When He Marries Someone Else...

Over the weekend, someone reached out to me with the question "how do you get over a boyfriend who suddenly gets married to someone else?" 

I thought it funny that someone would ask me that. Does it show that I have been through it? If it doesn't, I'll tell you now that I have so I know that 'hit by a train and dragged for miles' feeling that comes with it. How do you get over that brokenness that you feel so deep within you? How do you explain how you feel to others because you really can't even explain it yourself? How do you move on when all you can remember is the many times he said "I love you", and you believed it, not knowing that he would be saying '"I do" to someone else?

I'll give you three simple yet harsh realizations that worked for me.

#1 Understand that his decision is not based on something you did or did not do: Except you poisoned his mother, shot his dog point blank, or cheated on him, there is nothing you can possibly do to a guy who loves you that will cause him to rush into marriage with someone else. Many women tend to blame themselves when the men they trusted and built a life with in their heads end up walking down the aisle with someone else. They tend to believe they didn't prove they were worth marrying; they didn't' try hard enough, didn't cook often enough, didn't clean well enough, didn't give him enough chances... the list goes on. No my dear. You tried enough, you were your perfect lovely self, and you were a delight. The fact is that he just did not want to marry you, and that is absolutely not your fault.

Should Christians Be Poor?

I understand this is a very controversial subject to discuss. The opinions on the subject are often at loggerheads, and I have seen hot steaming debates stem from this issue. It is a big question to consider at a time where many pastors spend their sermons boasting about their designer watches and shoes, and the number of private jets they have. It is a question to consider at a time where many church congregants are more concerned about seeing what the pastor's wife's outfit than they are about understanding the sermon and its application to their lives.

Should christians be poor? I'll just share my opinion on the subject matter and I hope you share yours in the comments.

theimaginativeconservative.org

When the issue of serving God and having money comes up, many people refer to Matthew 19 where Jesus told the rich man to sell all his possessions and follow him. This in the literal sense indicates that Jesus wanted the rich man to be poor, hence he desires that all his followers should be poor. I beg to differ.

The bible makes it clear that we cannot serve God and money (Luke 16:13); but the bible does not say we cannot have both God and money. The bible emphasizes the need for us to understand that money is not a god that we should serve; money is not the almighty; money cannot do all things. God is the only one we ought to serve; God is the only one who can do ALL things; God is the only one worth serving, and we can use our money to serve God.  

Long Distance Relationships: Do They Really Work?

I have heard many long distance relationship testimonies, and I have also heard many heartbreaking stories about long distance. Even I have a few of my own to share, but that's for another post, another day.

Back in the day, long distance was cute. People who went into it seemed to be encouraged and most of them ended up with a real depiction of 'happily ever after'. These days, the thought of a long distance relationship is enough to initiate a panic attack in almost anyone. People even stare at you like you are being absolutely ludicrous when you tell them you are planning to go into a long distance relationship. 

The big question everyone asks is "do long distance relationships still work?"

coupletherapyinc.com

That of course should not be the question; the question you should be asking is if you and your partner can handle it. The decision to go into a long distance relationship should not be dependent solely on emotions, or butterflies in the tummy because those will wear off at some point. The biggest factor to consider is the maturity of you and your partner, and the mutual willingness to commit to the long-distance process.

What's All the Fuss About the First Date Anyway?

theprofessionalwingman.com

I have always been of the opinion that the first date is the most important date you'll ever have with anyone. It can be a deal-breaker, or a bridge-builder. But it appears many people do not see the importance of  a first date, or some people are just too caught up in their schemes to care about how significant this date is. 

The first date is where you get to know the other person outside of work, school, church, or wherever it is that you met them. It is your opportunity to either make a good impression or a terrible one (believe it or not, you will make some sort of impression on the first date). The first date is where your etiquette needs to be on point... like 110% on point. The first date is not where you belch loudly at the table or fart continuously in a bid to show a person how real you are. Yeah, it sounds all cute, but it is also too personal for a first date, and definitely not endearing. No, no , no. 

Here are few things you should and should not do on a first date

#1 Don't go with your friends: Except it is a double date, which a first date shouldn't be, you have absolutely no reason to take your friends with you. No, that is not the kind of support you need. I have heard of women who go to their dates with their friends in  a bid to understand the depth of the man's wallet. This is an absolute NO NO. Will buying you and your girlfriends lunch tell you how deep his pockets are? This mentality is very myopic, and is characteristic of women who are simply out to 'chop and run'. No wonder they fall into the hands of the men who want to 'chop and clean mouth'. 

#2 Don't go with the mentality of 'hitting it': If the only reason you are going on the date is to see if you'll end up in bed together, you might as well hire a prostitute for the evening and get your groove on. From conversations, I know most men are only willing to go on a date if they know sex is on the table. If that is all you are focused on, forget the date, forget about getting to know the person. Dates are not for scoring to massage your ego. The first date goes  a lot deeper that. 

