Thursday, November 19, 2015

Don't Let Change Ruin Your Marriage

If there is one truth I have deduced from the marriages of my buddies and acquaintances, it is the fact that marriage is very much like life. It is full of ups and downs. As a single individual, there are highs and lows; there are moody days, and there are upbeat days. There are days when you decide to drop a bad habit, and there are days when you decide to take up a new hobby. The point here is, as a single individual, you are prone to a lot of changes, because it's a human norm. Getting married does not stop change; and truly, there is nothing wrong with changing. Sometimes change is a sign of growth, and you can't stop growing simply because you are married. The problem is when you start growing without carrying your partner along. 

We all have our tendencies when we are undergoing change. Some people sit with their partners and discuss the possibility of change; some people simply change and expect their spouses to catch up, while others change and could not care less about their spouses catching up or not as long as they are happy. This results in a disconnect amongst spouses, and if not addressed as soon as possible, can lead to spouses growing completely apart, and separating due to irreconcilable differences. It is important to audit your relationship frequently to ensure you are connecting with your spouse spiritually, emotionally, financially, intellectually and spiritually. If you are not connecting in an area or some areas, then you have to take steps to seal the gaps. 

Re-connection between spouses requires honesty first of all. You have to sit with your spouse and have a honest conversation about how things have changed, and why you think they have changed. This is not an opportunity to point fingers and bring up issues that happened a decade ago. It is an opportunity to have a heart-to-heart discussion about where you unplugged from each other, and why. It is the opportunity to re-commit yourself to making things work and spicing things up. 

Secondly, take the necessary steps! If you haven't been out on a date for some time, it's time you work on that. Spend some time away from the children, titivate yourself, and avoid discussing the practicalities and functional factors of your marriage. Talk about yourselves, your jobs, your friends, TV shows, funny events, anything that your spouse might have missed. Just make the conversation flow, and let your hair loose. 

Work your way back to your intimacy zone. What attracted you to your partner when you first met? What has changed that makes you love your partner more? What is that old trait that your partner has managed to retain in spite of change? Be a tease; make it exciting. Don't let change ruin your marriage. Stay on the positive side of change, and appreciate positive change. Stop holding on to who your partner was when you first met. People change, so don't despise it. Instead talk about it and carry each other along. Change is inevitable, and can be a beautiful thing for your relationship if you keep each other in the loop and carry each other along always. XOXO

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