Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Can The Honeymoon Phase Be Sustained?

I love visiting family parks. The lovely carpeted grasses with big shady trees do a lot to my spirit therapeutically. It is one of the few places where I find the kind of balance I seek; a safe place for my children to play and a serene place to get lost in my thoughts. 

It provides a sharp contrast to the madness on the outside; cars honking and drivers hurling insults at one another. It is where I remember there are birds because their music fills the air as the leaves sway beautifully in the direction of the wind.

You didn’t think I was making a post advocating for the development of more parks, or were you? Well, I just got carried away for a moment.

It was on my last visit to the park around my house that I spotted a couple who looked obviously in love and were wearing matching tees and jeans. In my head, I thought they had to be newly wedded. The old ones don’t always look so smitten and wildly in love. The ‘honeymoon phase’ would probably have phased out. But then that might have been a wrong assumption. I know that not all couples allow themselves hit that passionless bottom low. There are many old couples that fight very much to stay excited in their marriages and with their partners. They try not to get sucked into the ‘see finish’ realm ; the symptoms of which includes indifference, unattractiveness, disaffection e.t.c. As a matter of fact, many of them keep putting in work to keep the spark alive.

Marriage has many people like ‘wake up and smell the coffee’ with life fast catching up with us in the guise of kids and general responsibilities. This makes it even harder to make time for what brought two people together in the first place. We postpone things in our heads and assume our partner ought to understand why we are so disconnected. Arguments and fight take a toll on the attraction we used to feel and then the process of demystification slowly make us forget the special moments that used to be. Familiarity then slowly breeds contempt; we become so overly familiar that we slip in our duties as lovers. No more thoughtful messages and gifts or conscious efforts made to spend good quality time together. This can get so frustrating and slowly lead to dissatisfaction and resentment. In some relationships, couples find that they have wandered so far away from each other that they cannot find their way back to themselves, sometimes leading to separation/divorce.

This can happen to even the best among us if we don’t take conscious steps to stop it. Love is a beautiful thing and instead of allowing the fire go out in our relationship, we can consciously keep it glowing by our actions; Never stop dating, exchange thoughtful gifts, never get wary of forgiving, don’t allow yourself get distracted by the many people and situations out there. Love is a choice that has to be made every day in everything we do.

Get up and get on loving, the butterflies in your belly can still be stirred, you have to will yourself to do and feel. The ‘honeymoon phase’ shouldn’t be allowed to phase out.

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