Thursday, November 29, 2012

Create a Happy Marriage by Appreciating Your Spouse

Appreciating your spouse is the elixir for creating a happy marriage.

When couples get lost in the daily routines and responsibilities of life, they lose sight of what it is they appreciate about each other. They take each other for granted and forget to take stock of what they value about their marriage. Small gestures from a wife that once touched her husband’s heart now go unnoticed. If hubby forgets to do his regular routine of taking out the garbage, vacuuming the house, or picking up the groceries he gets verbally wacked. Why is it that married couples remain silent when their partner does something helpful, but they suddenly find their voice when something goes wrong?

All it takes is a little appreciation sprinkled throughout the day, week or month to shift a bland or unhappy marriage into a happier one. There may be deeper issues to deal with in the marriage, but without acceptance and appreciation, they’ll be difficult to resolve. When you start to appreciate your spouse, they feel loved and acknowledged which softens their heart and opens their mind to exploring further ways to heal the relationship.



If you are already in a fairly healthy marriage, finding ways to appreciate your spouse will deepen your connection and create a happier marriage. Here are some practical suggestions on how to appreciate your spouse.

Practice acceptance. Appreciating your spouse isn’t just about complementing their actions; it also involves accepting your partner just as they are; weaknesses and all. Acceptance creates a path towards appreciation.

Let go of irritations. How much time and energy do you spend focusing on what irritates you about your spouse? Does this help to change things? Most likely not, so try letting them go out of your consciousness and notice how much better you feel. This will have a positive ripple effect on your marriage.

Forgive your partner. When you notice your mind go on a rant about what your husband or wife did or didn’t do that annoyed you, remember that they are human and make mistakes just like you. Forgive their foibles and notice how this opens your heart into appreciation.

Focus on the positive.
What we focus on grows in our awareness so choose to focus on what you appreciate and enjoy about your partner. Share these reflections with your spouse on a daily basis as a way to create joy and intimacy in the relationship.

Unconditionally love your spouse.
Many couples create expectations and role identities when they get married. This puts pressure on the relationship and limits freedom, spontaneity and authenticity. Some people shut down or withdraw love when their spouse doesn’t meet their expectations. Let go of any perfect pictures or strings attached to your relationship and instead unconditionally love your spouse. This will improve your marriage significantly.

Acceptance, appreciation and love are the antidotes to an unhappy marriage and the elixir for a happy marriage. Start implementing them today and notice how much happier and healthier your relationship becomes.
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