Holding Off Kids For Career's Sake

There are times I really want to know how exactly happiness is measured. We all keep going round and round trying to fill up the holes in our lives with the utmost goal of being happy. I have a friend that just wants to meet a rich man to marry and bear kids. That is her lifelong desire and aspiration. While this might seem ridiculous and incomprehensible to another, it doesn’t stop it from being a goal. If you ask another person, you’d likely hear something totally different. We are members of same race but totally different in our ways which informs the disparity in our choices.

 

Like I said earlier, our aspirations might be different but there are some things that come with the natural flow of life. As a woman, it is expected that one gets married at some point and bear children, this aligns with the principle of procreation. However, there are instances where the woman decides to hold off marriage for education or career purpose or decides to hold off giving birth for the same purposes mentioned earlier even after getting married. At times, those in the entertainment business hold off because they don’t want anything to mess with their physical appearance or they don’t want to lose momentum on their career growth.

I love when a woman holds her own and puts her foot down in decision making that changes so many lives. It is thrilling to see a woman in all those high offices that used to be marked with ‘men’ and even more exciting to see that they have been able to strike a balance. Different profession requires different approaches and it is easy to become a slave to one’s career without one knowing.

This is where I ask if it is alright to make such decisions? Should one hold off kids for career pursuit?

However way one views it, you’d agree career pursuit is premised on the quest for relevance.My opinion is that much as happiness is a desired end for all of us, its translation to each person is different. I would also love to state that one shouldn’t be selfish in one’s search for happiness. Having a great career is an advantage and lots of people might respect one widely for one’s achievements but work can’t fill the void of a family or children. When one’s bones are tired and the crowd desire more youthful hands and faces, it will seem like a misplaced priority. If one plans well, it is very possible to have a decent career alongside kids and husband. You need not go down the extreme road, your certificates stop being useful to anyone else the moment you breathe your last but the kids would live after you and celebrate the life you lived long after you are gone.

I will love to read your thoughts on this. Kindly drop your comments in the box below.

Photo Credit: babcare.com

Forgiveness - A Cliché But Powerful Gift

To utter the words "I forgive you" is now so cliché, it is often seen as just another way to put an end to arguing, blabbering and unnecessary lengthy discussions about what punishment the offender deserves. Forgiveness, as beautiful as it is, is not esteemed in high regard as it should. Sometimes, it is not given as it should, and sometimes, it is not received as it should. 

To forgive is not as easy as many people think, and I daresay there are some people I know who are naturally gifted in this area of life. Everything is like water off a duck's back to them. They react to unpleasant occurrences steered by their partners, colleagues, friends or family members, but somehow after the explosion of anger, there's a calm within them, and it seems everything they felt a few seconds before sort of vanished into thin air. They forgive wholeheartedly and move on like nothing really happened. Those are people I wish to emulate! 

To forgive is to let go, to acknowledge that the offender is not perfect, is just human, and is deserving of a second chance. When you forgive, you give another person a chance to believe they can get it right next time. To forgive is to bless a person, to tell a person that in spite of what they may have done, they are still whole in your eyes. Forgiveness doesn't keep score, it doesn't try to prove ten years down the line that the other person was at fault. Forgiveness forgets because it lets go. 

While some people find it so easy to give forgiveness, others struggle to accept forgiveness. They believe in punishment and oppression rather than emancipation, so rather than accept forgiveness, they run away from it, and wallow in the afterthought of the horrible deeds they may have done. If we want to sustain the bonds we have formed with others, we must not only learn to forgive, but also to accept forgiveness. Forgiveness is not intended to make us feel small or make us feel unworthy of someone else. It is not a projection of that person being better than we are. It is a gift- a gift we must accept, one we must embrace freely and give freely. XOXO

The Awesomeness Of Grace

I have had moments in my life that I question the existence of an Almighty supernatural being. Those are the times I literally take matters into my hands and blame the consequences of my wrongs on myself. My self-righteous self could commit a sin at those times and blame whatever misfortune I encounter on the sin I committed.

