Husbands Are Short In Supply

Image via www.zazzle.com

The journey to self is a journey of many years and a very necessary journey for every human. Not only will one get to a place of self-realization and purpose, one also gets to understand that limitations are almost nonexistent. The beauty of this journey is it has nothing to do with getting older, it is a conscious decision one can come to at any period in one’s life.

Many times we find ourselves trying to measure up against the norms and standards of the society while we lose sight of who we are or who we ought to be. I got into this reflective mood just after seeing a movie,After I Do,  based on the life of three women who suffered different kinds of abuse in the hands of their husbands. They endured physical, verbal and emotional abuse. The thing about abuse is it is not peculiar to women only, there are also men who find themselves in horrible situations in their home but feel helpless in the face of the situation.

It occurred to me as the movie progressed that we are never as helpless as we think we are. One of the women in the movie was scared she would be left with no companion if she left her abusive husband. She  felt her husband was doing her some kind of favors by staying married to her. She was also scared that she will be judged by the society for not enduring one of many ‘marriage’ trials. Her friend shared that she feared that she might end up an old maid if she didn’t agree to her husband’s proposals. She was told ‘husbands are short in supply’. She realized she made the greatest mistake of her life when after her husband infected her with HIV, He excused it ‘as one of those things’. 

Are You Good Enough As a Spouse?

The definition of a good spouse varies; for some, it is all about support in every way possible- financially, spiritually, physically,etc. For some people, a good spouse does his or her half and leaves the rest for grabs. That at least is good enough, and is certainly better than a spouse who contributes nothing to the relationship. Many people like to think they are good enough, and that is where the problems of many relationships stem from. People become so self-absorbed, they believe whatever they bring to the table, even if it is not in line with their partner's needs, is good enough. Hence, there is no attempt on their part to be who their partner nneed. They simply stick to being a generic prototype of what a spouse should be. 

expertbeacon.com

Many relationships are built on a sense of obligation, resulting in the unshakeable feeling that one is simply fulfilling a task. Many men believe they are good enough if they pay the bills, provide for the children, and manage to keep their pants zipped up. For some women, it is about how domesticated they are; as long as they can cook tasty meals, keep the home clean, and take care of the children, they are good enough. There is a sense of obligation that seems to overtake everything else when we start to discuss marriage, and this I believe is one of the many deep-seated reasons relationships crash. 

Firstly, you must understand this: Marriage is not an obligation you must tick off your list every morning. It is not a checklist of what you have managed to achieve, nor is it simply about fulfilling your end of the bargain. It is way deeper than that. Marriage is not just an exchange of vows; it is a commitment to protecting another person's heart and interests with as much strength as you protect yours. It is not about paying the bills or buying the groceries; marriage is about nurturing your partner, and being there when the chips are down. Marriage is not just about keeping up appearances or fulfilling societal expectations; marriage is about being there at your partner's ugliest moments, yet lettingh him/her know that you will never leave, never stop loving, and never fail to see the beauty in them everyday. 

Many people go into marriage because they think they are good enough and ready. They know they can shoulder the physical responsibilities and financial commitments. But the question they should be asking is 'can they shoulder the emotional responsibilities?' Can they nurture and pamper? Can they care for someone else like they care for themselves? Can they overlook errors and refrain from hurtful words? Do they have the necessary maturity required to build up their spouse as opposed to tearing them down? Do they have the skill of communication? Do they have control over their anger? These are key questions to ask before you commit!

It is not enough to be good enough as a spouse. You should be exceptional! You should aim to excite, impress, and please your spouse (No, I am referring to only women here; men too!). You should try to be who your partner needs, not the textbook version of what society feels you should be to achieve a successful marriage. You should study your partner, learn about your spouse, take note of the little things, be spontaneous, give generously, and above all protect your spouse's emotions. XOXO

Is Traditional Marriage Valid In the Eyes Of God?

As Christians, there are many times we find ourselves wondering about what is right or what is wrong especially on issues where the bible seem to be silent such as marital sex, masturbation, dating etc.

In the wake of this, there seem to be so many opinions on what ought to be and many among us just go with what is logical. The things of the spirit don’t necessarily have to do with reason, if it were, then it’ld be understandable if two people that are committed towards getting married just get to having sex even before the solemnization. It makes sense to go into the word of God and ask for the guidance of the holy spirit.

Why You're Likely to End Up Abused

bestihealthtips.blogspot.com

I don't think anyone wants to abused, nor do I believe people go into relationships with hopes of being heartbroken. Everyone hopes for a happy ending, but the truth is not everyone works for a happy ending. Believe it or not, there are actions/decisions that make you pre-disposed to heart-brokenness and abuse, and with this post, I am going to open your eyes to your biggest action that puts you at the mercy of an abusive partner. 

