Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Holding Off Kids For Career's Sake

There are times I really want to know how exactly happiness is measured. We all keep going round and round trying to fill up the holes in our lives with the utmost goal of being happy. I have a friend that just wants to meet a rich man to marry and bear kids. That is her lifelong desire and aspiration. While this might seem ridiculous and incomprehensible to another, it doesn’t stop it from being a goal. If you ask another person, you’d likely hear something totally different. We are members of same race but totally different in our ways which informs the disparity in our choices.
Like I said earlier, our aspirations might be different but there are some things that come with the natural flow of life. As a woman, it is expected that one gets married at some point and bear children, this aligns with the principle of procreation. However, there are instances where the woman decides to hold off marriage for education or career purpose or decides to hold off giving birth for the same purposes mentioned earlier even after getting married. At times, those in the entertainment business hold off because they don’t want anything to mess with their physical appearance or they don’t want to lose momentum on their career growth.

I love when a woman holds her own and puts her foot down in decision making that changes so many lives. It is thrilling to see a woman in all those high offices that used to be marked with ‘men’ and even more exciting to see that they have been able to strike a balance. Different profession requires different approaches and it is easy to become a slave to one’s career without one knowing.

This is where I ask if it is alright to make such decisions? Should one hold off kids for career pursuit?

However way one views it, you’d agree career pursuit is premised on the quest for relevance.My opinion is that much as happiness is a desired end for all of us, its translation to each person is different. I would also love to state that one shouldn’t be selfish in one’s search for happiness. Having a great career is an advantage and lots of people might respect one widely for one’s achievements but work can’t fill the void of a family or children. When one’s bones are tired and the crowd desire more youthful hands and faces, it will seem like a misplaced priority. If one plans well, it is very possible to have a decent career alongside kids and husband. You need not go down the extreme road, your certificates stop being useful to anyone else the moment you breathe your last but the kids would live after you and celebrate the life you lived long after you are gone.

I will love to read your thoughts on this. Kindly drop your comments in the box below.

Photo Credit: babcare.com


  1. I really do not know if this is the right place to post this, as I am not in the right frame of mind.

    I am married to a fantastic man whom I love and I am sure loves me too. Our maarriage is going on 2 years and we are blessed with 2 kids.

    Now I am at a point I feel I am not cut out for marriage or motherhood. I had to resign my job when I had my 1st child as the pay wasn't so.much and I was still having all those new mum feelings of wanting to vbe there for my child and to take care of him myself. After a short while., I got another contract job, which I had to resign when I was close to delivery as my contract had no provision for maternity. However, I had the opportunity to go.back to the job when Ny baby was 3 months but I turned it down as the job schedule was shift, which ssometimes would have me return home by 10pm.
    I do not have a nanny or help as hubby is against it and I also I'm a bit skeptically about it. I have no family staying close by to help out, so I decided to do it Myself, afterall they are my children.

    Now, the main issue is I feel trapped, liked I am in a place I do not want to be, I have wanted to start a business with my husband support of course, but truth is I am not business savvy, I am more of a.career person than a business person. My husband is so very busy, he is currentlying doing 2 jobs. Not because the first job cant pay our bills, but because he cannot stay idle for a minute. I really sk not know how to explain this. He comes home like 10:30pm weekdays, Saturdays he is not home, pursuing one business or the other or trying to keep up with his contacts. Sundays he id off to church in the morning and attends church meeting till afternoon and then goes out from there. I can say as a matter of fact that for the past one year or more, his staying at home on one day of the weekend is usually unplanned, I.e it is as a result of his plan to go out not working, either the person he is to see cancels or a change of plan. I cannot remember when or how many times we attended service together on a Sunday morning last.

    In all this my husband is s wonderful provider and a good man. I guess I am just tired and feeling alone and stuck with the children. No me time, cant move on. And he has everything going for him, in terms of aspirations, career, children, which I am happy for him for cos I want him to progress. While I am just here stuck!

    Am I being selfish?

    1. Our marriage is going on 4 years I meant


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