Thursday, December 1, 2016

You Need To Take A Break From Relationships

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

7 Simple Things You Shouldn't Do When Resolving Conflicts (Part 2)
Do not give the silent treatment; giving your partner the cold shoulder every time you have a disagreement is never the way to go. Asides from it being a manipulative tool , it doesn’t exactly solve anything. You may assume that your partner ought to know why you are angry when they truthfully don’t. It is always better to talk things in a bid to iron out your differences.

Do not make a mess of the trust invested in you; anger can bring out the worst in even the best people, making them to become vindictive. Lovers share a lot between themselves including secrets and flaws they don’t feel comfortable letting someone else know. Don’t break your partner’s trust by referring them to something they told you in secret just in a bid to break them or make them see reasons with you. This leads me to the next point.

Issues should be discussed in the light of the present situation. There will be need to forgive and forgive all over again in the course of your marriage. You don t want to be caught referring to past situations that ought to be buried every time you have a fresh argument over totally unrelated things(even related ones). It is tempting to want to prove your point by making your partner see just how many times you have been on that road but the goal isn’t about one person winning. What matters is for both of you to be committed to making the needed amends to forge ahead in your relationships.

Do not argue in front of other people: It is a relationship between you two not some communal setting. Learn to handle your businesses privately without necessarily involving outsiders that may be looking to justify the deeds of one person against the other .You do not want to give someone that doesn’t have any business in your business airing opinions that might be toxic to your relationship. I know there are times this might be hard because you feel seriously slighted or irritated but two wrongs never make a right. There is a place and time for everything.

Do not become abusive while trying to resolve your issues: be careful not to raise your voice on your spouse while trying to make your points so as not to trigger an outrageous reaction. The goal is to resolve the issues between you two and so do not make it worse by throwing insults at one another or becoming violent in any way. This will only make things worse and even after it all gets cooled down (if it does) a line would have already been crossed raising other questions.

 All in all no one is perfect and not every situation is the same. Conflicts are meant to be resolved in the most civil way. Words can hurt really deep. Let love be your guide as you try to find solution to whatever issue might arise. Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres

7 Simple Things You Shouldn't Do When Resolving Conflicts (Part 1)
Romance novels formed a great part of my reading in my early teens, the predictability of the stories made that genre lose its charm for me as I grew in age. One could always tell how the characters relate and how the plot would unfold from just the summary. Did I mention the many assumptions contained in them were also a source of concern? The picture perfect imaginations painted had me spending the better part of those years daydreaming about a tall Adonis that had the missing parts to all my unsaid sentences. You know the kind that knew just how much air I could take in per minute and serenaded me to sleep every night.

The couples in those books hardly fight or disagree and when they do, it is always so cute, they don’t spit fire during their arguments and they get back together being stronger than they were before the fight.

Any one that follows my posts know just how much I berate the miseducation contained in all these works of fiction that has become some people’s standards. The anger isn’t directed at the writers for lack of creativity but more from selling unachievable dreams (no one should be blamed for that though).

People fall in love but everyday wouldn’t always feel like there is an extra spring under your feet and your partner wouldn’t always be the charming person you sat across on your first date. You would discover that there are certain things they might do that might set you off and also that they have flaws you have to look past. Situations may arise which may cause conflicts and you will be faced with finding the right ways to resolve it.
These differences wouldn’t naturally be resolved without some form of argument because as humans, we tend to resist opinions that are different from ours. These arguments however don’t have to spell doom.  The Yoruba say it isn’t possible for friends of many years not to have disagreements. This statement resonates with married couples and those in long term relationships. Disagreeing on issues doesn’t mean you hate yourselves or that you are tired of your relationship. 
On the contrary, it helps to strengthen the relationship by helping us to better understand our chosen partners.
There is the need to be sensitive about our spouses’ feelings when resolving issues. We ought to understand that the end isn’t about who wins but about moving forward in love.
When you disagree on issues , there are ways to approach and resolve the issues. Below is a list of things that you shouldn't while in disagreement with your spouse.