Do you ever meet someone new, get attracted to that person right away, and start contemplating a relationship based on the first-time attraction and fun you may have shared? You've probably done that at some point. Who hasn't? It is the perfect love story everyone yearns for; the type you only find in romantic comedies and cheesy novels. But in reality, these relationships mostly do not pan out right.

How should a Christian treat his homosexual co-workers?

Dear Counsellor,

I am a Christian and I work in an international company where they talk about diversity in the workplace. There is also diversity training on sexual orientation and gender identity issues. I know some of my colleagues in the company are homosexual and as a Christian, I really would like to know how to treat these colleagues.

Even though I must say, I really detest the perversion of the sexuality and the rising importance and recognition of the homosexuals. I think Christians are allowing this issue to explode without taking a stance.

Yours faithfully,

Andrew O.

Three Reasons a Woman Would Cheat On You

healthyourbeauty.com

Many people swear cheating is a man’s game; it is about the biological or should I rather say natural way men are wired- to be polygamous in nature because they are moved by what they see. Women on the other hand are moved by what they hear, therefore if a man is able to audibly satisfy her, he can rest easy that she’s not going anywhere. This to me is the most ludicrous science ever. Women, irrespective of the many promises and compliments thrown at them are just as likely to cheat. No, it has nothing to do with the way they are wired (by the way if you believe men are naturally wired to cheat, this is an invitation to contact me for counseling); cheating on the part of a woman is dependent on many factors which are often ignored by the strong believers in compliments and promises. Here are a few of them:

Nonchalance: Women who are in relationships with nonchalant men are more likely to cheat. It is not because nonchalant men are not doling out enough compliments or spending money on the finest things in life. It is because women like to feel they are important to their men. They want to feel like their absence will be deeply felt, and they are at the top of the priority list. Irrespective of how independent, mature and strong a woman is, this is a deeply-seated desire nothing can shake. It is not a result of insecurity as you may think. It is a necessary desire for appreciation. If you have a nonchalant attitude towards your woman, if you keep treating her like the last thing you have to sort out on your to-do list, she is highly likely to cheat on you with someone who makes her feel the world will stop if he doesn’t make her feel special. 

Bad sex: I don’t know if it’s due to an overly religious nature or pure ego that some men believe sex is not to be enjoyed by women. And I fail to understand if these reasons are possibly the root cause of women not being able to express their ill feelings about sexual encounters with their spouses, leading them to rather cheat. Whatever the reasons may be, bad sex remains one of the key reasons women cheat. Now bad sex is not necessarily sex that lasts a few minutes, just like good sex cannot be characterized by the number of hours. As a man, you may need to learn your spouse’s body as time goes on. Do a little trial and error to understand what gets her going. Bad sex is the reason some married couples drift apart. Contrary to popular belief, it is not always the woman’s fault if she fails to attain satisfaction. A selfish man, a man who doesn’t understand the essence of foreplay, or a man who doesn’t understand the needs of his spouse will push her to cheat. It really is that simple. 

Weakness: From discussions, I have gathered that women do not want weak men. Now, understand the meaning of weakness. A strong man is not one who controls his woman, beats her up when she steps out of line or treat her like trash when he is angry. That is not a strong man; that is an animal. A strong man is someone who is a deeply rooted shoulder, one who takes charge of situations not people, and one who comes to his woman’s defense whenever she is threatened. A weak man is a ‘yes man’, scared to challenge the status quo or rock the boat. A weak man cannot defend his woman; he lets life’s storms hit her left, right and centre without trying to fix it. No matter how strong, independent and mature a woman is, she does not want a weak man. Even if society insists he is the perfect fit for her based on her personality and disposition, she might end up looking elsewhere for that pillar of strength that lets her know she doesn’t have to do it all on her own. Step up!

What other factors can you think of? Do share! XOXO

What Do You Think About This Family Bed?

Image Via www.wanderingtheworldbelow.com

I remembered how I used to sleep off on the couch and wake up in the middle of the night well tucked in beside my younger sister. It was ritual that went on for most part of my childhood. We don’t give our parents enough credit. They are such angels.
Another amazing thing about parents is how they think their ways out of situations and come up with solutions that meet the common need of every member of the family.
 The story behind this family bed is one of such stories of parents being extraordinary. Read the Boyce’s story HERE.
 What do you think about co sleeping? Can you get this kind of family bed?

Image via www.huffingtonpost.com