Thursday, November 5, 2015

Are You Good Enough As a Spouse?

The definition of a good spouse varies; for some, it is all about support in every way possible- financially, spiritually, physically,etc. For some people, a good spouse does his or her half and leaves the rest for grabs. That at least is good enough, and is certainly better than a spouse who contributes nothing to the relationship. Many people like to think they are good enough, and that is where the problems of many relationships stem from. People become so self-absorbed, they believe whatever they bring to the table, even if it is not in line with their partner's needs, is good enough. Hence, there is no attempt on their part to be who their partner nneed. They simply stick to being a generic prototype of what a spouse should be.
Many relationships are built on a sense of obligation, resulting in the unshakeable feeling that one is simply fulfilling a task. Many men believe they are good enough if they pay the bills, provide for the children, and manage to keep their pants zipped up. For some women, it is about how domesticated they are; as long as they can cook tasty meals, keep the home clean, and take care of the children, they are good enough. There is a sense of obligation that seems to overtake everything else when we start to discuss marriage, and this I believe is one of the many deep-seated reasons relationships crash. 

Firstly, you must understand this: Marriage is not an obligation you must tick off your list every morning. It is not a checklist of what you have managed to achieve, nor is it simply about fulfilling your end of the bargain. It is way deeper than that. Marriage is not just an exchange of vows; it is a commitment to protecting another person's heart and interests with as much strength as you protect yours. It is not about paying the bills or buying the groceries; marriage is about nurturing your partner, and being there when the chips are down. Marriage is not just about keeping up appearances or fulfilling societal expectations; marriage is about being there at your partner's ugliest moments, yet lettingh him/her know that you will never leave, never stop loving, and never fail to see the beauty in them everyday. 

Many people go into marriage because they think they are good enough and ready. They know they can shoulder the physical responsibilities and financial commitments. But the question they should be asking is 'can they shoulder the emotional responsibilities?' Can they nurture and pamper? Can they care for someone else like they care for themselves? Can they overlook errors and refrain from hurtful words? Do they have the necessary maturity required to build up their spouse as opposed to tearing them down? Do they have the skill of communication? Do they have control over their anger? These are key questions to ask before you commit!

It is not enough to be good enough as a spouse. You should be exceptional! You should aim to excite, impress, and please your spouse (No, I am referring to only women here; men too!). You should try to be who your partner needs, not the textbook version of what society feels you should be to achieve a successful marriage. You should study your partner, learn about your spouse, take note of the little things, be spontaneous, give generously, and above all protect your spouse's emotions. XOXO

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