Monday, November 14, 2016

When You And Your Spouse Are Not On The Same Page

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TLC’s my 600 pound life life fascinates me in so many ways. It is hard to imagine that one can allow oneself get so morbidly obese that one could die, but it is the reality of the participants on the show seeking weight loss surgery as their last resort to surviving and living a healthy life. 

Most of them share how they lost control of their appetite for food and find themselves slipping down the path of self-destruction by over feeding on unhealthy food, and leading them to become so dependent on other people to get through their day to day activities. Some of them have to rely on their spouses or children and it is sad to know they are sometimes stuck in a room for years. This leads to a lot of depression resulting from missing out on important family functions and basic social gatherings. Above all these, is the reality that they might die if they didn’t seek help.
Going by all the negative repercussions that are associated with being morbidly obese, I was stunned to watch an episode where one of the spouses of the participants was seriously against his obese wife seeking help. They had met on a fat fetish website which meant that he fell in love with her because of her size. She on the other hand, was on the site hoping to make enough money for a weight loss surgery.

He threw a lot of tantrums, called her names and even tempted her with unhealthy food hoping to make her slip back into her old habits. He couldn’t understand why his wife whom he found attractive in her obese state would want to alter her looks and lifestyle- not even for health purposes. His attitude brings to mind an episode of IDX’s ‘web of lies’ where the husband also couldn’t handle his wife’s lifestyle change. Of course, the couples got into a lot of argument and resentment, ultimately leading to the end of their marriage.

Who was wrong?

The obese wife who is taking steps to save her life or the husband whose sexual fantasies with an overweight woman can no longer find actualization in his wife?

It is tempting to choose sides and apportion blames but even I, know that issues that arise within marital relationships are never solved by trading blames. It is important to acknowledge however that some issues that become escalated in marriages could have been addressed before sealing that bond.

From the moment they got together, something was fundamentally wrong, that is; the man’s physical preference and the woman’s goal to lose weight. Issues concerning lifestyle choices are not to be treated lightly. They are as important as religion, background and other important things people consider before they settle down. While it might seem unfair that the husband earlier mentioned is unsupportive and callous, there is the need to also consider his feelings and sexual preference which if the woman had deeply considered might have saved the unpleasant end.

On the other hand, her health was on the line and it ought to have been good enough reason for her husband to be more supportive, but this is where compromise comes in.Marriage is for the good and the bad times and long as couples approach their issues with the right attitude, they are bound to have less problem resolving their individual differences. Even minor issues can fast become complicated if not approached rightly. Disagreements shouldn't be seen as setbacks , what is important is that both individuals involved should have reconciliation as a mutual goal while seeking a middle ground.

For those looking to settle down, bear in mind that it is very important to communicate one’s goals and aspirations clearly enough and be sure you are on the same page with your proposed spouse. Sometimes we don’t communicate our goals clearly enough, thus leading to major marital issues. To avoid this, we ought to carry our partners along should we desire to take life changing steps at any point and ultimately, we should allow love be our guide.

Marriage doesn’t thrive on selfishness.

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