Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Role of the wife

I had to enlist the help of my wife in writing this piece. So everything written here has been vetted by my wife.
I praise my wife. Indeed I do. The modern times has not made it easy for the wife as she has been ‘dragged’ into helping in the provision of the family. It is now a battle between the home and the office. The modern woman spends between 8 – 12 hours out of a possible 16 hours in a day in the office. Some believe they get more relevance in the office compared to the home. She asks, “Why can’t I go out to work? Why can’t I go to the marketplace to compete? What a man can do, a woman can do better. Compared to the office, the role of the wife and mother at home may be seen as a diminishing role. But to some people, the role of building and taking care of the home is definitely NOT a diminishing role. It is a full time job. In many ways, it is just as complex as the marketplace. There’s the family’s nutrition, home decoration, kids handling and budgeting to juggle.

But what does the Bible say about the role of the wife and mother?

Proverbs 31:10-31 is often cited as the epitome of a wonderful wife and mother. This is one passage that makes every husband very happy and you would often see him reciting this to his wife .
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.  She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.  She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.  Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”

This shows that the wife is a strong woman who assists her husband in providing for the house and cares for her home. In spite of the above attributes, the strong Christian wife still submits to her husband. (Read Ephesians 5:21-33) She knows that a husband’s interpretation of love is usually encapsulated in the word called R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

The relationship structure of Jesus Christ to God the Father is the same one presented to us in marriage. Though the husband and wife are equal in their standing before God, in order for the family to function in harmony, the woman, with no loss of dignity, takes the place of submission to the headship of her husband.  God's divine design intends that the wife's respect, help and obedience would be matched by her husband's servant leadership as they submit together to the lordship of Jesus Christ and to each other.  The husband will not always command your respect. He may not inspire you as you would like him to. You might even disagree with him at times. But you do recognize that his authority comes from God. So it would help to do things as much as you do it "for the Lord."

In conclusion, I will like to share with you “The Ten Commandments for wives” (culled from

Ten Commandments for wives
1.       Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee after many years of hard labor. (Phil 4:11; Amos 4:1)
2.       Thou shalt work hard to build thy house with the husband that you have, not fantasizing about "the one that could have been". (Prov 14:1)
3.       Thou shalt not nag...hit him with thine frying pan, it is kindlier. (Prov 27:15; 21:19)
4.       Thou shalt coddle thy husband and be a warm wife. (1 Cor 7:3-5)
5.       Remember that the frank approval of thy husband is more to thee than the side glances of many strangers. (Ezek 16:32; 2 Pet 2:14)
6.       Thou shalt not yell at thy husband but will be a gentle and quiet spirit. (1 Pet 3:1-4)
7.       Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it. (1 Pet 5:9)
8.       Thou shall not fail to dress up for thy husband with an eye to please him, as thou didst before marriage. (Sos 4:9-11)
9.       Thou shalt submit to thy husband from thy heart and allow him to be head of the household. (Col 3:18; 1 Pet 3:6; Eph 5:33)
10.   Thou shalt assure thy husband and others that he is the greatest man alive. (Phil 2:3; Sos 5:9-16)


Francis Ebuehi


  1. ebufra- you should have allowed ur wife write the article. with all due respect, i didn't 'feel' u this time, which is quite odd!
    or is it me...?

  2. what happens when you dress up for him and he doesn't notice ...only to get to work and others do? even left the house in a hurry one day with hair not brushed to ensure kid got to school on time and he didnt even notice...after walking down the road together for 10minutes ...odd...i didnt care then anyway... i later put on my hat before gettng to the school gate once i remembered...bottom feels like he doesnt really see me alot of times...he looks at me straight in the eye but doesnt see me...sad...


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