Monday, May 26, 2014

4 Things You Should Consider Before Giving Up On Your Marriage

Infidelity has become more rampant in recent times or maybe not, our grandparents were probably ‘decent’ enough to justify theirs through the practice of polygamy. The moral decadence in recent times is at an all time high. It is alright for a man to have a side chick in case he gets bored with his major chick-his wife or fiancĂ©e (whom in the eyes of majority of the society is the lucky one). Men are not the only ones guilty of this, women have also been found wanting in the fidelity department.

Growing up in a Yoruba setting with women still nursing heartaches and betrayal didn’t help my paranoia much but I remembered at some point I consciously projected in my mind the kind of husband I wanted. I wish I can gloat and say the perfect life I envisioned actually exists but with everyday that passes I understand just how much work marriage and dedication need from both sides.

My friend and I were discussing about the increase in the divorce rates and all the courtroom dramas that accompany it and we came to the conclusion love and hate are neighbours.  Watching the parties involved air their dirty laundry in the presence of everyone makes one wonder if love ever existed between them.

While infidelity might make up for a larger percentage of most divorces, there are other factors that lead to divorce

Whatever happened to the’ for better or worse’ you would ask? Irreconcilable differences is the most frequent ground couples on the verge of divorce give. Most times when one probes deeper, one would uncover a web of deceit, lies and betrayal. Some give up too soon while some work through it.

I am an apologist of the marriage institution and I believe some marriages can be redeemed if the problems plaguing it are rightly and promptly attended to .

·         First, communication is very important. There are times during client briefing and interview that we discover that couples have deep communication problems. Given a situation where the spouses have gotten bored with routine, the reasonable thing to do is to talk about it. For some couples, Words are misinterpreted; talking to each other is just a total disaster. Most times, it takes a while before it gets to this point. If the spouses have taken some time to talk while trying to deal with their issues without bottling up so much, then, some situation would not become so bad.

·         For those with spouses that cheated, it is always good to consider how sober the other partner is and if she/he is ready to make amends. Second chances are great, long as the two people involved understand the place of respect for the vows taken. I honestly think marriages can outlive one or two cases of cheating if the erring partner is sober enough and hands on on making a change.

·         Visit a counsellor. You will be surprised how therapeutic it can be talking about all the issues to a neutral third party. You can see a professional or a spiritual head you both trust.

·         Pray,pray and never stop praying. Some things are not as complicated as we think they are, taking them to God in prayer produce solutions to our lifelong problems. Pray for strength,courage and wisdom in building your home.

Remember every relationship has its ups and downs. Also bear in mind that people's destinies are tied to yours like your children,so whatever you do,keep an open mind towards recoinciliation. For some, divorce is inevitable and for others, they just need to put in some work to save their marriage.  The marriage vows are to be taken very seriously ,divorce should be the very last resort, couples must seek reconciliation first.

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