unrighteous Are Ordered By the Lord

Have you ever been in a situation where you missed your way to a certain place and kicked yourself for not leaving home early enough or listening to that small voice in your head that told you to take a different route? You miss your way, you’re angry, you are despondent and if you are anything like me, probably on the verge of breaking down in tears but somewhere along that ‘wrong’ route you came face to face with a miracle? Or do you sometimes find yourself at crossroads, being edged towards that route you think might spell disaster but when you finally get on it, it is blessings and favour all the way?

“The steps of a righteous person are ordered by the Lord and He delights in his ways” (Psalm 37:23).

That is one statement that has held through for me since I came to know Jesus and I am sure you can relate to it too. God is a father, he’s a mother, a defender of the defenseless, a helping hand to those that are struggling, he gives a comforting hug when life kicks us down and above all, he shines his light when we are in darkness! He orders our steps even when we don’t ask him to. Why? Because he loves us that much!

I looked up the meaning of the word righteous and found that I actually don’t fit the bill; righteous means to be upright, blameless, just, honorable, honest, and moral and generally a good person. I fall short of all of that; many of us do, so don’t read this and think “God will not bother with me.” Think instead about the many ways God has ordered your steps to greatness in spite of your many shortcomings. I know for one that I’m not entirely blameless, I try but really, I fall short many times but what keeps me going is this:

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Q & A: Is there anything wrong in maintaining contact with my ex after marriage?

Situation:

Husband: How can I believe that there is nothing going on between you and your ex? You say he is your ex and he keep calling you; even as late as 10p.m. at night. Does he not know you are married? I have told you that you should tell him to keep off.

Wife: I don't know what you are stressing yourself about. Have I not married you? He is just a good friend. He means no harm. I don't think you should see him as a threat.

This is similar to a case handled by my wife and I at a counseling session recently.  The husband clearly had a problem with his wife fraternizing with her ex-boyfriend but the wife didn't see any harm in it. The issue was to determine whether it was right or wrong.

Answer:

Thursday, October 2, 2014

The War Against Marriage: Are You Letting the Devil Win?

Marriage is the one institution the devil is constantly waging war against. It is also the one institution many of us seem to be increasingly careless about. Having read so many disheartening stories about broken marriages, I couldn't help but wonder if people are really as bad as they seem, or if we are caught in a spiritual warfare we're not paying any attention to.

Of course marriage is not only about the spiritual, it is about the physical too- the physical characteristics and personality traits of our chosen partners, amongst many other things. The problem I see these days is that the devil is stealing our attention from the spiritual, by making us focus on the physical.

Marriages these days are crashing faster than blind bats; irreconciliable differences is one of the most common reasons for divorce. i wonder who came up with that term 'irrecobnciliable difference'. In all my years on earth, I am yet to really come across differences that cannot be reconciled if the two parties involved want to. However, for some reason, couples are struggling to reconcile these so-called differences that creep out of nowhere after five to ten years of marriage.

Couples grow apart instead of growing together, they suddenly have different interests, they prefer to sleep in separate beds because one bed is just too small, they submit to the wiles of the devil, all the while thinking they are living a modern marriage.
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