Will He Ever Marry Me?

Image via www.strologer.com

Have you ever been in one of those relationships where you look forward to your birthdays, anniversary dates and every other date night just hoping the waiter would come in with that mysterious smile that tells of a surprise (you have been expecting?).  Do you find yourself hanging on every word your partner says hoping he might drop a clue about settling down in the middle of your conversations? Have you cleaned, cooked, given your body, given your money, and there is still no ring in sight? Have you found yourself following all the steps suggested by a relationship expert on how to get him to propose and there is still no change in your situation? How long have you had to wonder if your relationship was ever going to be ready for the next level?

Do you ask yourself if the one you have been dating for years will ever marry you?

Well, you might just be hung on the wrong person and it is about time you make a quick decision.

See,we all love for love to be all we dream it to be. We desire for things to work out exactly the way we envision them but more often than not we have had to accept that not everything works out in a particular way. Not all those we love would love us back same way and vice versa.

To be fair, you need to understand things from a man’s perspective. There are a number of reasons why a man might not feel ready yet;

·         He doesn’t feel matured enough- Maturity isn’t always about age but sometimes it is too. A twenty five year old man with a well-paying job and stable life might still feel like he needs to experiment a little, thus, making it hard for him to consider marriage.

·         He has commitment issues- Marriage is downright scary for some men and it takes a lot for them to be able to face their devil. This kind of man can give you an engage you for years

·         He is not financially stable- Men feel the need to be able to cater for their family and he might not propose or take it further if he isn’t there yet

·         He already gets all the marriage privileges with you- You cook,clean,give your body and do every other thing a wife does, the only thing missing is a ring. Why go through the rigors of a wedding when he can get all he wants without committing?

Bearing the above reasons why a man might not feel ready in mind, you might want to reconsider your decision to stay back in your relationship especially if the man is matured and financially buoyant or if you have feel like your priorities are not aligned. There is a huge chance that he doesn’t feel you are the one. It might be a hard decision to take but you need to move on.

You shouldn’t have to beg or coerce someone into making such an important decision. If you push for too long, you might end with a ring but still be left with a deep void within you and the knowing that something just doesn’t feel right.

I know lots of women feel validated by proposals and marriages but really the underlying story has to be about two people in love and committed to staying in love. Don’t be so transfixed on getting a man to propose or marry you that you drop all your standards and ignore every dangerous sign. Feeling he is the one doesn’t make him the one, love will happen for you at the right time.

Save yourself more wasted years, move on if he wouldn't commit.

Why Men are More Likely To Marry the Wrong Partner

Generally speaking, there are many good women, with great character attributes, good achievements and a healthy dose of humility who are still single and on the lookout for their husbands. For some reason, many of the women who are rude, arrogant, disrespectful, untidy, and whatever else you can come up with are married to men who are looking for the nearest cliff to jump off of. It makes you wonder how the world works, doesn’t it? Well, there is no need for an indepth scientific analysis of the male brain; my theory is pretty simple. 

After a relationship bites the dust, most women take some time to reflect on what went wrong, why it went wrong, what they did wrong, how they could have salvaged situations etc. Basically, women go through a mourning period for their relationships, and tend to over-analyze everything till they’ve gone full circle through the emotions of anger, surprise, self-blame, blame on others, chronic sadness, and at the brink of depression, get pulled back by the realization that they cannot change things that have happened, and if things were meant to be, they’d work out somehow. For many men, that is not the case. The idea of mourning a relationship and analyzing or over-thinking is not really a male characteristic. An advert I watched on TV once said the male brain is made of many wires but none of the wires are connected to each other, hence every event in a man’s life stands in isolation and is not emotionally attached to anything else.

Keep Calm and Pack Your Bags!

Some women swear by abuse as a necessity in marriage. They often describe it as an expression of love from their husbands. To them, it is a classic case of spoiling the rod and sparing the child, with them assuming the status of the child of course, while their husbands take the position of a parent. In other words, when they step out of line, they happily receive their due punishment in the form of slaps, punches, kicks, and whatever else their ‘parent’ husband believes will help them understand their actions were undesirable and should never be repeated. If you are one of such women, reading this post, now may be the time to start seeing a life coach. 

ahchealthenews.com

There is a dogma amongst some women that if they were disciplined by their parents as children, there is nothing wrong with being disciplined by their husbands. Afterall, parents correct with love, why can’t husbands do the same? This is the reason many women fall into the cycle of abuse and never make it out alive. Some of those who make it out alive are scarred for life, physically, emotionally and psychologically. Some women never leave. They stay and endure it all as they believe women should. They endure the battering, the condescending talks and the constant feeling of walking on eggshells. Such women age, and become gracious recipients of ‘retirement from abuse’ simply because their husbands become too tired to raise their hands at them. Again, if you’re one of these women, it is time to see a life coach. Send me an email!

