Tuesday, October 21, 2014

5 Steps To Save A Failing Relationship - Part 1

In the hustle and bustle of our modern day lives, we tend to forget that there is more to life than our work or business. We forget that we have families – wives and children that look up to us to play our parts as husbands and fathers.

Sometimes we even forget we have a relationship with our Creator, our God.

Though this article is about saving relationships, it is important to first discuss why relationships fail.

I will also like to define a relationship in this article to be a connection, an association or involvement between two people. Specifically I will like to refer to the relationship in marriage; between husband and wife.

Relationships are built on expectations. When a man gets married to a woman, he expects that the woman will play a certain role in his life. He has expectations about the woman as a wife, a friend, a lover, the mother of his children and many more. The woman also has expectations about the man as a husband, friend, lover and the father of her children. Note that these expectations, whether realistic or unrealistic, has been formed over the years.

It is important that this couple communicates these expectations with one another.

When these expectations are not clearly communicated with one another, there will be problems that will adversely affect the relationship.

For instance, a man who expects his wife not to work after marriage might have a hard time explaining to his wife who has over the years planned how she would rise up the corporate ladder to achieve her own goals. If both parties had clearly communicated their expectations before marriage, they would have known whether this would be deal breaker.

If you find that you are already in a failing relationship, here are a couple of steps I would advise you to take to redeem your marriage.

1. Acknowledge the purpose of marriage. In my role as a premarital counselor, I often see a lot of Christian couples that want to get married but do not have a clue of what marriage is all about. The ever-popular reason for getting married is that they love each other; hence they want to marry. I often get blank stares when I ask, is that all?

I proceed to tell them the purpose of marriage.

a) Mirroring God’s Image. Gen1:26-27
  • This is a critical foundation for understanding God’s design. It means God chose to reveal to us a part of His character and being through our relationships. When a man and a woman come together in a marriage with God at the center of their relationship, they will reflect His image.
  • God chose the marriage relationship to represent/mirror Himself to mankind - to demonstrate His love, forgiveness and long suffering commitment to people.
b) Multiplying a Godly Legacy:
  • Having children is important to God. Gen1:28. Ps 78:5-7 and Ps127:3-5 shows having kids is not only a reward and a blessing to us but also an essential part in God’s plan to pass on His Word to the next generation.
c) Assisting each other to become who HE wants us to be. Gen 2:18-22

a. As you look at your relationship, in what ways are you alike and in what ways are you different. It is your commitment to God - to know Him, grow in your relationship with Him and obey Him - that will enable you to see your spouse as the perfect complement to your life.

In understanding the purpose of your marriage, you now see marriage not just a minor decision based on feelings and emotions but a major spiritual lifetime engagement that is worthy of long time deliberation and investment.

This article continues here.....

This article first appeared in the GemMan magazine...

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