Friday, August 1, 2014

Before You Go Into Courtship....

I have read so many articles with titles like "Just before you say I do", "Before you into marriage", "Just before you walk down the aisle"....etc. Many of these articles usually focus on what people should or should not do before they get married, but it seems we have forgotten that before marriage, there is a wedding and before a wedding, there is an important phase of the relationship called the courtship. Many times, the nature of the courtship and the decisions taken during this phase will determine how the marriage turns out. Many are ignorant of this fact, and those who are aware choose to ignore the importance of the courtship phase.

Before you go into courstip, there are certain things you should and should not do, things you should know, and decisions you should have made as a single whole individual. I've listed three of these things below:

  • As a single individual, you need to have your vision board, either in your head or on a piece of paper where you can see it everyday. A vision board is a board that has all your wildest dreams about what you can become, and includes possible steps on how you might achieve them. Contrary to general belief, a vision board is not designed to 'box' you. It is not there to lay a definite path you must follow. It simply gives you a big picture of where you expect to see yourself in future. This picture is not simply for you to dream about your future achievements, it should be an important factor when it's time for you to select a partner. These days, many couples are mismatched in terms of dreams, visions, spirituality and so many other factors that contribute to a marriage. This often leads to abuse, or bitterness and it's only a matter of time before the cracks start to show. Have your vision board, so you can easily tell when someone shares the same vision as you, or a complementary vision. 
  • Know yourself and accept who you are. So many married couples are married to a camouflage of their real partner. People hide their true identities beneath masks of makeup, photoshopped pictures and status updates that do not truly reflect what they are about. As an individual, planning to go into a relationship like marriage, you need to know yourself and accept who you are. There is no point projecting a fake image to the other person, because sooner or later, the cracks will show! Being someone else is a tad too burdensome, your real self will emerge at some point and your partner will feel he or she was in a relationship with someone else.=
  • Know your standards. I know people are quick to jump and tell you to lower your standards, but I always say if your standards are reasonable, lowering them simply to join the 'Mrs' clique will land you in trouble. Know your standards; know what you are worth. You have lived your life by yourself, made certain decisions that most likely led you to success and made you the strong individual that you are. Don't settle for less! Aim for what you know you deserve. This does not apply to men or women who are hoping to meet an affluent member of the opposit sex to bail them out of life's troubles. If you are hardworking, intelligent and a visionary, it would be sad to waste your abilities in a relationship with a person who has a complacent and lackadaisical attitude towards life
The most important thing you need to know before you go into a courtship is YOU! You need to know yourself, what you stand for, what your aspirations are and the kind of marriage you hope to build. With this knowledge in place, it will be difficult for you to go wrong! Stay blessed XOXO

Thursday, July 31, 2014


Most times a person with better experience can provide a deeper insight into things. This has always checked out time after time. I am of the opinion however that much as it might seem like there is no air tight formula in being able to achieve a healthy relationship, some principles are just so recurrent that they never go old.

Jeanne Faulkner shares her tips gotten from almost 33years experience and although you might have heard or read them before, her straight to the point tips might be less confusing and more achievable. Enjoy.

OLD COUPLE LOVEMy husband and I will soon celebrate our 33rd wedding anniversary. We got married way too young and the odds were probably stacked against us and yet, here we are so many years later and we're still together. We're not celebrities, not wealthy, not in the spotlight and not any different than anybody else who has picked a lifetime partner. We've been through some seriously great times together but we've also been through some shit and I mean real-life shit that could be way too much for some couples to withstand. So what's the key to our longevity? It's pretty simple. We're happy together, we like each other's company and we're still genuinely in love. That accounts for most of why we've been able to stick it out while other couples can't. We have other keys though and here are ten of them:
1. When you're thinking about getting married, pick someone you absolutely adore. It sets a good baseline for those times when you get on each other's nerves.
2. Make sure he/she has a sense of humor -- you're going to need it. If that sense of humor is similar to yours, you'll have a lot of fun together.
3. Don't consider your spouse a fixer-upper. The person he/she is on the day you marry is the same person he'll be 30, 40 or 50-odd years later. His habits, body, career, friends, interests and goals might change, but the person he is deep inside will remain the same. If you don't think he's fabulous as is, don't get married.
4. Expect your marriage to be a nice long road trip with smooth stretches and unpaved areas, hills, curves, valleys, ditches and quite a few speed bumps and potholes. Every now and again you might need to fix the engine and find a good mechanic, but don't forget to stop at the viewpoints, enjoy the scenery, pack good snacks and take a lot of pictures.
5. Be nicer and more compassionate to each other than to anyone else.
6. If you have children, don't make them the total focus of your marriage.They're important and distracting and they'll require a lot of your attention, but they'll only be with you for about 20 years. Your spouse will be with you for life.
7. Communication is important, but it doesn't always have to be verbal and you don't absolutely have to talk about every little thing that comes up. Leave room for silence.
8. Have your own interests, activities, friends and career. Share liberally with your spouse but don't expect him/her to be your everything.
9. Each spouse should work and contribute money to the household. It's one of the best ways to support each other. Plus, if each partner is a wage owner, the balance of give and take and power and responsibility in the relationship is more equal.
10. Don't get divorced. Plain and simple.