Making Your Marriage Work During The Social Media Age: Eight Rules To Abide By

I am a Google addict, most of us are. It is so hard not to rely on it and other powerful internet search engines seeing as there is a big library of resources online. There are answers to anything and everything, I could be having a bad day and google ‘why am I having a bad day’ or why is the sky so blue today?’

Not to make light of it, I am just trying to point out how vast and totally random the questions we ask are. One really can’t deny the truth in some of the materials one finds, but many times too, one has to be guided as most of the materials are opinions of other people.

Marriages and perhaps relationships enjoyed more exclusiveness before the advent of social media and the internet generally. There was arguably more dedication from the lovers as there were not so many distractions such as we have now. There were not so many ‘lists’ to check against to measure one’s lover’s dedication or otherwise.

Are You Desperate for Children?

mvymca.org

After the wedding, children are automatically the next stop for many couples. Many people want children because they are eager to start a family, while others want children because it seems like the next thing to do. It doesn't help when family members start raising eyebrows at a newly wed woman's flat tummy, or when they start wondering when she'll switch her high heels for flat slippers in order to responsibly carry her bundle of joy. It doesn't help when friends post pictures of their newborns on instagram and facebook, and it all comes to a head when people start to taunt wives about their inability to have children. All of these external factors can build up to internal chaos in any woman and often leads to a desperation for children. 

For many married women, the pressure is from within their very homes; their husbands cannot understand why they are yet to conceive after countless hours of dedicated love-making. Whenever an argument is about to get out of hand, these women are silenced by the shattering words no woman wants to hear - "You cannot have children." 

Lack of children in a marriage can be very distressing for a woman, especially if her husband doesn't have the right attitude during the waiting process. I found it rather interesting when I read Hannah's story this morning in 1 Samuel chapter one. From verse 6 to 8, it was reported that Hannah's rival Peninnah taunted her so much, Hannah often broke down in tears, but her husband Elkanah always said to her "why are you weeping? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" 

I was very touched by this description of Elkanah; it showed very clearly the power of partnership in marriage, and the attitude a spouse should possess while waiting on God for the fruit of the womb. Elkanah's love for Hannah was not dependent on whether or not she could have children, he was with her because he sincerely loved her. When the world was taunting her, he stood in her corner and supported her. 

Fertility is a big issue, and more often than not, it is not anyone's fault. We cannot control the fertility defects we may have to deal with, but we can trust that God will hear our prayers. Elkanah stood by Hannah. he made her understand he married her because he loved her. He did not let the noise from outsiders decide his actions towards his wife. He did not let the fact that he had other children by Peninnah cause him to ignore Hannah. He did not focus on the fact that he could get another wife if he wanted; he focused on Hannah and stood by her side as a rock, often reminding her that his love for her was more than what ten sons could give. The bible did not mention it, but I would like to believe that support motivated Hannah to pray to God. It is more difficult to pray when there is no one in your corner, when there is no one cheering you on, when there is no one loving you in spite of your perceived shortcomings. 

What is your attitude as you wait on the fruit of the womb? Are you bashing your wife for her insecurities? Are you speaking in a condescending manner to your husband because of his low sperm count? Are you using words as swords to tear each other apart? No breakthrough will come from that! Start working together! Start supporting each other! Start praying together! Be the pillar of support your spouse needs! God in due time will fetch water with a basket, just to show the bucket He's God! Don't relent in support, in prayer and in faith! XOXO

Marital SEX: What Is Off Limits?

The world has become overly sexualized and the line between what is right and what is perverse has been seriously blurred. The average Christian seeks to hold his sanity in a world where everything can be excused away. There is a new wave of rebranding sin and making sin only about what we morally suppose sin is and not what the bible says. Not to be found wanting , many Christians seek answers to some questions bordering on sex.

Sex is a big part of our lives that is mostly associated with sin and some very pious Christians might argue that God only created sex for procreation. Such people think trying different sex postures on the marital bed different from the traditional style is stretching the limits.

How sex ought to be conducted is not expressly stated in the bible but one can draw conclusions from all the many verses where it’s discussed.

We all are clear on what the bible says about fornication,adultery and bestiality. What seems to be the bone of contention is what is acceptable on the marital bed whether some form of sex is off limit on the marital bed. Can one become overly expressive while having sex with one’s spouse? Are there rules one has to diligently follow?

What's Your Motivation?

A few weeks ago, I was having a discussion with a lady who wanted my advice. We discussed relationships, and she boldly proclaimed she'd be pregnant and married by next year. Oh? How was she so sure, I asked. She proceeded to tell me she was seeing a guy from her former work place. I prodded a bit more and asked about how he treats her, did he have any plans for her birthday? who initiates the time they spend together etc. 

She told me very clearly that he was not the type to make plans for her birthday and she always initiated time spent together. OK... we were getting somewhere. "Why then do you plan to have his child and marry him if he makes no effort?" She shrugged and said nothing for a while. I changed the subject and asked about her work and her co-workers (past and present), and that's when it came out "They will be so surprised when I marry him. They will be completely shocked because they are not expecting me to get a guy like that." Ah...finally! It became very clear.