Monday, August 23, 2010

Part 2 - Christians, God never intended sexual intimacy for procreation alone

Click here for Part 1

4. Sex arousal and satisfaction is expressed differently in the different sexes. True. Sexual arousal for males can be compared to light switches; easy to turn on and off. Males tend to be aroused by visual stimuli such as viewing naked or near naked female erotic body parts. On the other hand, women are like pressing irons; it takes time for them to become hot and to cool down.

They tend to be aroused by tactile and emotional stimuli such as touching them, saying or doing things to them in an emotionally pleasing way. Satisfaction also tends to be expressed differently. While females tend to want to get more intimate and connect with their mates, the men tend to fall asleep. Understanding and discussing these differences can help to manage the responses by both parties’ expectations. Men and women should be able to work together to ensure that Sex is enjoyable.

The husband should invest in this act as he can experience the thrill of conquest whenever he makes love to his wife; she can glory in his pursuit and he can savour her melting response. Both husband and wife should avoid dull routines in their sex play. They should practice variety- variations in time or setting, variations in love play, variations in frequency, e.t.c. Afterall, variety is the spice of (life) lovemaking. After the climax, when both have been satisfied, husbands should not just roll over and sleep. They should remain close, cuddle and relax together, perhaps talk.

5. Most people believe that men have a greater desire for sex than women. True. After years of research, it’s now known that most women experience a more receptive type of sexual desire compared to most men who have a more insertive type of sexual desire. What this means is that while men will tend to think of sex more and actively seek it, women will tend to become aroused during sexual excitement (not before). Please note that based on the different desires, women should not use sex as a manipulative tool as it would destroy the sexual intimacy in the marriage. It has been heard that some women have timetables for their husbands as to when lovemaking will be allowed. This should not be practiced. Another side to the fact above is that some women think they cannot cope with their husbands’ sex frequency. The frequency for lovemaking should be discussed and with more understanding, both parties can agree on the number of times.

6. Everything is permissible on the marriage bed. Now I will refer to Myles Munroe and here is what he says concerning this issue. (By the way, I do agree with his submission). Amidst the multiplicity of ideas and attitudes about sexual activity that exists in the world, many married couples today, especially believers, are confused to some extent as to what does and does not constitute appropriate sexual behaviour for husbands and wives - oral sex, masturbation, anal sex, group sex, sado-masochism.

What is moral, right, and proper, and what is not? He goes on to say that God invented Sex and established the guidelines, parameters, and limits under which it can be morally exercised. One fundamental principle of creation is the ‘fitness’ principle. God created everything to ‘fit’ properly. The male and female sexual organs were designed to ‘fit’ and ideally suited for their mutual function. Any activity that goes beyond the bounds of design function violates the ‘fitness’ principle and amounts to perversion.

There are also certain types of behaviour that are always inappropriate. Inappropriate sexual behaviour would include anything that is deliberately physically painful, harmful, or unhealthy, as well as any sexual act that one partner forces on the other, particularly if the second partner feels uncomfortable with it. Another test can be ‘Does it edify?’ Evaluate the rightness or wrongness of actions or behaviours. The question is not what we can get away with, but what is healthy and edifying. Whatever we can do and be edified afterwards is lawful and appropriate. If it does not edify, it is inappropriate.

In conclusion, God is the author of Sex and He designed it to be enjoyable.


  1. No holds barred. Thank you!

  2. Thank you very much for this post.

    i ran into an old school mate recently and she informed that she is about to leave her husband of 5 years because he has been subjecting her to anal sex AGAINST HER WILL.

    She said that whenever she does anything wrong, that's the punishment she gets!!

    she tried to discuss with him and he intensified it.

  3. Hi Anonymous,
    Would it be right to assume that the couple, in question, are not christians? If they are christians, they should be able to discuss and pray about it. However, if it is a form of punishment, she should refuse because this is not lovemaking anymore. If this is rape, this is a serious matter and should not be condoned. I don't think that this is right.

  4. @ANONYMOUS- in my opinion, ur friend should find a way to resolve that issue or WALK AWAY! eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww! as a (married)woman, i can't imagine the pain and humiliation she feels with each episode.
    @EBUFRA- thanks for such a frank and open discussion on sex in marriage, i am always interested in improving my sex life with my husband. and permit me to say that the stereotypes arent always conventional- i generally prefer a little more frequency than he does and it works for us... cos we let it...


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