Monday, May 5, 2014

Reasons Why You are Struggling To Get And Keep A Man

Everyone wants to be with someone, there are no questions about that. Of course, at the climax of hurt and pain, may single ladies will swear by the day they were born that they don't need any man in their life and can take care of themselves. No one is disputing that if it is true but we all know, deep down inside, we are scared of dying alone and being discovered three weeks later or going home to cats and parrots when we are 60. 

Like it or not, we all want someone to talk to and offload our issues of the day on when we get home. These days, the struggle to find a good man is real, even though women seem to be covering it up with nonchalant attitudes towards relationships. If you are struggling to get and keep a man, here are some possible reasons:

#1 You are Too Busy: Many women consider a relationship a trivial issue that should not eat into their work time, study time or even their leisure time. They believe if a man wants them, he should understand that they are not idle and either get onboard with the program or get lost. Calm down, the future of the world does not rest on your shoulders. First thing I tell women that are too busy to live life is to de-clutter their lives. Get rid of those projects and assignments that have been in the pipeline for months even though they are at the verge of completion, deliberately choose a day when you do nothing! Except go out, hang out with friends, potential boyfriends, or just go shopping at the mall and have a nice tub of frozen yoghurt.

#2 You are Too Expectant: Expectation is the mother of all disappointments. Now I am not saying you should not be expectant, it is human nature to be hopeful. However, it is wise to hold out on being too hopeful when you have just met someone. Many of us are eager beavers and the rest of us think we are in scenes of the notebook movie, and that causes us to act in psycho-manic ways. Before a guy makes his intentions known, we put a lot of expectations before him; 'he must treat me like a princess', 'he must be ten minutes early for our date', 'he must call me five times a day', 'he must introdduce me to his sister'....slow down! You barely know the guy. Instead of getting to know him, you are placing him under the back-breaking burden of all your expectations. Take your time, let him know you for who you are, let him be the one to set the pace. You will avoid getting hurt this way and qalso avoid being seen as a psycho.

#3 You Don't Know What You Have To Offer: Many women want to be in relationships but they don't know why. For some, it's a matter of having someone to go out with on a friday night, for others, it is simply because everyone is doing it and well, they follow the trend. You need to define why you want to be in a relationship and what you have to offer in a relationship. See it as a job. You don't go to an interview and tell the HR manager tohire you simply because of all the benefits you want to get from the company. You speak about what you have to offer too! Relationships work the same way; before you go into one, you need to know who you are, how you like to be treated and what you have to offer to make your relationship succeed. Without these answers in place, you will end up picking the bad eggs and crying yourself to sleep.

#4 You are Insecure: Insecurity is an issue that can never be over-flogged. It plagues most women even though they are unwilling to admit it. Insecure women are either willing to date any man that comes along- be it a guy with no future ambitions, one that is content with living on their couch or one that just wants to have fun and disappear- or they are scared to date anyone, for fear that he will see what they are truly like on the inside and won't like it. Insecurities are hard to fight but believe me, it is a battle that can be won. You need to understand you are not perfect and there is no shame in that. If there is anything you don't like about yourself, change it! You are not a baked cake that cannot be 'unbaked'. If you don't like your weight and believe you are lucky if any man winks at you, then change the way you look! You don't need a membership fee to jog down the street or choose healthier culinary options. Stop wallowing in excuses and rise to be the woman you want to be, not just because you want to get a man but because it will do your spirit a lot of good!

#5 You Are Looking In the Wrong Places: There is a notion that many suitable men are found in bars, night clubs and other spots where the hip, fun and young people hang out. That is true...but if you have been looking there and have only picked up rotten tomatoes, you might want to look elsewhere. many people say try the gym. Erm...I am not so into guys that are infatuated with themselves. I suggest you stop looking period! 

Smile at guys when they smile at you, have a random conversation with the guy in front of you while on the queue for your coffee and bagel, be open, smile, laugh but don't look for him. Looking for him means you will see everyone as a potential partner and that will lead to disaster as stated in number 2. So instead of looking for him, simply look out for the amazing things and people life is bringing your way, be yourself and have fun! You'll be surprised at the number of Prince Charmings that will queue up at your doorstep.

XOXO

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