Tuesday, October 22, 2013

What if I don't like my spouse's friend, What do I do?

Some people think once you are married, you need to do away with all your friends. Some spouses frown at the fact that their partners still want to keep their old friends especially the single ones even after marriage.

I remember in one of my pre-marital counselling classes, a lady said that she did not approve of some of her fiancé's  friends. She expected that her fiancé would stop hanging out with such friends immediately they got married. The fiancé in question didn't understand why his fiancee didn't like his friends when she didn't spend time getting to know them.

I personally think that both parties in a marriage should understand that each had friends before they hooked up. And it is not always easy to ditch childhood friends. However each should consider the other party's reasons for not liking their friends.

You might find it interesting to note that your wife does not like a particular friend of yours because you hang out with him too much and that it reduces the amount of time that she gets to spend with you.

Or she may think that a particular friend does not have the same values and wonders what you have in common with him.

I would suggest that you as a woman should tell your husband the reasons you don't like some of his friends and both of you  should reasonably work out a solution or a compromise. Try and find out exactly what is missing for you and then ask for change in the relationship, as opposed to asking him to give up his friends.

On the other hand, you might try making friends with your husband's friends. You might find out that they are not that bad.

As for single friends of the opposite sex, I will tell most men that their wives might see their husband's friends of the opposite sex as threats to their marriages. So husbands, reduce the time spent with these friends and pull away gently without making them feel it is a sin to be single.

I will like to hear your thoughts about this topic. Please share.

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