When Life Hits Hard...

There are times in life when it seems like nothing is going the way we want. We work hard, do the right things and try our best to avoid associating with the wrong people. In spite of our efforts, it seems people who couldn't care less about hardwork get all the perks, they get the good things in life and we are left to wonder what the real formula for a successful life is.

It's easy to sink into depression when things aren't going well for us. We tend to avoid hanging out with people, we over-eat, we find conversations with people laborious and sometimes we find ourselves crying for no reason. I know because I've been there and for months, I didn't know how to get out.

 

My bible is right by my bed side, but on those days it was the last book I felt like reading. It took a lot of courage to get out of that place, it took a lot of prayers and simply rebuilding my faith like I was building a house all over from scratch. It took speaking to friends and family, and simply laying my burdens on God. Truth be told, I still find myself returning to that place sometimes, but now I'm armed with God's promises.

Understanding God's Ways

It is mind boggling sometimes when we make plans and pray for our plans to fall through and it seems God can’t hear us. When everything looks like they are falling in place and all of a sudden our plans come crumbling down. All the time and energy expended seem to have all gotten wasted.

I have found myself saying let God’s will be done many times without being sure if I really can take it if my prayers are not answered in my set myopic direction. Before asking for God’s help, the majority of us are guilty of having thought out plans we need the Lord to follow as guidelines.

More puzzling and equally pleasurable is the way God laughs in the face of our plans. It is His way of reminding us who is in charge of our lives.

My close friend was at crossroads and couldn’t decide what exactly she wanted to make the much desired progress in her career. She finally decided to pursue her Masters’ Program, so she invested money and time in search of a reputable University outside the country. She finally found a good one and was set when her dad suddenly pulled the stool from beneath her by saying he wasn’t financially buoyant at the time.

You Were Created for a Purpose

The book of Esther is one if my favourite books in the Bible. I read it each time with so much delight, you'd think it's my first time. What has always fascinated me about Esther's story is how everything seemed to work in her favour. She went to the harem alongside hundreds of other women, who I believe were just as beautiful, but for some reason, the head of the harem liked Esther and favoured her.

Like the other women, she went in to the king and he favoured her. She became queen in a foreign land! When Haman started with his plot to destroy the Jews, Esther was in the palace, blissfully unaware of the impending doom that was due to befall her people. She was safe in the palace and would probably not have suffered the same fate. She was at the peak of success, happy and content, until Mordecai sent her a message saying "Don't think for a moment that you'll be safe if the other Jews are killed" (Esther 4:13). His message spurred Esther to act and well, the rest is history.

Why Unhealthy Relationships Lead to Marriage

Recently, I was having a discussion with a friend about relationships, unhealthy patterns we tend not to notice and of course the hottest relationship topic- divorce. My friend went on to inform me about a friend of ours that's in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage, yet unwilling to get help. I didn't have a reaction to her not wanting to get help; I am aware that many women who are in abusive relationships tend to accept abuse as a way of life. However, the pressing question on my mind was "didn't she see all these signs in him before she got married? Why didn't she jump ship when things would have been less messy? My response to these questions came from pondering over past conversations with friends who were at the time, of marriageable age.

One of the main reasons why unhealthy relationships lead to marriage is because we are beginning to stretch the meaning of consistency and stability. After dating a certain individual for a lengthy period of time, irrespective of how tempestuous that relationship might be, many of us are willing to forge through the storm by getting married. This is rather surprising for me; to know that a person has mistreated you severely, let you down when you needed help the most, and possibly abused you emotionally and physically, yet believe it's best to spend the rest of your life with that person is just a little bit unthinkable for me.

I generally ascertain this trend to an obsession with a certain lifestyle- be it the feeling of being in a relationship, even with the least acceptable individual, or the feeling of virtual stability. By virtual stability, I mean a fake kind of stability projected to the public in spite of the storm raging within. This of course is because many people believe that getting married is the most important part of a relationship. Weddings are beautiful; of course we all want to get married, but the wedding pictures, no matter how perfect they seem will fade into something poisonous and ugly if we have married the wrong person.

Why You Just Can't let Go Of a Bad Relationship

Bad relationships have reverberating consequences on a person's life. They affect an individual's sense of worth, self-esteem, healthy mental development and emotional intelligence. In spite of all these, many people, especially women are unwilling to let go of relationships that hurt them, belittle them, and emotionally rob them of their true sense of self and virtue.

