Saturday, August 20, 2016

5 Marital Lies You Might Have Believed

Some marriages might have survived if the people involved in them got married with the right orientation. There are many misconceptions about marriage and some of them have been said so much that we have become conditioned to believe them. Asides from being misleading, some of these misconceptions can have dire consequences if left unchecked. Many marriages crash because of such unattainable assumptions. 

Below is a list of lies we believe.

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If someone loves you, the person wouldn’t hurt you: People we love the most are the ones capable of hurting us. We are not perfect beings and so we err sometimes. There are times we hurt the ones we love not because we intend to, but more because of our human nature. 

Marriage thrives on open mindedness and forgiveness but if we have conditioned ourselves to not make room for any kind of mistake, it becomes really hard to forgive. As controversial as this may sound, I believe a marriage can survive grave offences such as infidelity depending on the circumstances. You just need to understand that making mistakes doesn’t automatically mean that your spouse loves you less.

You can change your spouse: Love sometimes make us go into the superhuman mode. We find ourselves taking on projects that are sometimes futile. We assume that love would automatically erase habits that have been formed by our proposed spouse over a long period of time. More often than not, we find that this isn’t true. Habits are very hard to break and it is better for one to not go ahead with a marriage if it is one that one cannot cope with. This doesn’t mean that people don’t change at all but it isn’t guaranteed. Change also doesn’t become achieved by constant ranting and nagging.

This Is One Major Reason Marriages Fail

I have asked myself so many times "why do marriages fail? If God created marriage to last, why do we keep failing at it?" I mean God created us to live, and we live, we breathe, we go through tough situations that build endurance in us but we don't give up. For some reason, our minds have this hope that everything will work out and we keep working towards that point where everything works out. Why don't we ever do the same for marriage? Why is it easy to give up? Why is it easy to walk away from people who have supported us through thick and thin and merged their life with ours?

I have a theory on why marriages fail, and it is one simple word: Change. 

I have heard about how people change in marriage. It makes sense. Even as single people we change. We develop new habits, change our priorities, develop new visions and directions, change careers, give up on dead ends, change our lives...basically we change as people and getting married does not exempt us from that. So if change is so natural, why is it a reason for marriage failures? The answer is simple; most of the time, when people change, they tend to assume other people have not seen the light and should be left behind. 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

When Men Forget Important Dates

I saw a caption few years ago where the husband asked the wife for the password to the laptop and she replied that the password was their anniversary date. He soliloquized "how can she use that" because he couldn’t figure out the date just immediately.

This is not to shade men but they tend to forget vital dates that should be treasured. One of my friends once told me how his wife reacted when he forgot her birth-date.

These dates are quite important to women and it is only necessary that the men in these women’s lives try some useful formulae to always remember these dates as at when necessary.

Women will always cherish men who remember such dates as their birth-dates, wedding anniversary, their parents’ birth-date, their children birth-dates etc; without them reminding their partners/spouses. They will even see such men as being romantic when he not only remembers but also surprises her with gifts on such occasions.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Five Things You're Not Doing In Your New Relationship That You Really Should

New relationships are as difficult as they are fun; however the butterflies stop fluttering at some point and issues that range from petty to downright unacceptable start to pop up. An interesting observation I have made over the years is that many people set the motion for their issues right at the very beginning of their relationship, creating roller-coaster problems that could have been avoided. Here are five common things you are doing in your new relationship that will definitely set the wheel in motion for issues to develop later.

#1 Setting the Boundaries: Many people fail to set the necessary boundaries in their relationships because they worry they will scare their partner away. So they accept funny nicknames they cannot stand, bad behavior they cannot tolerate in the long term, and standards they cannot keep up with. If you are uncomfortable with your partner going through your phone, just say so (hopefully you have nothing to hide *wink*). If you are uncomfortable with your partner getting too close to your buddies, well, speak up. Simple advice: If you don't see yourself living with it, don't accept it right from the start.