#3 Don't show up unkempt, or improperly dressed: Unshaven face, unclean hair, soiled clothes, crumpled shirts? Leave all that behind. Be well-dressed as suited to the venue of your date. No sweaty clothes, no funny odors, no saggy pants, no masquerade-like makeup. No. Please keep it simple and classy. Afterall, you are meeting this person for the very first time. 

#4 'Up' the conversation skills: A first date, or any date at all is not about you pretending to be an ice block while the other person works hard to thaw you. No. A first date is where you should let the conversation flow so you can learn as much as you can about the other person. This does not mean you should talk nonstop and only keep quiet when you stop for air. Ask questions, let the conversation be an exchange, rather than a narration

#5 Keep your etiquette in check: You've asked a lady out on  a date? pick up the bill! Arrive on time. Speak politely. Smile, pay compliments, you can show up with  a bouquet of flowers, or some chocolates... something to say you have been thinking of the date and you're excited it's happening. And oh! Don't check your phone. That's just downright rude! 

Above all, if you are the one doing the inviting, plan the date. Plan it to the T. Plan it to perfection. Create the right ambience, and you might just set the stage for an awesome person to be part of your life. 

For Better, For Worse and NOT FOR GRANTED

It’s a norm we are all becoming used to… the fact that after a while the spark dies out in many marriages, and some people begin to devalue their spouses. It is fast becoming a norm that after a while, people seek excitement elsewhere because they just can’t create a spark that will light the fire of excitement in their own marriages. It is true in many cases that people take their spouses for granted after a while; appreciation and admiration fly out the window, while complacency and an uncouth attitude set in. No wonder many marriages feel like hard work. No wonder many marriages feel like necessary evils. No wonder many people see marriage as a duty that must be fulfilled, rather than a journey that must be enjoyed.

awakeningcharlotte.com

If you want the spark in your marriage to last, you must be willing to consciously keep the spark alive by not taking your spouse for granted under any circumstances. Spontaneously serve breakfast in bed; explore new movies and shows together; try new things together; always appreciate the little things your spouse does even if it is his or her duty. In so many homes, appreciation is only reserved for gifts exchanged during special occasions. Couples do not appreciate each other for being a strong pillar to rely on; couples hardly praise each other’s strengths; couples hardly offer words of affirmation or acts of service. As far as they are concerned, marriage is an organization where each person must fulfill his/her duty and not complain about it, no matter how burdensome it may be.

Marriage has become hard work, because the real essence of marriage has been lost in societal definitions of achievement. Marriage is a journey two people embark on TOGETHER where they overcome obstacles together, win quests together, cry together, laugh together and plan together. Marriage is a partnership, not some kind of military organization where a personal relationship is lost. The partnership cannot survive if both partners take each other for granted. If you’ve taken your partner for granted, it’s not too late to turn around today and start showing him/her that you genuinely care.

Married and Just Discovered You Have HIV: Should You Tell Your Spouse?

HIV is not a death sentence… only when it is properly dealt with. It is alarmingly that there are many HIV positive individuals living with their spouses, yet their spouses are unaware of their HIV status. Many people have lied, some have faked HIV test results , and some have simply decided to go the easy route – keep quiet and act like nothing has changed.

neighbourhooduu.org

The fear of being left alone to deal with your problem can be a motivating factor for lying or keeping silent, but should it overwhelm your sense of humanity, and the need to keep your partner safe?

If you have recently discovered you have HIV, silence is not the way to go. Using your anti-retroviral drugs in secret while your spouse is exposed to the virus is not the way to go. Faking your test results is not the way to go.. In fact, if you have been dishonest all through your marriage, this is the one time you should bravely embrace honesty. This is the one time you should sit down and have a frank conversation with your spouse. Yes, tell your spouse you are HIV positive. This is not some sanctimonious act so you can make it to heave; it is the moral thing to do.

I find it so unfair that many married people are HIV positive, are on anti-retroviral drugs, yet their spouses have no knowledge of their condition. They have unprotected sex with their spouses and go about their daily lives like they are not knowingly transmitting a deadly virus. It is absolutely wrong. Tell your partner! And don't just tell, make sure your partner gets tested!

It is unacceptable for you to look out for your health while you feed your spouse with the medicine of death. Yes, your spouse might decide the marriage is over; sure, your spouse might leave but even the fear of that should not prevent you from telling the truth.

Call a meeting with the family elders if you have to; if you’d rather it be a private discussion between you and your spouse, go for it. You should tell! You must tell! If not for anything, for the fact that you love your partner enough to not be the reason for his or her untimely death. XOXO

A letter to the Systems Analyst, Marriage Software Division

This is what a guy wrote to a Systems Analyst -
(Marriage Software Division);

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and "Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

Yours faithfully,

Customer

Here is the Response.....