Sunday, October 18, 2015

Are You Desperate for Children?

After the wedding, children are automatically the next stop for many couples. Many people want children because they are eager to start a family, while others want children because it seems like the next thing to do. It doesn't help when family members start raising eyebrows at a newly wed woman's flat tummy, or when they start wondering when she'll switch her high heels for flat slippers in order to responsibly carry her bundle of joy. It doesn't help when friends post pictures of their newborns on instagram and facebook, and it all comes to a head when people start to taunt wives about their inability to have children. All of these external factors can build up to internal chaos in any woman and often leads to a desperation for children. 

For many married women, the pressure is from within their very homes; their husbands cannot understand why they are yet to conceive after countless hours of dedicated love-making. Whenever an argument is about to get out of hand, these women are silenced by the shattering words no woman wants to hear - "You cannot have children." 

Lack of children in a marriage can be very distressing for a woman, especially if her husband doesn't have the right attitude during the waiting process. I found it rather interesting when I read Hannah's story this morning in 1 Samuel chapter one. From verse 6 to 8, it was reported that Hannah's rival Peninnah taunted her so much, Hannah often broke down in tears, but her husband Elkanah always said to her "why are you weeping? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" 

I was very touched by this description of Elkanah; it showed very clearly the power of partnership in marriage, and the attitude a spouse should possess while waiting on God for the fruit of the womb. Elkanah's love for Hannah was not dependent on whether or not she could have children, he was with her because he sincerely loved her. When the world was taunting her, he stood in her corner and supported her. 

Fertility is a big issue, and more often than not, it is not anyone's fault. We cannot control the fertility defects we may have to deal with, but we can trust that God will hear our prayers. Elkanah stood by Hannah. he made her understand he married her because he loved her. He did not let the noise from outsiders decide his actions towards his wife. He did not let the fact that he had other children by Peninnah cause him to ignore Hannah. He did not focus on the fact that he could get another wife if he wanted; he focused on Hannah and stood by her side as a rock, often reminding her that his love for her was more than what ten sons could give. The bible did not mention it, but I would like to believe that support motivated Hannah to pray to God. It is more difficult to pray when there is no one in your corner, when there is no one cheering you on, when there is no one loving you in spite of your perceived shortcomings. 

What is your attitude as you wait on the fruit of the womb? Are you bashing your wife for her insecurities? Are you speaking in a condescending manner to your husband because of his low sperm count? Are you using words as swords to tear each other apart? No breakthrough will come from that! Start working together! Start supporting each other! Start praying together! Be the pillar of support your spouse needs! God in due time will fetch water with a basket, just to show the bucket He's God! Don't relent in support, in prayer and in faith! XOXO

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