#2 Keeping your issues with your family private: So many people get swept up in the wave of a new relationship and quickly hang out the dirty laundry of their family issues to dry. As a lady once put it to me, "it makes you feel closer to the person you're dating". Well, it also gives the person you're dating a bad impression of your family and ammunition to hit you with when shit hits the fan. If it is a major issue that makes any member of your family look bad, keep it to yourself or discuss it with other family members. You've just met this person. Take your time.

Six Signs That Says He Is not The One

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Getting married quick becomes a woman’s heart desire once she gets to a certain age. Societal expectations and family pressure play a large part in making a woman get uncomfortable with her singlehood. Unconsciously, she starts to see prospects in people she might not have even given the time of the day while she was younger. 

Some people handle the pressure well and are still able to discern when to stay or go when caught in bad relationships, while some others keep trying even when the situation says for them to checkout.

Marriage is lifelong and choosing right is very important.

Below is a list of men, you need to keep away from so as not to get your expectations shattered:-

If he keeps other women: I can hear you say this is a no brainer but I also know for a fact that there are women stuck in this kind of arrangement. They see all the signs and all the other women in his life but think they can win him over with their homely qualities. They feel like he is a treasure they have to fight hard to keep. He says the other women don’t matter , thus giving one a false sense of hope. 

My dear, you need no soothsayer to tell you that you are in the wrong relationship. A man that really wants you would get rid of other attractions just to be with you. Don’t be charmed with his lies. It would only end in broken promises and ruined esteem. You deserve someone that would respect you and preserve your heart. 

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Donnie McClurkin annouces engagement to gospel singer, Nicole C. Mullen

Donnie McClurkin and Nicole C. Mullen
Finally, Gospel singer Donnie McClurkin is getting married. This was revealed on TBN’s “Praise the Lord” show Thursday (August 11) night when he came on the show as a musical guest.

There had been rumours that the two were dating when they were seen together at this year's Stellar Awards together but they never confirmed this relationship.

The 56 year old year gospel minister and singer has never been married but he is a single father. 49 year old, Nicole on the other hand, was previously married to CCM singer songwriter, David Mullen but divorced in 2014.

The revelation occurred when A.R Bernard, also a guest on the "Praise the Lord" show, said he would be giving Donnie some counselling in the near future. Bernard hinted at Donnie's engagement when the host of the show, Matt Crouch, suddenly stood up and shouted to the audience "Are you ready for something? You want me to drop something on you? Donnie McClurkin is getting married! Come on.

L-R: Donnie McClurkin, Matt Crouch, Laurie Crouch and A.R Bernard at the "Praise The Lord" TBN show

A visibly surprised Donnie responded in confirmation saying 
"Well praise God. Honestly, the only thing in my life that is missing is marriage. The only thing that is missing in my life that can cause real family, is marriage. Financially, I’m there. Spiritually, I’m almost there. Emotionally, I’m getting it together. But the only thing that’s missing out of everything that I’m doing locally, cross country and globally is that aspect that makes family, family — is that wife that would make man whole, that element that brings favour to man.”
He said that God brought them together while on a trip to Ivory Coast. Though they had known each other for 15 years, they never had the chance to really talk until that 8 hour trip to Africa. 

Congratulations Donnie and Nicole.

Stop Holding Back, Get Married Already.

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Marriage is a beautiful thing and perhaps good enough to aspire to if things are done the way God intend for it to be (a mutually sacrificial selfless show of love and dedication like the relationship between Christ and the church). 

There has been a lot of depressing marital news causing some to question the need for the union. It is not uncommon to hear people say they are never going to get married or that the marital institution will go extinct soon. There are a lot of other kinds of arrangement that don’t spell commitment that all seem to make the marital institution a big joke. It truthfully does look like we have lost it with tales of infidelity and sometimes murder trailing even the relationships some might have looked up to. 

Couples that were supposedly in love come on social media airing the dirtiest of their laundry for all to see further deepening the aversion some already developed for the institution. How do we know who is true? Can we be careful in love? Will our hearts ever be safe? Who is to tell if a lover would stay or go? Or who knows the man/woman that will stay with one through thick or thin?
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