Your Reputation Is Important!

Disclaimer: This post is not an attack on those who are into the popular 'yahoo yahoo' business, nor is it an attack on those who enjoy riding the wave that comes with the business.

I published a post on my blog yesterday where I stated outrightly that I can't date, not to mention marry a man that earns a living through illegal means.  Today, I was having a chat with one of my long time buddies and we sort of gravitated towards the topic of dating men that earn a living through illegal means. Now in Nigeria, we know some of them as yahoo boys ( those that commit cyber crimes), there are drug dealers and also those that don't need the internet to scam people, they give you the one-on-one 'consultancy'. My buddy said something that had me rolling on the floor with laughter. She said "dating a guy that's into illegal business is just like dating a robber. What kind of father would he be to your kids?  After my fit of laughter, she got me thinking.... 'what kind of effect will such a relationship have on a your reputation? What effect does it have on the reputation of those that are directly involved in these deals?

I know of women that have been arrested while spending the night with a boyfriend that is knee-deep in illegal deals. Some have been arrested while innocently withdrawing cash at the ATM. Innocent or not, a criminal record is a huge stain on your reputation.
These days, I feel many of us make decisions like we don't have a future to look forward to. Granted,  we don't know what the future holds but isn't that the reason you should protect your future? One of the ways you can protect your future is to protect your reputation by making decisions that won't earn you a criminal record.  In future, you may want to run for senate, presidency or even be married to a president, become a pastor... whatever. How will you explain the taint in your reputation that might cost you your dreams and some of the biggest opportunities of your life?  These days, employers go through the trouble of doing a background check on potential employees. Why woukd you trade in so much for a few months or perhaps years of careless spending?

If a man can't earn a living through legal means, believe he won't be able to sustain his lifestyle forever.  One day, he'll decide he's had enough of that lifestyle but by then, his reputation is in the gutter, and so is yours. I know these days, many men and even women have their reasons for doing shady deals. I make it a point not to judge people because I haven't walked in their shoes but I also make it a point not to join them in anything I feel may taint my precious future which I'm still unwrapping. Don't live your life carelessly like you won't have to answer for your actions later.  There will be situations that will call you out on the decisions you made as a youngster. Don't ever forget your reputation might mean everything in such situations.  XOXO. 

Should My Pastor Have a Say in Who I marry?

Choosing a partner is one of the biggest risks most of us will take. Many times, people are unsure of the person they intend to exchange vows with, and sadly, given some christian views on dating,  many people don't get to really know who their partner is until they are bound as man and wife.

I can understand the desire for divine guidance when choosing a partner;  that is one area of life where no one, no matter how ditzy, wants to make a mistake. I can't help but wonder though.... does this mean your pastor has a say in who you will spend the rest of your life with? 

These days, many young ladies and men seem to put their fate in the hands of their pastor. It is not about what they feel,  it's about what the pastor says. I read about women who claim to have found the man who has everything they've ever wished for, but because their pastor said otherwise,  they decided to abort the relationship and wait upon the Lord. My question is always "waiting upon  the Lord for what exactly?  He gave you what you needed and you threw it away!" Where is the place of love, understanding,  affection, spirituality and other factors that make a marriage successful if you think all that matters is your pastor's opinion? 

Don't get me wrong;  I'm not saying it is wrong to ask for guidance or advice from your pastor but don't make your pastor's opinion the law by which you handle your relationship. Personally, I think young people these days are too lazy to pray for themselves so they can be led by God. They'd rather rely on their pastor's dream or vision. I hear of young women with perfect partners going to ask pastors and prophets if the man they are with is the right man. Many of whom were given negative responses stayed single until their hairs started to turn grey while some of those that were given the go-ahead are stuck in abusive marriages and can't leave for fear of walking out of 'God's will'.  Really people? Wake up!!! No one should tell you who to marry! If a guy or lady is God's will for you, you will have the confirmation yourself in prayer and the conviction will be strong in your heart. All you need to do is CONNECT WITH GOD YOURSELF. Stop waiting for a dream from a prophet or an idea from your pastor about who's best for you. You're the one that has to live with that person FOREVER. Imagine if you were to go on an unending road trip with only one partner..  wouldn't you want to have a say in who that partner is?

Young ladies and men, learn to pray. Even as singles, pray for your future partner.  Be armed with God's word and speak with Him daily. We are all God's children, so believe God doesn't want any harm to come to any of us. His plan for you cannot be a man that will beat you to a pulp or a man you have no emotional or intellectual connection with. God knows you inside and out, so he knows exactly what you like.  Stop trading God's plan for man's ideas. The only people that should have a say in who you marry are God,  God and God. You can tell him what you'd like in your partner and trust him to mix the perfect cocktail of attributes for you.

Stay blessed xoxo