Monday, December 14, 2015

On the Issue of the Absent Partner

I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I will get surprised by people's actions and their attitude to relationships even though there isn't exactly anything new under the sun. It surprises me that so many people take some things in stride and are determined to go with the flow of oddities, one of which happens to be the issue of an absent partner. 


Let me paint a picture in your mind really quickly: Boy meets girl and there's a spark. Boy smiles, girl smiles back. Boy reckons girl is into him, and asks girl out on a date. Girl agrees and it turns out the spark between them could light a fire. After a few dates, boy and girl start dating officially, and everything seems fine, until boy or girl decides putting so much effort into a beautiful relationship is a waste of time. Boy or girl decides to prioritize work, the gym, afternoon naps, and weekends in solitary over the relationship while the other person is left to wonder what on earth is going on. 

If you are in a situation where your partner would rather spend time alone than with you on almost every occasion, then I have just one piece of friendly advice for you - L.E.A.V.E. 

I have watched a few people in this situation obsessing over what they possibly did wrong and attempting to fix things they did not break. An absent partner who goes AWOL for no reason in particular and only sends the occasional reassuring messages to let you know you're still in a relationship is no partner at all. This does not apply to partners who are genuinely busy, but to partners who simply do not value your presence in their lives. You'll know if a person values you by the time and energy they spend on you. If there's no time or energy investment, I would like to advice you to cut your losses and move on. It will not change once you get married. It will not get better once you start living together. If you are currently with a partner who would rather spend time alone than hang out with you, then you're signing up to be ignored a lot should you ever get married. Save yourself the emotional strain and psychological torture. 

Relationships cannot be truly built if two people don't spend quality time together. In fact, I believe quality time should be a standard love language. If your partner treats you like a piece of furniture that only gets attention when the house is being cleaned, then you have no business being in that relationship. Don't fool yourself into thinking you need to adjust yourself to meet his or her needs, or fit yourself into a seemingly empty schedule. Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated. This will save you a lot of future heartache. XOXO


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