Don't Let Change Ruin Your Marriage

If there is one truth I have deduced from the marriages of my buddies and acquaintances, it is the fact that marriage is very much like life. It is full of ups and downs. As a single individual, there are highs and lows; there are moody days, and there are upbeat days. There are days when you decide to drop a bad habit, and there are days when you decide to take up a new hobby. The point here is, as a single individual, you are prone to a lot of changes, because it's a human norm. Getting married does not stop change; and truly, there is nothing wrong with changing. Sometimes change is a sign of growth, and you can't stop growing simply because you are married. The problem is when you start growing without carrying your partner along. 

We all have our tendencies when we are undergoing change. Some people sit with their partners and discuss the possibility of change; some people simply change and expect their spouses to catch up, while others change and could not care less about their spouses catching up or not as long as they are happy. This results in a disconnect amongst spouses, and if not addressed as soon as possible, can lead to spouses growing completely apart, and separating due to irreconcilable differences. It is important to audit your relationship frequently to ensure you are connecting with your spouse spiritually, emotionally, financially, intellectually and spiritually. If you are not connecting in an area or some areas, then you have to take steps to seal the gaps. 

Change How You Approach Women!

It is difficult to find a good partner – Yes, I have heard that so many times, it bugs me. Women are mostly on the complaining end; many young men these days are either full of jokes, lies, or can’t tell what they want. Men are complaining too! Most women they meet are either after money, their status or the golden achievement - marriage. It’s not like wanting marriage is a bad thing but when a man meets a woman who wants marriage more than she wants him, there’s bound to be some trouble. This post is not about women though; it’s for men. 

Many men do not realize that they set the stage for how their relationships turn out. They set the stage for the deceit they end up with, or for the gold-digging women who have absolutely nothing to offer in return. It is easier than you think to make the wrong first impression, and even easier to keep propagating that impression without really knowing it. I watch men do these things everyday, and sometimes, I feel the urge to shake them vigorously just so they wake up, but I figure that won’t help much, so I’d rather just write this post. 

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#1 Stop approaching women with a marriage proposal: You may not know this, but starting off your relationship with someone you barely know by proposing marriage increases your chances of getting hooked to a desperado. Sadly, most of the men who do this are the good, stand up guys who are keen to settle down. Some of them get away with it, but many of them have tales of woes to share. If you have been doing this, stop it now; really please do. It scares away normal, intelligent women who have their lives together, and mostly attracts women who want to be hitched so badly, they’ll pretend for the few months leading to the wedding and unleash the dragon once you say “I do.”

9 reasons why men don't discuss problems with their wives

Credits: tscotty76.wordpress.com

This is a post for the women.

Some women believe they don't understand their husbands. Why doesn't he tell me when he is going through trying times? Why does he have to wait until everything goes belly up before he says anything? If he told him, I could have helped out. I thought that we are one in this marriage.

Well here are some reasons that he might not share his problems with you;

"This is Not the Marriage I signed Up For!"

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I have heard so many heartbreaking stories about marriage. Sometimes I wonder why people bother to get married at all. I have heard stories of abuse, I have seen people throw in the towel because they just can't go on anymore, and I have seem many people broken and battered, yet staying put in order to save face with society. In all these scenarios, one confession remains constant 

"This is not the marriage I signed up for!"

It is disheartening to hear that statement. More often than not, I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about marriage, and wondering if people truly change to become these beasts that exert torture on the partners they swore to love, come hell or high water. The truth I have learned is that people do not change, and in many cases of bad marriage, there are no victims; there are simply volunteers. Truly, some people have been blindsided by wolves in sheep clothing; some have truly found themselves married to people who changed all of a sudden, but I discovered most of the time that people do know what they are signing up for when they get married. 

Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men

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We might not like to admit it as women but we lie to ourselves everyday where men are concerned. We have absorbed ridiculous theories, and quotes as facts, and without being aware, we act out accordingly. For some women, these lies have helped preserve their relationship, albeit unhealthy. For others, these lies have proven to be fallible, causing them to question what it is exactly that they are doing wrong.Well, I can tell you now that internalizing lies about men is the only thing you are doing wrong. I have selected some of the most popular lies women like to indulge in. 

#1 All men cheat: No, that's not true. I know a lot of young men who do not, and cannot cheat. No it is not because they don't face temptation everyday, or because they have low libido. It's because of who they are as individuals. Some men would die a thousand deaths if they succumbed to the temptation of sending a flirty text in response to the object of their temptation. Cheating boils down to integrity, and truly, not many people have integrity these days, but find a man who does, and you will never again utter this lie to yourself. 

