Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Are You Looking To Settle Down? Five Things You Must Consider

To make a pot of traditional Nigerian stew, you need your scotch bonnet, onions and tomatoes plus other condiments, without which the stew will be a total disaster. So also, to have a successful marriage, you need a great deal of love and attraction, among so many other things that make a union a great success. It is very important to note that while the pepper and tomatoes are major ingredients, the overall taste depends greatly on the combination of some other condiments. 

When we meet that special person, we are overtaken by emotions that cause us to believe that there is no mountain too tall to climb or an ocean too deep to swim in for the one we love, and I must confess that that is so empowering and beautiful. Not in a bid to be the bad talebearer but you will need to consider so much more in choosing a life partner. You need to work with your heart and your head so as not to end up in a courtroom citing irreconcilable differences as a ground for divorce or being stuck in an unhappy marriage.

So what are these other considerations one has to make?
Background: Is your spouse to be from a rich or poor background? Does that even matter, you may ask. Well, while this can be subject to an individual’s personality, it still has to be considered since we are a product of our backgrounds because most times they form our ideologies and outlook to life. 

There have been situations where couples break up because one of them finds the other one’s choices outrageous. Had such person given it a deeper thought, he would have known that coming from a place of great affluence, the things he considered as luxurious are basic for his wife. So, for when you think Nollywood is inspiring with her stories of a very rich man picking a girl from the street to settle down with, think about how so different that can be from reality. I am not saying you can’t find a common ground but you shouldn’t bank so much on your feelings or time hoping it will all get sorted. Make deliberate plans on how to address your differences or just don’t get married to yourselves. The consequences may be dire.

Religion: There are people that have been able to work this out and there have been many more that have failed at it. Our beliefs are at the core of who we are. Some women have been fooled into believing that their husbands may get converted to their faith only to discover that they had it wrong. It is hard to overlook the fact that your spouse thinks there is no God while you are one who can’t seem to get over God’s awesomeness.

If you decide to settle with someone with a totally different religious view, you have already set yourself up for many issues that can tear you apart in future, So, please don’t play yourself, also consider your future children. Be careful what you get into.

Kids: You need to discuss if you want kids or not and how many you desire to have. This sounds weird but it is very wrong to assume these things. Not everyone wants kids. Kids are very important so you need to know if who you desire is on the same page with you concerning this. Do you want to have kids as soon as you get married or will you be waiting a few years before you try? How many children do you want? Make your courtship count; get to know as much about whom you plan on spending forever with as you possibly can.

Lifestyle choices: Are you a fit fam? Are you a vegan? Are you attracted to people of certain stature? Do you think your proposed life partner is on board with your lifestyle choices? These things look harmless at first but it can become a reason for resentment when you both are on the extremes. An example is what was discussed in yesterday's post.

Goals: This includes financial goals, career goals, marital goals, In short life goals generally. What are the things you want in life? Are they in line with what your desired partner wants? Is your partner’s pace good enough for you? Can they provide the needed support? Can you support their aspirations too? Are your driven alike? These questions need to be answered before you proceed into marriage. You need to know if your goals are aligned.

Don’t leave your life to chances, these things are very important. It doesn’t matter how long you might have been in a relationship, if you don’t feel settled about these things and you don’t see yourself making a compromise, then don’t proceed. Marriage is a very big deal, divorce shouldn’t be an option you consider or even look forward to. Do the needful, ask the right questions.

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