Thursday, November 20, 2014
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
There are set societal standards we are expected to follow when we go into relationships. There are stages we are expected to follow, and in some cases, these stages are attached to certain time limits.
Recently, I've been observing and reading stories of couples on wedding blogs. When I read some stories where the grooms said they fell in love at first sight, or knew they would marry their bride after three dates, I wrinkled my nose, laughed out loud and ended my derision with 'yeah right'. However when I took some time to think about the pace in relationships, I couldn't help but admit that there should not be any set durations for relationships.
Some couples meet and know from the first day that they are meant to be. For some couples, it may take months, while others may take years. I asked myself what determines the pace of a relationship? Is it the number of dates, the amount of fun activities done together? Or the amount if time spent spwaking to each other? I came to the conclusion that the relationship pace is set by what couples talk about. So many couples spend a lot of time together, but don't have quality conversations. Of course society looks at such couples and decides after a few years that they are ready to embark on a marital journey. Few years down the line, the cracks begin to show and people wonder what went wrong. On the other hand, some couples date for a few months before marriage, and go on to have the best marriages ever.
I have come to the conclusion that couples should set their own pace, and not necessarily attempt to follow the standards set by society. After all, it's not about how long the relationship is, but how well a couple connects.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Thursday, November 13, 2014
This parable got me thinking about us humans and our dreams. Our dreams are like seeds that we scatter across the ground. We hope they'll ll grow but we really don't know what to expect when we put them out there. Some of them fall along the path and are snapped up by the vultures of the world. We sometimes share our dreams with people more experienced than we are, and we end up being sidelined. Sometimes our dreams fall on shallow soil. These are the dreams we don't dedicate a lot of attention to because we believe more in their failure than their success.
Our investments in these dreams are shallow and lackadaisical. These dreams soon wither because they are scorched by the harsh realities of the world. Some of our dreams start growing but they are stifled by the many adversaries we meet on the road to success- fake friends, society, discrimination etc. These dreams eventually die of strangulation. However, there are those dreams that fall on fertile soil; these are the dreams we nurture, the dreams we ensure do not fall among the thorns of society, the dreams we protect from the vultures of the world. Sometimes these dreams only fall on fertile soil after we have thrown some of our dreams in the wrong places. Sometimes we have to go through all the phases to reach our fertile soil. Sometimes we get lucky and our dreams fall on fertile soil the first time.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Saturday, November 8, 2014
These days, achieving our dreams may be more difficult than they were years ago; the competition is tougher, and of course life happens. We sometimes find ourselves facing a direction different from the one we planned and we end up getting frustrated and unhappy. In some cases however, we find ourselves in a comfort zone- a zone where we do not have all we want, but we have the basic things we need. In this zone, we tend to relax, forget our worries, and above all, forget our dreams.
The comfort zone prevents us from going farther, from aiming higher, and from achieving the best. The comfort zone makes us forget the dreams we once had. It makes us believe we have the basics many people don't, therefore, we ought to let sleeping dogs lie, and just make do with what we have. In addition, with the continuous hustle and bustle of life, some of us get so exhausted, we forget to aim high or even dream. Dreaming becomes exhausting, not to mention taking action to achieve them.
One lesson I learned from the conference last weekend was to constantly stay in touch with my dreams. Sometimes we may not be able to take immediate actions to achieve our dreams, but constantly thinking about them and mapping out plans help us to stay in touch with them. No form of preparation is wasted, and though your dreams may seem too difficult to reach, keep working on them. One day, everything will pay off. XOXO
I've met many people who consider those that do not share their perspective on life and other issues to be boring, unmotivated, confused, and sometimes unintelligent. This is not always the case. The fact that a person may not appreciate watching CNN the whole day doesn't mean that person is a dummy. Differences between partners bring spice to a relationship. They make the journey of discovering who the other person is, and what he or she is about, an adventure.
It is important to acknowledge and appreciate the differences between you and your partner; these differences make your relationships interesting and give you a different perspective to human behaviour. Being with someone that is simply just another you can become rather monotonous and sooner or later, keeping up with the relationship will become a laborious task.