#2 Men are like babies: Yes, I have heard this so many times, and at some point, I believed it. But my tolerance for adult babies is so low, it didn't take long for me to dismiss this. Where women got this ideology from is still beyond me. Everyday, I see articles from married women advising young unmarried ladies to treat their men like babies, and I just shake my head in despair. Men are not babies! Boys are babies. You are in the relationship as a partner, not a mother, so start acting your part! Stop excusing his wrongs by telling yourself he's like a baby. No he's not. He's only taking advantage of the fact that you think he is. 

"Not Your Responsibility"

Just when I think I have seen or heard it all, something or someone comes along and shatters that illusion. I sometimes wonder if proclaiming I have seen it all is a dare to the universe to prove me wrong. In 2015, in this day and age, I have discovered there are James and Janet Bonds in marriages and even relationships whose courses are yet to be determined. Sometimes I feel it's an exaggeration, but personal accounts of those caught in the crossfire, and even my own personal experience has revealed that there are more secret agents in relationships than there are normal 'imperfect yet emotionally balanced' individuals. Yes, I am referring to infidelity and the need you might feel to set him/her straight.

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I have realized that even with the surge of self-assurance articles, increase in self-esteem and the billion and one ways to battle insecurity, many boyfriends, girlfriends, wives and husbands are out there trying to bludgeon to death anyone who dares to look at their partner. I have heard incidents of innocent people being slapped for shaking hands with married, engaged or dating men, and I have often stared in bewilderment as they recounted their experiences. Clearly, I have or heard or seen it all.

If you are one of those partners who stalk, threaten and physically assault anyone your partner comes in contact with, this post is for you. 

Firstly, the fact that you feel the need to follow up on every move your partner makes, or everyone he or she speaks with is a sign that you are crossing over to the dark side of insanity. Take a deep breath and assess why you are so insecure. Are you scared your partner will leave for someone else? Well, when you have been committed for a long time, that is a valid fear, but it is not enough to turn you to a lunatic. Ask yourself "what's the worst that could happen if your partner walks out the door? Will your life come to an end? Nope; I can tell you that much. Will it hurt? Of course! But you can't die. So why push yourself to insanity's door? 

It is not your responsibility to keep your spouse faithful, and keeping someone with you by instilling fear in him/her is not what love is about. Sooner or later, that person will overcome the fear and move on anyway. And even if they are too crippled to do that, your relationship will simply function according to the makings of your imagination. What's the joy in that? If you suspect you partner of infidelity, rather have a discussion with him/her rather than going around slapping people and threatening bodily harm. Go out with your friends, have fun, and if your partner is truly an infidel that won't quit, walk away. Preserve yourself; there is always someone better out there for you. XOXO

Getting Over The Anxieties Of Having Another Child

I come from a family of five kids and most times I wonder how my parents cope with us. Despite sharing same parents, we all have our distinct features and needs, especially emotionally. My parents stay in all our lives effortlessly and it wasn't until of late that I started really thinking about how superhuman that is.

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 Before I had my child there were many things that felt like unreachable goals. I never knew how to change a diaper. I don’t sleep much but I have always adored my ‘me’ time and the serenity of having my own space whenever I wanted. I knew my life was going to be altered but I never quite imagined the transition. There are times I just wanted to shout and scream but those beautiful pair of eyes staring directly into mine in the middle of scattered laundry, could  disarming. I have learnt to love far beyond whatever limits I might have had.There is absolutely nothing compared to the bod we share.

These past two years have happened so fast. I probably have done more growing up in these two years than I have most of my life. I get asked a lot when I’ll be ready for the second one, I laugh it off sometimes, other times, I say ‘soon’. What I am not saying however, is how scared I am that my heart might not be large enough to pour same amount of love on the second child. I also fear that my daughter might feel starved of affection seeing as she has always had me to herself. Asides, how am I going to handle two kids when how I have fared with one has been a miracle.  They say women are great jugglers, perhaps it wouldn’t be as hard as I suppose or it might come naturally. Maybe, my heart can stretch even further or I should not bother trying out for a second one? Inside me can be a bunch of varied disorganized thoughts sometimes. Perhaps, I should just take the leap and hope my heart can stretch. I have been made to understand that my fears are genuine and there are several women who feel the same way.  My mum’s ultimate tip is that every child brings a whole new kind of experience and that the heart is larger than we think. Apparently, we are oblivious of all the love we can give. There are however, steps one can take towards preparing for the second child and these tips are as shared by different mums.

 ·         Don’t give in to all of us your child’s requests, that way you would have taught him that he cannot always have his way and it wouldn’t seem so out of place when you do the same when the new child comes.

·         Having a couple of years between them can be an advantage. That way, one’s older child might be able to do somethings on his own .

·          “If the baby is fussing (not really crying, just complaining), make sure your first hears you say, ‘Just a minute baby, I'm helping (insert siblings name) right now.’ I did this several times the first few weeks, and when the tables were turned and I had to ask my firstborn to wait while I nursed, etc., it went much smoother.” -- Megan Rose Hershfield See more amazing tips HERE