Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Is He Very Loving Or Just Insecure

I can hear a man’s voice in the background, I thought you said you’re home alone.
That’s my dad, he just came in.
Are you sure? Give him the phone, I want to say hello.

Does this sound familiar to you? Or have you ever had to explain that the reason why you couldn’t pick a particular call was because it was 2am at night and you were knocked out from the day’s event, but you were still made the villain because your partner thinks you might have been with another man/woman. Have you had to explain through clenched teeth that the male voice in the background is your brother’s or have you made enemies of your old friends because your boyfriend perceives they are bad influences.

I was once in a relationship where I needed to keep the guy I was seeing up to date on everything I do. When I say everything, I mean everything. I silently bore all sorts of ridiculous allegations because I felt he was going to come around and he‘d understand just how much I loved him. Turned out I could have been waiting forever.

Love has to be one of the most misconstrued concepts. A teenage girl might think she is in love with a man just because he has a ripped body or his accents are to die for. Lots of people think love is all about the butterflies in one’s belly at the sight of another. Love is not all those controlling unhealthy feelings some people share. It is that pure selfless feeling when two souls meet and are able to find friendship even after passion.
 Love is great when mixed with a little dose of jealousy. We naturally want to guard what is ours and it is fascinating to know someone else could be losing sleep over you (I mean this in a good way). However nothing hurts like trying to explain to an over possessive lover how committed you are to them over and over again. They don’t just get it, it is like trying to explain laws of Physics to a 2year old child.

It is easy to be caught up in this kind of relationship and still stay back in such relationships despite the mental, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. You blame yourself sometimes for the fault of your partners telling yourself you should be less outgoing just to prove the point that you are faithful. He controls every aspect of your life, he has the passwords to all your social media accounts and even cloned your sim card so he can monitor your calls and you still think it is normal.

If you are caught in a situation such as this, you need to admit the truth to yourself and spell it out as what it is. You are in a controlling unhealthy relationship and something needs to be done fast. I know you probably tell yourself he loves you but honey , if you don’t act fast, you will come out of that relationship with nothing left of your self-esteem.

You are no psychologist, stop trying to sort out personality issues where your feelings are involved, if you are going to play doctor, then take a break from the relationship while you iron out your differences.

It is not as easy as I made it sound but we are going to discuss how one can deal with an insecure partner in my subsequent posts.

For now, don’t be caught up in an unhealthy relationship masked as a loving one. You need to address it.

Have a great day.

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