Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Guidelines For Courtship

I used to feel the term "Courtship" was an old fashioned way of describing "Dating". Today the term is mostly relegated to Christian relationships, the advantage of this is that it is clearer that courtship is not just a case of boy meets girl, they kiss and fall in love blah, blah, blah. It is distinctly the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage and establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind.
  1. Marriage: Courtship doesn't have to develop into marriage because a couple can decide they are not for each other and simply remain friends, which is perfectly OK.
  2. Movies: Hollywood movies, Nollywood movies and Bollywood movies are just what they are "Movies" entertainment and not a guideline for how things play out in the real world. A movie or motion picture, is a series of still images on a strip of plastic which, when run through a projector and shown on a screen, creates the illusion of moving images. The distinction between this and real life should always be a clear one.
  3. Serial dating: Courtship will not happen many times in your life, assuming you are approaching relationships from a healthy perspective. Remember, courtship is where you are exploring a deeper relationship with marriage being the goal. So, you will not be doing this often if you approach the dating stage with healthy boundaries.
  4. Dating is a temporary place and should be a safe place for getting to know someone. Courting is for a loving and secure relationship. This period will help a couple determine if there is true harmony. This refers to whether the different "notes" that emanates from the intending couples form music (harmony) or noise (disharmony). 
  5. Maturity: Courtship is not for the spiritually and emotionally immature.
  6. Sex: is not for courtship. Sex should be a gift of marriage. Human beings whose only desire is to bring joy and happiness to the beloved and not to soil him or her with impure wishes and desires. Sexual instinct, in its healthy state, does not torment men, rather, it is a gift of GOD which finds consummation in unions that are in accord with the laws of GOD. Today, the instinct is diseased and morbid and that is the reason why many a man or woman find it difficult to control. It also the reason why many cannot be in a relationship without harboring open or secret sexual desires. Do read "why should I get married?"
  7. Purpose: Courtship is engaged upon with the goal of having a future spouse.
  8. Self-sufficiency: You should not enter into courtship until you can be happy alone and not attempting to heal emotional wounds through a relationship (rebound guy/girl).
  9. Courtship is a selfless relationship. If you are a selfish person, you should not even have a serious relationship until you are mature enough to share life with someone without seeking to gain something for yourself. (Philippians 2:3)
  10. Bible Man Bible Woman: For the men who are reading this, your focus should be on becoming an Ephesians man. (Ephesians 5:25) for ladies become a Proverbs 31 woman.
  11. If you can’t see yourself marrying the person you are dating, delay the courtship. Only enter into courtship with someone you would consider marrying.
  12. Honesty: Courtship requires the couple to be honest and transparent so both can make an INFORMED choice about life together so avoid hiding your feelings during courtship.
  13. Habits: The habits you form whilst courting will bleed over into your marriage.
  14. Friendship: Courtship is where you should become best friends. We all know the best relationships or marriages happen when couples are best friends.
  15. "AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER" is a feature of fairy tales in the event that the two parties marry, they have only ended one journey in order embarked on another
  16. Discernment: When in courtship take time to pray for discernment of God’s will. No need to rush: 
  17. Accountability: We all are more responsible when we are held accountable for our actions. Make a list together of your resolutions and guidelines for your courtship and give that list to some mentoring couples and accountability partners. These could be your parents, other married couples from Church, friends, roommates, family members. Basically you are looking for people you trust and respect to be able to talk with openly about your relationship. They should be able to ask you at any time how your are doing-if you are keeping your resolutions-and you need to be able to answer them honestly.
  18. Finally, remember it is better to be happily single than to be sadly married.

Ijeoma Olujekun

1 comment:

  1. what is the difference between courtship and dating please?


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