Thursday, December 1, 2016

You Need To Take A Break From Relationships

This was the advice I gave a friend of mine a couple of months ago as she sat across the table from me at our favourite breakfast restaurant and recounted the tales of horror her last relationship put her through. I quietly listened; I mean that is a strength I have learned to develop. 

I nodded my head at certain things she said and stared in amazement at the other things. I smiled to myself often and really just let her let it all out. I'd heard all these before. As a matter of fact, just a couple of years ago, I was the one at the other end of the table recounting tales to anyone who would listen. She must have noticed after a while that I was listening and not saying a word, so she asked me "Demi am I overreacting here?"


"Why then are you so quiet?"

"Because I already know what I am going to tell you. You need to take a break from relationships."

Why did I say that? Because it had become a vicious cycle for her as it is for many people. You meet someone, they pay you a compliment, they act nice and sweet for a couple of weeks, they act proper on the first date, they say all the right things and a few wrong things but you discard those wrong things as jokes, tolerable, acceptable or even changeable. So you go ahead into the relationship and a couple of months down the line, it's like you are right back where you started; it's like you are back with the ex you swore to never date again. This time you are dating that ex, he or she is just in a different body. 

My advice? Take a break.

These days, people seem to be on a speed dating reel; saying you are single is equivalent to saying you helped Judas Iscariot plan the crucifixion of Jesus. Everyone is simply on a reel, trying to catch up without stopping to ask themselves "Is this what I really want?"

When I say take a break from relationships, I am not asking you to become a recluse. By all means, live your life, discover yourself, try new things, go on new adventures, learn about yourself and then decide on the kind of love you deserve. Nothing beats knowing yourself so much that a couple of weeks of someone acting right is not enough to make you jump onto their bandwagon. When you know yourself, you take your time. You know the kind of love you deserve, and you stand for it. You are not easily swayed by short-term superficial sweetness. You are more interested in discovering the true character of the person. When you love yourself, you don't try to make the intolerable tolerable; you don't aim to take on the project of 'operation change Mr X or Miss Z'. You don't put yourself in despicable situations that undermine you, belittle you or even hide you. You speak up and walk off when love is not being served.

So take a break; go learn something you've always been interested in, take a trip, make a change in your lifestyle, make decisions by yourself, stand alone and don't be so afraid of it. Love yourself and never be afraid to say no to anyone who is simply out to take you on a speed dating swirl. XOXO

P.S I'm back! Sorry I went away for so long.

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