Original Article appeared on

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Getting Him To Appreciate You

I just let go of the help I had at the house. Irreconcilable differences capture the essence of arriving at that decision. Truth be told it has been kind of hard adjusting to juggling house chores with other errands. To compound the situation, we have plumbing issues that has to wait till the weekend to get fixed which means I also have to worry about getting water in the house. I am in a constant state of fatigue and atimes it is a wonder that I wake up the next day energized and ready to take the world again.

I try to suppress my lawyerly attitude and the temptation to always expect for my husband to put in equal or even more effort than I put in keeping the house together. I have accepted a number of times to being guilty of being locked up in a fantasy world. I stay very well in the ideal of ‘what ought to be’ zone. But even when I am being reasonable with my expectations, I still feel I don’t get enough ‘thank you’s for the things I get done around the house. Men can be really lazy when it comes to doing chores, imagine my irritation when I am cooking and cleaning and my husband tells me our daughter needs a diaper change.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

God's Prodigal Love

We are all familiar of the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15; and from childhood, many of us were taught in sunday schools to view this story from the perspective of the son- He took his share of his father's inheritance, went to a different town, squandered all his money, and when reality hit, decided to return home. And of course, the lesson was always "You can always return to God". 

Recently, I saw a book that was titled "The Prodigal God", and I couldn't wrap my mind around anyone calling God prodigal. I got home and googled the meaning of the word 'prodigal'. The first meaning that jumped out at me was "wastefully extravagant", and the second was "to give something away lavishly". I smiled!

The story of the prodigal son was not really about the son leaving and coming home when he had hit rock bottom. It was about his father who was so willing to accept a son who had defiled him and defiled tradition, by asking for his share of the inheritance while his father was still alive. Can you imagine walking to your parents now and demanding they give your half of their wealth?money you didn't even work for? especially after they've given you everything a child could ever need? It is absolutely unheard of! I trust African parents will scream out loud and propose that child is planning to kill them in their sleep. This father in the parable did none of that. He gave his second son his share, bade him goodbye and let him live his life. He did not threaten him, nor did he even disown him. He let him be.

Advice for Parents: Train up your child in the way he should go.

Proverbs 22:6 New King James Version (NKJV)

Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

The Bible verse is very specific about the responsibility of parents when it comes to bringing up their children. Sometimes I get the feeling that parents think because it is in the Bible, it refers only to spiritual things, not the everyday little things.

The verse refers to all things. It includes the way to cook, the way to greet elders, the way to eat at table, the way to dress and many more. Some parents shout at their children and tell them that their children do not know how to do this and how to do that when they have never invested in training the children.

The family is the nucleus of society and every child is supposed to learn most of life's values from its family. So if the family presents a conducive setting; with the parents lovingly teaching and setting good examples, the children will learn and imbibe the good values. Parents should not leave the setting of good values to the school authorities and the environment. The ones that do end up blaming the society and schools for the immoral values of their corrupt children.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

The Best First Date

This is an interesting video of the best first date. Nice and sentimental

Watch and Enjoy

Friday, July 25, 2014

Dating Down is a Crime!!!

Many women are in a race against time and simultaneously in competition with their friends, colleagues, neighbours and even other people that are oblivious to their existence. In order to attain the 'Mrs' tag, women reach a point of desperation where they believe anyone is better than no one. It doesn't matter what anyone does, or what his aspirations or lack thereof are, no one is no-no, so anyone will do.

The concept of dating down to most people immediately ignites discussions about financial wealth and many are quick to point out that dating a rich man will not necessarily result in happiness. He might be abusive, a cheater...etc. I agree; however I believe many people have misconstrued views of what dating down is about.

If you are working on your MSc degree in Microbiology, and your man is doing his Honours degree in Information Technology, you are not dating down. Dating down has nothing to do with a competition of degrees and qualifications. It however has a lot to do with dreams and aspirations, drive and the will to succeed.
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