Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Are You Guilty Of The Incredible Relationship Blunder?

I have been watching a show about incredible blunders in engineering and you’d be surprised just how much an omission or commission can cause. When we see beautiful engineering structures such as rails, sky scraping buildings or tunnels, we forget to appreciate the work that have gone into it. Amazingly, there are so many factors asides from beautiful architectural drawings to be considered before one can truly have a masterpiece. 

Can you believe that there was an episode of a road that led nowhere? It was almost unbelievable but after investing millions of dollars in constructing the road they discovered there was a mountain at the end and they couldn’t make a road through it. One would have thought a bunch of engineering professionals would have a better foresight. There was even a ski surface that was constructed with no foundation(of course you can guess how that ended).

Sadly some structures have to be demolished while some constructions have to be halted after discovering the topography of the soil or some other factor is working against it. This errors sometimes cost human lives, time and tons of money. 

This made me think just how very much engineering bear semblance to relationships and the marriage institution. We find ourselves overlooking some things that could have dire consequences. We say ‘she will change’ , ‘he hit me because he was mad’, ‘he doesn’t have to share in my core values’ and then we discover we are caught in a web of wrong decisions that lead to lifelong issues. 

We find ourselves making the incredible relationship blunder 'settling'. We try to convince ourselves all a building needs is new plastering when the issue is foundational so we keep going round in circles. Looking to fill a void that could have been avoided. See, a friend of mine accepted the invite, of a girl he had just met the week before, to escort her to a wedding ceremony over the weekend. He said the lady seemed pretty nice and he was ready to explore the phase of ‘getting to know you’ and he thought the lady was on the same page with him. 

He was taken aback however, when the lady in question introduced him as her boyfriend to those on their table. He also mentioned he got fidgety at how much she kept going on and on about how she wanted her own wedding to be like. He confessed he couldn’t wait for the ceremony to be over so he could set things straight with her. This was someone that didn’t even know his last name and was already planning their lives together.

Some ladies might not agree but I also think what happened was kind of freaky. I am of that school of thought that no one ought to waste someone else’s time but then some things are just not negotiable. Even if you both met in church in the middle of a fire spitting session, there is still the need to get to know each other. 

Many marriages crumble these days because some women and some men were so much more obsessed with getting married than they were at getting to know the person they would be stuck with forever. I am no cynic but I have heard enough stories to know that settling with someone requires really deep thoughts.

I saw a meme on the social media another day , it read; flee from a woman that wants a wedding more than she wants you. I couldn’t agree less.

While marriage is a great thing, there needs to be a deeper aspiration for something way deeper and stronger. Something that can stand the test of time. Something that doesn’t involve waking up in the middle of your life and realizing you are stuck midway like the road that leads nowhere.

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