Then, I used to tell myself that the universe operates under a rule, one gets as much as one gives, nothing less, nothing more. Grace didn't make any sense to me, hard work was everything. Good thing I got saved. Salvation, sweet salvation.

Get this, I wasn’t a bad person but there is just this huge difference when you compare the life you were living before discovering the awesomeness of grace and when you thought you were capable of vindicating yourself of every fault. I can’t explain enough how pleasurable it is to understand that the works of my hand don’t necessarily justify the end.

My toddler is so active that I find it hard to keep up or keep an eye on her at all times. She moves round the house in a flash and throws major tantrums should she be made to sit in a place. I try my best to make the house safe by taping every sharp edge, removing small metal and plastic objects that are easy to swallow and putting sharp things where she can’t reach. Amazingly, I overlook some unknowingly and there are times I have caught her just on the brink of swallowing some dangerous objects but I get to see her just before she harms herself.

This always makes me remember who is manning this boat called life. Our human strength is so limited but we will fare better if we understand just how much God wants to be involved in our lives and day to day activities. We however term some of these things little mercies forgetting all the complications we could have faced were we left on our own or were we to rely on our human strength.

Give him a chance dearie, there is only so much you can do on your own. Tap into his goodness and enjoy a grace filled life.

 Have a beautiful week.

PhotoCredit: testimoniesofheavenandhell.com

Relationships Are Learning Curves

I am a big lover of movies; hardly a week goes by where I don't seek out old movies, new movies, all-time favorites... the whole nine yards. One of my favorite genres happen to be romantic comedies. Why? They make me laugh till my sides ache and at the same time paint a picture of relationships that make you want to believe things are always rosy and perfect.

Many believe we should aspire to such a picture of perfection, perhaps we should. However, the movies make it look so easy, you'd swear all it takes to attain that perfect picture are a bouquet of flowers, chocolates, or if you are feeling generous, a piece of jewelry. If only it was that easy...

I have come to learn that relationships are not as straightforward as they are made out to be. They are not as easy, they are not as rosy and certainly not only filled with laughter and jokes, but sometimes tears and pain. What if they could be easy, rosy, filled with laughter and jokes, and everything else that seems to define happiness?

You Shouldn't Be Bothered If He 'Cheats'

I've had a rather interesting week; new year, new friends, new acquaintances and of course new perspectives! I was hanging out with a few friends a couple of nights ago and the issue of cheating came up. As a woman, I immediately expressed my strong opinions against men who cheat on their wives or girlfriends. I backed my arguments with strong evidence as to why women can;t stand their men cheating, how it's a form of emotional abuse etc. The guys in the group looked at me, laughed and then started to table their thoughts on the topic. 

According to them, a woman should not be bothered if her man cheats as long as he doesn't bring his spare wheel home. HUH?! How on earth does that make sense to anyone? It's OK to cheat if you don't bring the other person home? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! I wondered if they have ever thought of how trust gets broken between couples. How can any man expect a woman to trust him whenever he steps out of the house if she knows there's another woman around the corner? They even went further to say if a man is texting another woman, it doesn't mean he has feelings for her. Oh? That's new....

Cheating seems to be fast becoming a norm; and for some reason, many men seem to believe that they have a right to cheat. Women of course do not possess such rights. Cheating for a woman is not just frowned upon, it is an abomination. Of course, fighting for gender equality does not ease the tension around cheating; it is supposedly a right for men, and an abomination for women so women ought not be bothered if their men cheat.  My stand? It is not a right for anyone to cheat! It destroys trust, it is a form of emotional abuse, it is a form of suppression in marriage, and it creates ultimate unhappiness. 

