Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Getting Married To The One You Love Vs The One That Loves You

Choosing one’s life partner is a very serious step and is treated so most times. People are known to seek the counsel of their loved ones and those they respect hoping to get their approval and wise guidelines that can help them through the journey. Opinions sought and the ones not sought are always offered.

Everyone seems to have a word or two to say to people looking to embark on this life long journey.

One of the commonest things I hear is for people to marry someone that is crazy about them as opposed to getting married to someone that they are more in love with.

How does that even make sense? You may ask.

If we all take that advice, then we all would be a bunch of scheming unhappy pretenders with no integrity or hopeless cowards to say the least.

The people that say this are not without their reasons. They are of the opinion that a lot of things can change once couples get married. Attraction and passion are said to diminish and couples face situations that will test their love. Temptation will come in the guise of other available choices and one may find out that it takes someone who is truly loyal and deeply in love with one to stay by one through thick and thin.

They also opine that someone that is crazy about another will stick with one no matter what happens and will adore one till the last days. He will always put you first and won’t allow even an insect come close to you. You will never have to wonder where such person’s loyalty lies because it will be so obvious it is with you. What they fail to talk about is the place of passion and attraction, which in their opinion doesn't matter at all.

On the other hand, someone that you love more than the person loves you can leave you feeling so drained and unfulfilled because you will always wonder how loyal they are to you. You will find yourself going to extra miles for a person that isn’t even ready to take a step. It can fast become a sticky situation that can turn you into an insecure wretch as you will never feel like they are fully committed to you. You may find yourself second-guessing their actions, thus, causing deep dissatisfaction and unhappiness in the long run.

So, the question is, will you rather go with your heart and follow your passion through with the one you love but isn’t so into you or go with your head and marry the one that loves you but you don’t love?

Frankly, the two don’t look like great choices.

Why should you have to endure a relationship because you know the other person will go through Ogunshukshuku forest to get you the tears of the oldest ant? The people that advice this say love grows and that you may be inspired by the other person’s love to reciprocate but that can be a long shot. They apparently ignore the fact that agreeing to spend the rest of your life with such person that you do not love can translate to giving room for all kinds of what ifs and temptation that may ultimately lead to giving in to temptation and ruining your life forever.

Marriage should be about two people in love, not one person hoping to give enough love for the two to survive.

Bearing this in mind, getting married requires using your heart and head. You need to find a balance, great chemistry isn’t enough and your marriage won’t survive without love and this love needs to be love between the two people involved. One of the greatest mistakes anyone can ever make is to get married for the wrong reasons. Do not set your marriage up for failure by choosing wrongly.

Above all, listen closely to your spirit. What is it telling you? Don’t ignore the signs. If you feel badly about it, then it probably won’t work out.

It doesn’t make sense seeing a burning fire and jumping right in the middle of it. The heart does grow fonder but not in every instance. Be sure you understand what you are getting into. A lot can be damaged while you are trying to show love or cajole the other person to meet your intensity.

*Ogunshukushuku forest: a coined name for the scariest and darkest forest in the world.

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