Thursday, January 28, 2016

In Laws Are From Hell???

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A young woman got married to the love of her life. They had children and were living the life many hoped for. She couldn’t have been on a smoother ride, until death came and rained on her parade. Her beloved husband died in a motor crash, leaving her to fend for herself and their two young children. It came as a total shock and her inlaws didn’t make things any better. She was frustrated out of her marital home and had to do several odd jobs in order to provide for herself and her kids. She invested all she made on them, knowing pretty well that they were going to look after her when she becomes frail. It was like having sunshine after a heavy downpour of rain when her elder son got a job with one of the biggest multinationals in the country. He quickly moved the family into a decent apartment and made sure every need of his mother’s was met. Life decided to deal them another blow when her younger child died leading to the woman suffering a mild stroke. This made her very reliant on her son, who did all he could to fill the void death had created.

Theirs was a very strong bond.

He met Jocelyn on one of his assignments and they fast became an item. He couldn’t spend as much time as he used to spend with his mum as he had to juggle work and his new found love. Jocelyn didn’t understand the bond the woman and her son shared and she found every avenue to complain. The feeling was mutual as the woman found she had to share her son’s love with another woman. The son is however torn between the two of them not knowing whose side to stay on.

The scenario above is fictional and you can tell I am trying to find justification for some mother in laws that have been labelled annoying.

People complain a lot about their in-laws and most times it has to do with finances and accommodation. Many of us get married with the delusion that family members automatically fade away after the bridal party. Imagine just how shocked and unprepared we are when we find out in-laws cannot be wished away. There will be reasonable and unreasonable ones and we would have to deal with them all without causing unnecessary rifts.

We need to get our minds out of the stereotypes the society has created and understand that the key to building a good home is diligent application of wisdom and patience.

Some parents can really be overbearing but it turns out some of us also forget that our spouse had a life and commitment before he/she met us. Although two has become one, a child still has obligations to fulfill to his parents that is totally independent of whatever love he might have for his wife/ her husband. Remember "Honour your father and your mother so your days may be long".

What matters the most is for such issues as this to be adequately discussed and for reasonable choices to be made. Are the parents involved too overbearing? Are they such troublemakers or Is the spouse just intolerant?
Wisdom is what is needed here. “By wisdom is a house built and through understanding, it is established”. “Every wise woman build her home while the foolish pluck it down with her hands”.
Many parents sacrificed a lot for their children and it is important that we do not neglect them. Not all parents in law are from hell. Don’t be so on edge, things are always so much better if we walk in the shoes of those we are quick to condemn.

I had a discussion with a friend earlier in the week where we both agreed that issues are better resolved when the parties involved are not so screwed tight and set in their ways. There is no harm in meeting each other half way. Discuss your fears with your spouse. Be flexible and opened to accommodating some of your spouse's ideas.

 Pray for the aged ones, love on them. I am not saying there are no wicked humans but the battle is not yours to fight. Commit all into God’s hands.

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