Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Trust In Relationships - Will You Share Your Passwords With Your Spouse?

Many of us have become so dependent on our smart phones that we can’t seem to function outside it. With all sorts of apps being developed, the reliance on the phones to get us through each day is quite understandable. 

A nightmare can sometimes be in the guise of misplacing one’s phone seeing as it contains so much personal data ranging from bank passwords to social media pages, which explains why we take care of these devices, making sure they are secured with passwords and that they don’t fall into the wrong hands.

Interestingly, this development has also rubbed off on a lot of relationships, strengthening some with its power of securing communication no matter the distance, and breaking some as a result of the vices that can be perpetrated through it.
Married men with cheating wives may never get a hint of their wives’ promiscuity by peeping out of the window to see who dropped them off anymore. There are people that have full blown affairs in different social media inboxes. This might sound like a good case for the snooping wife who wants a decent reason to keep tabs on her upwardly mobile husband. Why?

But if one gives in to all these presumptions that a lot can go wrong, where is the place of trust and mutual respect in marriages and relationships? Or when can one be said to have crossed the line. Is there always going to be justification for the insecure and ever prying spouse?

Trust is very fragile. It takes a lot to earn it but much faster for one to lose it. Trust is very important for a marriage to thrive and for the parties involved to experience true happiness.

It is easy to pay lip service to the whole concept but the application can be such a huge task.

As earlier noted, trust is earned. You cannot make someone else trust you if you give such person reasons not to. For instance, some people get so protective of their phones that they sleep with their phones tucked away in the inner pocket of their nightwear. God forbid their spouse gets access to it. Some even find it hard to receive their calls in the presence of their spouse. Such people are the first to proclaim that they have a right to their privacy which ought to be respected and they also demand for their partners to trust them.Things don't have to be like that.

I am sorry but even a child with all his naïve tendencies will have his doubts about such person.

Transparency encourages trust. If you don’t make the passwords such a big deal or you don’t get so nervous when a notification comes in, perhaps your partner wouldn’t find any reason to question you or demand to go through your cellphone. it can also be that you have dealt with infidelity as a couple marring the trust your partner had in you. Whatever it is, being transparent helps. I am not ruling out that there are natural trouble makers who fish for trouble even when there is none, but this is targeted at the average individual.

Break the walls and discuss your doubts with your partner. If you are insecure, then you need to recognise and own your issues while seeking for ways out of it.

Ultimately, finding the right balance is key. If you are in a new relationship, there is a probability that it may take some time for your partner to be comfortable with being open with you. Don’t be forceful about it, it takes a while to get to that place of trust. Also, being overly protective of one’s devices doesn’t always mean one is cheating, there are some other things that may be going on in your partner’s life that they might not be comfortable to share with you at that moment.

Whatever the situation may be, put in your own quota of making them feel safe with you and this may also translate to them opening up. Seek real friendship within your relationship. Don’t drive yourself crazy with assumptions. If you suspect anything, ask questions. Never get tired of communicating rightly.

If someone breaks your trust, it doesn't make you a fool, it says a lot about the integrity of the other person.

Couples are encouraged to be open with themselves and to remain committed to their vows.

A marriage or relationship without trust is a disaster waiting to happen and no one should have to live with all that edginess.

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