Tuesday, November 29, 2016

7 Simple Things You Shouldn't Do When Resolving Conflicts (Part 1)

PhotoCredit:www.foryourmarriage.org
Romance novels formed a great part of my reading in my early teens, the predictability of the stories made that genre lose its charm for me as I grew in age. One could always tell how the characters relate and how the plot would unfold from just the summary. 

Did I mention the many assumptions contained in them were also a source of concern? The picture perfect imaginations painted had me spending the better part of those years daydreaming about a tall Adonis that had the missing parts to all my unsaid sentences. You know the kind that knew just how much air I could take in per minute and serenaded me to sleep every night.

The couples in those books hardly fight or disagree and when they do, it is always so cute, they don’t spit fire during their arguments and they get back together being stronger than they were before the fight.

Any one that follows my posts know just how much I berate the miseducation contained in all these works of fiction that has become some people’s standards. The anger isn’t directed at the writers for lack of creativity but more from selling unachievable dreams (no one should be blamed for that though).

People fall in love but everyday wouldn’t always feel like there is an extra spring under your feet and your partner wouldn’t always be the charming person you sat across on your first date. You would discover that there are certain things they might do that might set you off and also that they have flaws you have to look past. Situations may arise which may cause conflicts and you will be faced with finding the right ways to resolve it.

These differences wouldn’t naturally be resolved without some form of argument because as humans, we tend to resist opinions that are different from ours. These arguments however don’t have to spell doom. The Yoruba say it isn’t possible for friends of many years not to have disagreements. This statement resonates with married couples and those in long term relationships. Disagreeing on issues doesn’t mean you hate yourselves or that you are tired of your relationship.

On the contrary, it helps to strengthen the relationship by helping us to better understand our chosen partners.

There is the need to be sensitive about our spouses’ feelings when resolving issues. We ought to understand that the end isn’t about who wins but about moving forward in love.

When you disagree on issues , there are ways to approach and resolve the issues. Below is a list of things that you shouldn't while in disagreement with your spouse.
  • Do not nag: many times we assume that we are communicating by constantly complaining about a habit or thing that we don’t feel good about in our significant other. We sometimes mean no harm as this might be as a result of bottled up frustration but we would discover that it doesn’t resolve anything too. As adults, we don’t like being talked down to or being constantly harassed. Find other means of getting through to your partner without causing aches in their ears. If you keep nagging, they might feel the need to escape from you creating a gap rather than a resolution. 
  • Do not make arguments about scoring points: this can be very tempting but don’t drag your relationship through this very dangerous path. You are a team and you must remain committed to the overall happiness of the team. It isn’t ever about who is behaving or performing better, it ought to always be about the team and how you can both move forward.
(To Be Continued In the Next Post)

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