Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Should You Say NO to Your Husband's Sexual Advances?

It is a very common belief among women that a husband's sexual advances must never be reject irrespective of the circumstances. Very often, this piece of advice is transferred to single women from married women who have seen and heard it all, hence know what the cons of such actions are. 

Even amongst my friends, I have often heard the phrase "whenever he wants it, you must give it to him", and often times I raised my eyebrows in silence and promised to ponder over it. This advice is often followed by a well-veiled threat many women absorb without even knowing it "If you refuse to give it to him, he will go elsewhere." Well, that clears it up, doesn't it? 

Sex is an important part of marriage, no doubt about that. If you are married and not having sex, you might as well be best buddies sharing an apartment and a bed due to financial constraints. The question however is whether you'd be in the mood for sex everyday, or everytime your partner is in the mood for it. Probably not. Sex does not happen by flicking on a switch whenever you feel like it. Sometimes, psychological battles can dampen your mood and push sex to the end of your list of priorities. So what happens if your husband wants sex, and you don't feel like it? Can you say no? Yes! 
I find it odd that women see themselves as sex slaves who must always give in to sexual advances whenever their husbands demand it. Don't get me wrong here; I am not saying you should go for months without having sex. I am not saying you should let your low libido stand in the way of having sex with your partner. If you have a low libido, speak to a professional and get the right help. If however you don't feel like it because you are tired, unhappy, just had a fight with hubby that you are yet to get over, or simply just have so much on your mind, the thought of sex is like additional stress, then you should be able to say no. 

Marriage is a partnership, and an understanding partner is probably one of the best blessings you can ask for. You should not be expected to have sex after a heated argument, or after a long hard day on your feet! You should not feel threatened if you don't want to have sex either. If you're being threatened with extra-marital affairs because you refuse to give it up, it is because he's already cheating or has his sights on someone, and just wants the perfect excuse, or the winning card for the blame game. 
Sex should not be magnified into some kind of duty. It is a show of affection between two people and is designed to be enjoyed by both parties! Your purpose in terms of sex is not simply to fulfill your partner's needs even when you are running on empty. As a woman, understand you are not just a tool for pleasure. You can say no when you are not in the mood, and if you're being threatened with extra-marital affairs, it's time to go for counselling. XOXO

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