Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Role of the Husband

This article is to remind husbands of their roles and to advise the ‘wanna-be’ husbands of what is in store for them. If you are a man, please read and take note. If you are a woman, send the article to your husband or fiancĂ©.
With the proliferation of wrong stereotypes by Hollywood; what with ‘reality’programmes like “House-husbands”, sitcoms like “The Simpsons”, “My Family”, that portray the husband as slow and dimwitted; Tim Gunn’s “Tim Gunn’s Guide to style  and the fashion show “Queer Eye for the straight Guy” that encourage men to get in touch with their feminine side (whatever that means) ; the average man on the street has no clue as to roles and responsibilities of the husband demanded by God in marriage.

What does the Bible say about husbands? Ephesians 5:21-33
From the very beginning, God designed someone to be in charge, and someone to help. Someone to be, as it were, "in authority," and someone to be "in submission." Someone to be the leader and someone to be the follower. Someone to provide and someone to be provided for. The man has the role of the headship, and the woman has the role of the one for whom that headship is to be provided. The man is the one who protects, provides, preserves, and cares for the woman who is "a fitting," or "suitable helper" for him.

The Husband is the leader. "But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. " 1 Cor 11:3. The husband is to oversee everything that happens in the house – spiritual and physical. The husband should not only cater for the physical needs and leave the spiritual matters to the wife. The wife should not be one to initiate prayers in the family. The Husband should provide the spiritual cover over his family and the spiritual direction for the family. The great English war hero, Field Marshal Montgomery said these profound words to his young troops, "Gentlemen, don't even think about marriage until you have mastered the art of warfare." Life is a battle and the family needs a relevant, prayerful husband and father. The Husband should also know that in leadership, respect is not taken but earned. Yes, the bible says that the wife should be submissive to the husband, but it also says clearly that Christ died for the church when we knew Him not. Christ, the leader, died for his followers, the church. The Husband must love the wife unconditionally for the wife to submit. Being the head does not mean master as in a master-slave relationship, nor does it mean a relationship like a general to a private in the army. It is more like a partnership where one is the leader, guide and director.

Use this guide to evaluate your leadership in the home (culled from The Maxwell Leadership Bible – John C. Mawxell)
a)      Initiative: Do I give direction and take responsibility for my primary relationships?
b)      Intimacy: Do I experience intimacy with God and others through open conversation?
c)       Influence: Do I exercise biblical influence by encouraging and developing others?
d)      Integrity: Do I lead an honest life, unashamed of who I am when no one is looking?
e)      Identity: Am I secure in who I am in Christ? Or am I defensive?
f)       Inner Character: Do I exhibit the fruit of the spirit in my life, including self discipline?

The husband is the Provider.  God expects the husband to work and provide for his family. He is responsible for the food, shelter, clothing and education. He must also see to it that his children learn how to work so that they can make a living for themselves. The Bible states, in 1 Timothy 5:8,  "But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. " Marriage is a financial venture and the husband has a responsibility to finance, support and provide for his family. This is talking about money. As a husband, your earnings are not your own but belong to your wife as well as your children. Even if your wife earns more than you, the primary role for provision is still with you, the husband. She can help since she is your helpmate but it is your job.
The husband should also provide for the spiritual needs of the family. Every day he should confess the right words concerning his family.

The Godly husband prays for/with his wife regularly. He does not allow corrupt communication to proceed out of his mouth towards his wife, but only that which is good for edifying so that his words minister grace to her. He only speaks words that encourage her in her walk of faith. He gives his wife the honour, respect, goodwill and kindness that is due her.

The husband (father) participates in raising the children in the family. Proverbs 17:25 states that “A foolish son brings grief to his family and bitter regrets to his mother.” While Proverbs 15:20 states that “a wise son makes his father happy.” The difference between a foolish son and a wise son is often the difference in the teaching the fathers have given their sons. The Father is attentive to the needs of the children; in attending tea parties at their schools, playing with them as often as he can. He teaches them about God and good character. He impresses the word of God diligently in the hearts and minds of his children. He does not provoke his children to anger but rears them tenderly in the training, discipline, counsel and admonition of the Lord.

In conclusion, I will like to share with you “The Ten Commandments for husbands” (culled from

Ten Commandments for husbands
1)      Thou shalt not take thy wife for granted, but will honour and respect her as thy equal. (1 Pet 3:7)
2)      Thy highest allegiance, except God, shall be to thy wife, not thy relatives or friends. (Gen 2:24)
3)      Thou shalt frequently tell thy wife how important & valuable she is to thee. (Phil 2:3; Prov 31:10-11)
4)      Thou shalt hold thy wife's love by the same means that thou won it. (Sos 5:10-16)
5)      Thou shalt actively establish family discipline with thy wife's help. (Eph 6:4)
6)      Remember to do all the little things for thy wife when you say you will. (Mt 5:37)
7)      Keep thine eyes on thy own wife, not thy neighbor’s. (Prov 5:15-20; Job 31:1; Jer 5:8)
8)      Thou shalt make every effort to see things from thy wife's point of view. (Gen 21:12)
9)      Thou shalt not fail to kiss thy wife every morning. (Sos 8:1)
10)   Thou shalt not be stingy with thy wife when it comes to money (Esther 5:3)

Shalom. Next blog will be on ‘The role of the wife’


  1. This is deep. Informative. Lovely. For some reason, reading it made me feel mushy, nostalgic,hopeful and expectant all at the same time. Can't wait to read the next post...

    Thank you Ebufra, God bless you!

  2. Nice stuff. But I look forward to your blog on sex b4 marriage. As I reckon the urge can best be controlled by the men cos you rarely hear of men being forced to the act.

  3. As usual well said, informative et al.
    @Anonymous:No one 'forces anyone to the act' as you so put it. It's something that both parties involved chose to do, because at every stage they could have CHOSEN to STOP. I dunno your gender but I'm not sure you're accurate about the control thing...although men can and to control the sexual urge. It's not something they MUST do, unlike it's been touted in the secular media as almost being as essential as breathing!!!

  4. Excellently argued and tastefully presented. I couldn't have guessed whether the writer was a guy or not because the position you take is so balanced.
    I hadn't seen your blog until today and now i have just bookmarked it!

  5. well said oga ebufra, looking forward to the next post. keep up the good work

  6. Fantastic write-up Francis!!! So many people have written so many things about the ideal marriage relationships. So so many - like manuals, sort of - but in how many homes are the 'practicals' taking place? Husbands/wives do read and know the truth, but most of the time, dont just practice the truth that they know thereby resulting in chaotic family situations across the globe. God will help families!!!

  7. Good article and well presented. I wish Nigeria when can learn from this.


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