What if I don't like my spouse's friend, What do I do?

Some people think once you are married, you need to do away with all your friends. Some spouses frown at the fact that their partners still want to keep their old friends especially the single ones even after marriage.

I remember in one of my pre-marital counselling classes, a lady said that she did not approve of some of her fiancé's  friends. She expected that her fiancé would stop hanging out with such friends immediately they got married. The fiancé in question didn't understand why his fiancee didn't like his friends when she didn't spend time getting to know them.

I personally think that both parties in a marriage should understand that each had friends before they hooked up. And it is not always easy to ditch childhood friends. However each should consider the other party's reasons for not liking their friends.

Does your physical appearance matter in marriage?

Have you noticed that that most people’s appearance changes after marriage? Usually, the guy is the first to change - an extra padding of fat everywhere, he looks more beefed up and then for some, the ‘beer’ belly (eeeewww). Thankfully, not all of them get that far, though some think it’s a sign of good living. Indeed !?

As for the ladies, it’s usually just a nice healthy ‘love’ glow which progresses to a pregnancy glow (hopefully) and then pregnancy weight gain and then boom! They explode. For some, it takes more than one episode of childbirth to do that but it eventually happens. Then the lady does everything she can to get her pre-baby, hot-bod back. Some try and give up quickly - too much work. Some never even bother do. A minority get it back quickly (lucky them)

And then, there are some people who have no issues with weight gain at all. They look nice and trim all the days of their lives. We are happy for them (notice the envious tone)

Correcting your Spouse

“Last summer, my husband and I were leaving that morning for the beach to a few days vacation when the car suddenly stopped and my husband, being the handy man, jump-started the vehicle and got it going. I thanked him and asked him respectfully with a smile, "We have time to go by the store and buy another one" but he said, “No, I think we will be fine.” (A few years ago, I would have insisted that we get another battery). Well, I decided to respect his decision as the head of the family and said politely “ok”, whatever you think! 

We stopped on the way to get more foodstuff and my husband parked the car. When he tried to crank up later, the battery was dead. A few years ago I am sure I would have berated him with an “I told you to replace that battery” lecture and a lot of attitude. But I have learned to respect my husband, so I didn’t say anything nasty, I was totally calm and at peace”…..

Culled from “tolovehonorandvacuum.com”

Have you ever hated the way your spouse corrects your mistake? Believe me, it is not always fair. As a couple, one of your roles is to correct your spouse’s bad behavior. How do you correct your wife’s mistakes like burnt or salty food, leaving the house untidy, etc? On the other hand, how do you correct your husband for over speeding, keeping late nights, drinking, forgetting your birthday or wedding anniversary, etc?

Fidelity - What does it mean to you?

Matthew 19:5 …, 'for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh '

Fidelity. What does that word really mean? Why is it so important in marriage? Why is it hardly used nowadays?

Just Google it and you’ll find it’s a word more widely used in financial circles than it is in relationships. Yet, the Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines it as:

- The quality of being faithful to your husband, wife, or sexual partner
- The quality of being faithful or loyal to a country, organization, etc.
- The degree to which something matches or copies something else

The first use has always been with regard to the marriage relationship. With the world becoming increasingly secular, it then included sexual partners. It is of Latin origin and it connotes such synonyms including faithfulness and trust.

What Time Is It?

First of all, I must say I have missed you all so very much. A big thank you to the few who wrote to ask where I had been. For those who didn't notice, I've been laying low on CR for the past few weeks and I must say it only made me cherish what I am able to do here -share my musings with you guys. Many conversations I had (or overheard) made me think "Oh, we've addressed that on CR" or "We should address that on CR." God has used this platform in such a special way, so please share with as many friends as you are led to .

Anyway, back to the matter at hand, there was one conversation that really got me thinking. I recently asked a certain woman who owns a small shop near my house, to tell me the time. I wanted to know exactly how long it had taken me to get home that day (without having to mentally approximate the the time spent in her shop and subtract that). There was nothing to suggest she would be unable to do so, since she was wearing a wristwatch and if that wasn't working perhaps her phone would be on, unlike mine. 

No matter what, I'd still prefer a couple sleeping on the same bed rather than separate beds

Picture from: Sleepworks.com

In the premarital counseling classes that I hold in my church, I do advocate and promote that couples sleep on the same bed rather than separate beds.

Now mind you, they are many reasons that married couples offer for keeping separate beds or even separate rooms. Some of them are listed below:

• The wife should be in a separate bed in a separate room to take care of the sucking child so that the head of the house is not disturbed; 
• The bed is too small for two of us;
• I like to have some space for myself where I can be by myself;
• I can't sleep in the same room because my husband snores;
• The Temperature of the room. One partner loves to sleep with the air-conditioner on while the other does not;
• Tossing and turning of one partner;
• The firmness of the bed;
• Different times for going to bed;
• And many more....

There is more to a relationship than you think

Someone told me that he knows his relationship will lead to marriage because he loves his partner but I told him that is not the only determinant of marriage. There are certain things to consider before going into a relationship and the first thing is to seek God’s direction. God says, “we should commit our ways into his hands and he will take absolute control”.

There are certain tips to consider before saying ‘yes’ to a relationship because relationships can go a long way, leading to marriage. A common saying that “a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage” but I tell you that a broken relationship sometimes lead to a broken marriage as a result of numerous heart breaks. You need to ask yourself the following questions before going into a relationship:

• Am I ready to accept this person as my spouse?
• Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him?
• Are we compatible?
• Is he/she a person who can keep to one woman/man?
• Do I want our children to take after my spouse?
• Is he/she someone I can introduce to my pastor, parents and even friends?