Thursday, February 9, 2017

Five Keys To Resolving Every Marital Conflict

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Marriage usually starts off with this idea of a fairy tale that nothing will ever go wrong. Thank goodness there are so many variations of Cinderella now that how that even prince charming can be a bit annoying, and cinderella can be emotional about the seemingly unimportant things. In other words, no matter how compatible two people are, they will have issues they don't agree on and will have those days when they are so hurt, they don't want to speak to each other. Sadly, for some, that is the end of the relationship - "If we can't agree on everything, why are we together?" Honey, buy a robot. 

However, if you are in a relationship with a normal human being who has the whole nine yards of emotions and values and ideas, here are five tips that will help you get through every squabble. 

#1 Understand that you married a human being, not a clone of yourself: Many people go into marriage with the idea that their partners must see the world the exact same way that they do. This preset mindset is the platform for irreconcilable differences. Your partner will not always agree with you, even on things that are seemingly black and white. That your partner's ideas or arguments differ from yours does not mean your partner is against you.

#2 Be willing to listen: Listening is a skill that you must learn if you want to have a successful marriage. You might be the most intelligent person ever; you might even have the perfect understanding of how things ought to be, but well guess what? Your partner does too and it probably differs from yours. Learn to listen and marry both your ideas.

#3 Learn to apologise and accept apologies: For some people, apologising means giving their spouse leverage. I will never ever understand that for sure. It is a relationship with a teammate, not a power tussle with the new guy from work. Apologise and learn to accept apologies too. Don't let the resentment build up. Accept the apology and keep it moving. Resentment will keep you stuck even after your partner has moved on from the issue.

#4 Be honest about how you feel: The reason so many marriages break down and stories suddenly start surfacing from people who were apparently happy during the marriage is a lack of transparency. If you want the root of your issues to be resolved, be 100% honest about how a situation makes you feel. Communicate clearly if you are angry, hurt, shocked, humiliated or a combination of everything. And be willing to talk about it. If you partner is communicating how they feel, it is not the time to start enforcing why you are right. Listen, make changes if necessary and move on.

#5 Be determined to make it work: The worst way to resolve conflict is to start throwing threats around. Threats such as "I think we should just end things if you cannot listen to me" or "I think we need a break" might scare your partner into becoming your clone at first, but it won't last. Sonner or later, he or she will call your bluff and you will be living with your ego intact, but your heart shattered.


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