  • Do not nag: many times we assume that we are communicating by constantly complaining about a habit or thing that we don’t feel good about in our significant other. We sometimes mean no harm as this might be as a result of bottled up frustration but we would discover that it doesn’t resolve anything too. As adults, we don’t like being talked down to or being constantly harassed. Find other means of getting through to your partner without causing aches in their ears. If you keep nagging, they might feel the need to escape from you creating a gap rather than a resolution.
  • Do not make arguments about scoring points: this can be very tempting but don’t drag your relationship through this very dangerous path. You are a team and you must remain committed to the overall happiness of the team. It isn’t ever about who is behaving or performing better, it ought to always be about the team and how you can both move forward. 

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Important Tips On Staying Married

Some things happen that make us question what we thought we knew. Good people derail and a seemingly great marriage ends. We are riddled with lots of questions we fight hard to understand. Could it be this or that, we wonder. Could it have been fixed? Is there hope for the new ones yet to tie the knot? How does one know what works and what doesn’t?

One thing is sure though, we all are not the same and the same solutions won’t work for us all, however there are areas where we are similar.  Having chatted with a number of people, I have discovered that some cases of irreconcilable differences stem from an accumulation of little things that have built up over the course of time. We fail to address these supposed little things and they then become escalated jostling us out of our assumption that everything was right.

We should always bear in mind that marriage is between two people and at no time should we assume that the other person’s opinion doesn’t matter. Like the times you thought your spouse ought to understand that you are trying to build a life for the family on your long trips outside the country and unending meetings when you are in town or when you never acknowledged that your lack of intimacy for a long period of time was a serious cause for concern. How about the times you felt taken for granted and assumed your wife/husband ought to know or the times when your spouse complained of being unappreciated and you thought she/he ought to understand that wasn’t true.

Even the best among us can be guilty of this dangerous slope of assumption that can become cancerous in our marriages. Intentions can be misinterpreted. Much as we feel connected to our spouses in special ways, we seem to forget that they are humans and may not be able to tell what goes on in our minds. Communicating right and taking inventory to see how far or well things are going in our marriages and relationships never hurts anyone.

Regret is never a good thing. Those ahead of us make mistakes for us to see and make needed amendments. If your spouse keeps complaining about a particular thing, you should listen and try to find ways around it. Carry your significant other along when taking important decisions and be sure to reassure them in words and deeds that you appreciate them being in your life. Don’t be so rigid in your ways; marriage thrives on sacrifice and great communication. Don't ignore the little things. Don’t get caught wondering what could have been if you had acted differently.

Marriage is so special let us not reduce it to nothing because of our misplaced priorities, insensitivity and egos. Above all , never stop praying for God’s wisdom to guide you as you go through each day

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Did Your Spouse Cheat On You? Five Vital Things That Will Aid Your Recovery

Many times marriages show cracks that might have been as a result of foundational issues, and just like buildings they don’t necessarily have to collapse if proper attention and care is given to them. 

Marriages thrive on many things with trust being on the top of the list. Marriage entails that the parties involved bare everything to each other with the belief that they are a team, so when one of the parties derails from the vow, it can have dire consequences.

One major way a marriage may suffer a crack is through infidelity. The trust gets marred and it is always so hard to go back to where the relationship was. If the hurt is fuelled and the anger and distrust is not attended to, it may lead to the end of the marriage. Some people are of the opinion that infidelity is so unpardonable and should be the end while others preach forgiveness but even that is easier on paper than in action.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Can The Honeymoon Phase Be Sustained?
I love visiting family parks. The lovely carpeted grasses with big shady trees do a lot to my spirit therapeutically. It is one of the few places where I find the kind of balance I seek; a safe place for my children to play and a serene place to get lost in my thoughts. 

It provides a sharp contrast to the madness on the outside; cars honking and drivers hurling insults at one another. It is where I remember there are birds because their music fills the air as the leaves sway beautifully in the direction of the wind.

You didn’t think I was making a post advocating for the development of more parks, or were you? Well, I just got carried away for a moment.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Trust In Relationships - Will You Share Your Passwords With Your Spouse?

Many of us have become so dependent on our smart phones that we can’t seem to function outside it. With all sorts of apps being developed, the reliance on the phones to get us through each day is quite understandable. 

A nightmare can sometimes be in the guise of misplacing one’s phone seeing as it contains so much personal data ranging from bank passwords to social media pages, which explains why we take care of these devices, making sure they are secured with passwords and that they don’t fall into the wrong hands.

Interestingly, this development has also rubbed off on a lot of relationships, strengthening some with its power of securing communication no matter the distance, and breaking some as a result of the vices that can be perpetrated through it.
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