Friday, March 15, 2013

Misconceptions About Marriage

Dreamy singles think it will make them happy; restless men and women think it will make them feel complete especially when they feel the "Time" has come. Many people hold a lot of misconceptions about marriage. The following are the five most popular cons that mar marriage.

I won’t be lonely

Being lonely or having company has nothing to do with getting married. Many loners remain so even after marriage. A long-suffering woman shared her woes, she said that though she was married, she was always lonely. “I never felt that we shared anything. When I spoke, he heard but never listened. On holidays, I never felt that we were together.” Those who are lonely and feel that marriage will be a solution, need to analyse and identify what they are really feeling.

Frequent passionate sex

The frequency and duration of sexual desire is dependent on libido, compatibility and harmony between both partners. Many partners, who have a deep-seated resentment for each other and are constantly bickering, are not engaging in frequent intimacy. Maybe they assume that marriage would satisfy their sexual needs, but given the nature of women especially, that only happens when other factors are in place. 

My money problems are over

This is quite an unrealistic thought, as increasingly, more couples realise that marriage does not mean financial security. Women in particular realise that the lifestyle and aspirations one has call for both spouses to generate income and pool resources. Financial security is not assured if you are not taking care of it yourself; the resultant disappointment from these needs not being discussed has the potential of making the other spouse feel resentful of being considered a meal ticket.

Big happy family

We buy them gifts, memorise birthdays, listen to stories about the war, its obvious that most of us are conditioned to win over the love and affection of the in-laws. We bend over backwards, expect to be loved immediately and are baffled when the feeling is not reciprocated. The biological imperative of birthing gives rise to a lot of unconditional love and acceptance which is hormonally absent in in-laws. So it is advised to give respect, love and attention, but don’t expect much in return-at least not right away.

Kids can fix it

Children do inrtroduce a lot of joy to a marriage but if the couple are constantly at each-others necks they will never notice. The way Junior crosses his arms just like daddy might even bring despair and a new tooth might just be a new tooth and not a source of mini celebration. Many people think that adding a child to a difficult marriage will help ease the tension. In reality, the child will only put a further strain on the union. Parenthood should be a well-thought out decision considering aspects such as – Are we ready? Do we agree on core values?

Ijeoma Dibor

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