Monday, May 19, 2014

Message For Single Mums

Disclaimer: This is not a post to encourage men who walf out on the women they impreganted or to give the notion that such women are overbearing. It is a post intended to help single mothers move on, let go and make something worthwhile of themselves, against all odds.

Being a single mother can be difficult; and really, I don't think any one willingly puts herself in such a situation. For many women, being a single mother is the result of tragic incidents that still haunt them till this very day, while others are unfortunate to be dumped by the men they believed would stand by them forever, leaving them to face the difficulties of childbearing and parenthood alone. These days, the trend of single parenthood is on the rise; there are more single mothers coming up everyday, feeling they can do it all by themselves. Somewhere along the line, every single mother will feel the need for a husband, a pillar of support for themselves and for their children and that is where the baby card starts to come into play.

It is disheartening that many young men these days have sex with women they have no intention of marrying, and it is even more disturbing that women agree to sexual relations with a man that has not made any commitment before God or her family. Why these things happen, I will never understand but it's a situation many people have to face everyday, so I figured it should be addressed. As a single mum, it must be difficult to watch the father of your child move on like he didn't leave a bun in your oven, to watch him move on, marry someone else and act like you never existed in his life. But should you play the baby card to make him notice you?

Many single mothers find it hard to let go and move on. I get it; it is difficult to do that when a baby is involved and his father is not man-ing up to his responsibilities but really ladies, it is never too late to let go and start over.

I hear stories everyday of single mothers that stalk the father of their child, call his girlfriend or wife and even get restraining orders against him just so he won't be able to see his child. STOP using your child as a bargaining chip or a tool to get some attention from the man that walked out on you! Acrimony over lack of child support is understandable but if he is supporting his child, you don't have any business calling his house, insulting his wife or writing on his facebook wall. Yes it is difficult but let go and move on! Can you start a new chapter if you keep re-reading the last chapter you just concluded? NOPE! You might say "he needs to be part of every second of his child's life, I don't care if he is married to someone else!" the question is can you force him?
For many fathers who walk out on their 'baby mamas', they believe sending a cheque every month is enough to raise a child. They don't understand the pain you go through from having to handle it alone, they don't understand the strain and stress involved in raising a child and trying to make a living simultaneously and believe me, some of them do not want to know.
Does that mean you should harbour resentment and prevent yourself from reaching for the stars, no! You have a child's future to look forward to and believe me, on that day of success, all the trouble will be worth it. Keep strong, focus on what's important, forgive yourself for your mistakes and make sure you don't repeat them. Stalking your 'baby daddy' won't make him fall in love with you all over again, nor will it make him want to spend more time with his child.
Instead, the opposite will be the case. Let him do right by his child with his monthly cheques and maybe monthly visits. That's what he figures parenthood is about; but whatever you do, don't let him steal your joy or prevent your heart from loving again.

Hugs and kisses to all mums, single or married,. You rock!

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