Monday, December 30, 2013

Are you interested in the container or the contents?

Still on the issue of digging deep in relationships, this one is directed at the young men out there. I can't help but notice the poor choices many young men make today when it comes to relationships. Forget about relationships, many young men are the architects of situationships.

I met a friend for lunch a few weeks ago and while we were discussing, he abruptly said "i need a wife'. I was taken aback because I never penned him down as the type to want to get married, have a family, the whole nine yards... Anyway, after I got over my shock, I asked him what he wanted in a woman, perhaps I could hook him up with someone. He said "She has to be really beautiful facially, beautiful enough for me to stare at all day and show off to my friends." Well, understandable, even i don't want to end up with an ugly man (just saying). I smiled and waited to hear the rest of the textbook list ...'she must be godfearing, demon-fighting, satan-chasing and so on but he said no more. There was one thing on his list and it was beauty.

Ok...deep sigh! he is not the only man I know that has what I can only term an empty list. Dear young men, what matters most to you? Beauty? booty? boobies? Is that all? For many, though the list is growing on paper, it is lacking in contents. So she's lightskinned, chubby or darkskinned and skinny or whatever your preference may be, but is that all that is important to you?

Dear young men, dig deeper than that! Come on! You know you can do better than a beautiful empty container. You need a woman that understands your vision for your life, a woman that can be there and lift you up when life deals you its most cruel blows. you don't need a 'ride the wave' chic. She rides the wave and when it subsides? She's nowhere to be found.

Choosing a life partner has nothing to do with beauty. beauty can fade at any time, and what will you have left? I was bored once and I started to check out famous CEOs and their wives... permit me to say their wives are not exactly supermodels but they are the necks turning their husbands' heads. They are intelligent, beautiful strong women that contribute to the wellbeing of their husbands and the family as a whole
and though they may not have the biggest behinds or the perkiest breasts, they are women that command respect, women that are pushing their men to be better than they are.

It is not about how she twerks at a nightclub or how many of your friends turn to stare at her when she walks into a room wearing an incomplete skirt, it is about how many times she encourages you when you feel you can't take a step further, it is about how many times she falls on her knees to pray for both of you. Her brains are important too! Many successful men believe they have the brains they need to make it so an intelligent partner is not necessary. Well, here's a picture: imagine a man that makes 30,000 a month and has a beautiful unintelligent wife that spends 20,000 from that on her beauty supplies? It's only a matter of time before they go broke and start begging for handouts.

You need to dig deeper than what you see on the surface; a partner that does not understand your vision will frustrate your efforts. If you don't believe me, ask a man who is married to a woman that can't hold an intellectual conversation with his friends, can't pray when times are tough and can't keep it together when she feels deprived of aso-ebi and the latest human hair in town.

Last piece of advice to you young men, an intelligent woman should not be intimidating to you. These days, I'm hearing men say "She has a masters, i can't date her; she's doing a PhD, I won't have a say in my own home." *shocked* where did you get that from? *Will be addressing this particular issue in another post. xoxo.


  1. An inspiring write up for men to follow. Thumbs up girl..............

  2. Loved this article! I am an educated woman and I had always dreamed of marrying a successful business man or a Pastor. I thought these two type of men would complement my social and educational standards, but was I mistaken. On December 23, 2013 while I was back on home for the holidays in Chicago; I was in McDonald's with my Dad and this man approached me. He was dirty and scruffy looking. However, much to my surprise he was just getting off of work. He introduced himself to me and my Dad. At first, I was like "what does he want with me?" I'm not in the mood for games! So, I laughed in my head. Too make a long story short. My GOD! After spending time with him (were still getting to know each other), he is thee most kind-hearted man that I have ever me. We never know how God is going to bless our lives.


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