Of course there are always excuses fro holding on, ranging from textbook lines like "I love him and love overlooks all wrongs" to very ridiculous statements like "He probably charmed me withe some love potion because I just can't let go in spite of his misbehaviour".... a friend of mine said that recently for real, and all I could do to keep myself from yelling at her was stare harder at the TV.

Many people are so hungry for love, for some sense of acceptance, and for companionship, that they become blinded even when they being treated badly. Abuse, be it emotional or physical becomes a way of life for them and some of them hold on to the excuse of "We've been together for so long, we have to make it work." I wonder who came up with that. I started to ponder on this... why is it that in spite of hurt, pain, and clear indications of lack of love or respect, people find it hard to let go of bad relationships. I came up with the following plausible explanations

You Think They're Doing You a Favour: This is not necessarily a conscious thought or even one we dare to admit to anyone or ourselves for that matter. However, from my conversations with many people in this boat, I deduced this was the case. Many of the ladies in this situation speak fondly of how they'd never had a plane ride or dreamed of hanging out at a certain restaurant until they met Mr. X who showed them 'le good life'. For them, this is the ultimate dream, to live a lifestyle that they can't afford on their own. Hence, subconsciously, most of these women start to accept ill treatment and belittling behaviour simply because they believe wrongly so that Mr. X is the prize and by being with them, he's simply doing them a favour.

100 DAYS OF THANKSGIVING

My group on BBM is on a 100 days of gratitude challenge. The concept is for members of the group to consciously share a testimony everyday for one hundred days. When we started, I was overwhelmed with a list of the things I wanted and needed to achieve. I nagged unconsciously and I sometimes have to caution myself. I imagine if I were God, I would be mad at my consistent and needless humming.    So, when the suggestion came for us to start this challenge, I was hopeful it could be the kind of therapy I needed.

The first day, I just posted a general almost bland thanksgiving note. I look back now and wonder at my attitude; I must have been so overwhelmed with my needs that I didn't take note of all the good things happening around me. People were however sharing their testimonies and short of leaving my mouth open and sometimes screaming uncontrollably in the office, there was nothing else I didn't do. Those testimonies are simply out of this world. God is working; people are living a life filled and evident of God’s grace.

 I have become better tuned into the spirit in the group and I was surprised how much of mouth gushing testimonies I also had to share. In sharing and reading about other people, I slipped into the consciousness of just how blessed I am and how faithful God has been.

I wake every morning with songs of praise in my mouth. I find it hard to contain myself atimes not because those needs are gone but because I have realized the beauty in knowing I have a guaranteed life in Christ. It is refreshing from the inside out to be able to see all the positive things happening in my favour.

Today, I got to work and met my immediate boss brooding. I encouraged him to share what was on his mind and when he did I discovered he was plagued with the same illness I was plagued with.  I asked just how well he would have fared if he was involved in accident or worse still if he was sacked or if he died.  I explained to him how much goodness we are surrounded with but are to blind to see.

The act of thanksgiving is self cleansing. the light and peace one feels from inside easily transcends to our surroundings and helps to lift the spirit of those around


Today , I noticed just how often I see tiny grains of glass on the road, I know my driving is not the best that there is but i have been saved from all these road dramas. I am deeply thankful to God,the keeper and guardian of my body and soul.


You can come on this beautiful journey too,You'd be suprised how blessed you are when you count your blessings.

What Love Really Is

 I think love is the most misunderstood term on earth. There are so many definitions of love, one can't help but wonder which is right. Many people are aware that love is not just about the butterflies in the tummy that soon die off as you get to know Mr. or Miss Perfect is not all that perfect. However, many people are still unaware of what love itself is! I've heard definitions like "love is a decision", "love is more than just a feeling", "love is an undeniable magnetism between two people"....well, so is lust.

After reading an interesting blog post titled "Love Is Not Enough", I got thinking. The writer of the post highlighted correctly that taking just the way we feel about someone as the determining factor as to whether or not we should be with that person is a recipe for disaster. A fellow blogger posted on his blog that there are other factors that come to play if we want love to be enough; factors such as respect, care etc in addition to the emotions we feel make love enough. Having carefully read the two posts, I came to my own conclusion. Love is an umbrella under which the constituent factors for a successful relationship/marriage are found.

What is the difference between love and lust? They both give you butterflies in your tummy, they both last for as long as you are both willing to make things work and they both make you feel like you are walking on air when things are going well. Some people say "love lasts longer" I don't know about that. I know of pure lustful relationships that have lasted for decades. What then differentiates love from lust? The constituent factors which are not found in a lustful association.