Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Help! My Boyfriend Proposed But I am Not Ready

Being away from my blogs over the past couple of months did not shield me from the relationship dilemmas of those around me. I spent an afternoon lazing by my friend's pool with a couple of her other friends talking about nothing in particular, when one of the ladies said

"I think my boyfriend is about to propose."

As you can expect, we all beamed with excitement at the news. Which lady does not love the thought of a romantic proposal in the pipeline? However our excitement quickly turned to concern when we noticed that the future bride-to-be had a forlorn look on her face. She couldn't be any less enthused!
Image result for woman scared of marriage

"Well, what's the problem?"

"I am not ready".

My friend and I looked at each other and smiled. We had heard this before from our friends who are now happily married. You see, unlike what many people may think, the thought of marriage sometimes sends some people into panic mode, as they try to understand the fact that they will have to share their space, their time, their decisions and everything else that makes them who they are with someone else. And no, it does not matter if that person is the most amazing person on earth; the thought of being hitched is just scary, period. And yes, that fear is often presented in the form of the best excuse that requires little or no explanation "I am not ready".

Who is ever truly ready for marriage? I see many people these days presenting themselves as wife or husband material - whatever that is- in a bid to prove they are ready. They tweet about cooking and cleaning and praying for their spouses. Trust me when I say that does not make them ready. If these were the only factors required to make marriage work, no one would be divorced. 

Marriage is way bigger than that. It is a different platform, a different phase. You have never been in it before so you definitely cannot be ready for it. If there is one thing that you need to go into marriage, it is courage, faith and a positive attitude. And we all know that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the realization that something else is more important than fear. 

Whatever you are afraid of probably won't happen. And many of the hurdles you will face in marriage can be overcome with courage, faith and a positive attitude.

So if your relationship has matured enough, don't use the 'I'm not ready" excuse to hide your fear. You don't have to be ready. You just have to do it afraid. As a matter of fact, you cannot prepare for marriage (this is the title of my next post). You can't claim to know what to expect in marriage - that in itself leads you to failure. 

So be open, be ready to learn, be ready to reinvent yourself over and over and to continually rebrand your marriage for success. 


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