The fact that the other woman is not in the house or she's simply limited to Whatsapp does not mean she doesn't pose a threat to a happy union. Men and women should understand that marriage/courtship is exclusive, and trust should always be the foundation of such relationships. Believing you  can make a fool of your partner by cheating is a sign of immaturity, an act of abuse and shows a general lack of sincerity in the relationship. If you still believe in playing the field, perhaps you should stay single.

Getting Married: What's Age Got To Do With It?

I had an argument today with a friend, he was trying to justify the high divorce rates in the present times to the couple’s relative youthfulness and a woman’s reluctance to understand that men are natural cheats.

According to him, an older guy will be more discreet in his affairs compared to a younger one. He further stated that an older girl will be more matured in dealing with her husband’s infidelity (You know how I feel about this position and it has nothing to do with being a woman. You can read here). In short, he felt older couples handle situations better.

While I agree that maturity has a very important role to play in today’s successful marriages, I refuse to agree such maturity only comes with age. Being a young person doesn’t mean one is blinded or too incapacitated to make the right choices. I have been privileged to meet young purposeful men and also older guys that were just being pushed about by whatever life drops in their laps.

A child on the street can definitely tell more about the hard knocks of life compared to a man that grew up within a decent family. All I am trying to say is if you are being asked out by a 26 year old and a 34 year old guy and you are of a marriageable age, what you really need to look at is the way they handle things. Maturity only comes with experience and experience is not necessarily a factor of age.

What you are looking for is a man that can hold his own. He needs to have a stable source of income or other means through which you are sure you wouldn’t be caught up in a financial mess in the future. A man that runs to his mum every time there is an issue between you two is not who you are looking for.

Moreso, growing up with another counts for something. You are not just lovers, you are friends. Not every young man is clueless and not every old one is ready.

Age in this situation could really be just a number. I know you know better than pressuring a 21 year old boy or an 18 year old girl into marriage. I am writing this bearing in mind those in the mid 20s.

I would love to read your thoughts however, what do you think the right age should be for a guy and for a girl? Do you also think being young automatically translates to immaturity?

Photo Credit:realitycheckgirlmagazine.com

Fun Things To Do When Single

I have this beautiful friend that inspires me so much. Her happy attitude and smiles are so contagious and it is hard to be my introverted self around her. She looks so at peace with herself that I sometimes wish for such tranquility. She is in the marriageable age now (I wonder why I had to type that. maybe I am just typing like a member of the society might put it) and if there is anything I know it is how much she doesn’t live all her life hanging on that singular fact. I could write thousands of words trying to describe her and her wonderful attitude but then the intention of this post would be lost on you.

I was a serial dater at some point in my life and nothing scared me as much as the feeling of being alone. I probably might have denied it at that point but in retrospect, I know I had a problem. I have as many married friends as I have single ones and if there is any lesson learnt, it is how much I know one’s marital status doesn’t decide one’s happiness.

Being single shouldn’t be seen as a plague. There is so much to life other than that. Marrying another person is not what completes your happiness, it only complements it my dear. So why you are still single, here are some things you could be doing instead of brooding over a situation that is definitely going to change.

Travel honey; if you can afford it, please travel and enjoy the beauty that every new place has. It needs not to be outside the country, you can do inter states. Enjoy trying new foods and courting new friends.

Work Out: Gyms are a nice place to network, asides from that you owe yourself that banging body. Exercising daily makes you healthy and happy from inside out. Instead of getting all bitter and angry, sweat it out love. Enjoy your freedom.

Get more certificates, improve yourself generally. You have the time now before kids and husband start weighing on your time. Get more skills, they might come in handy later.

Be involved in church activities, societal volunteer jobs and the likes. Interacting with different people is great for everyone’s mental health single or married.

Live life and enjoy discovering all the fun things you can do all by yourself. Being single is not a disease. Don't be distracted by all that Facebook and Instagram posts. Bask in the freedom that comes with this period of your life.

 Photo Credit:PattyBrisben.com