Thursday, November 29, 2012

The "D" word. D is for Divorce

You're back to the name you left behind long ago. Memories of a family you intertwined with and shared many festive season with, suddenly has little or nothing to do with you. The children, how will they understand that mummy and daddy are no longer best friends? Will you now be seen as a bad influence on your other married friends?

These are the questions that arise over and over again in the minds of someone going through a divorce. Sometimes issues become irreconcilable and the marriage ends. As a result of doctrine many people shy away from the subject of divorce. Opinions vary, some people will tell you that biblicaly marriage is a covenant that should never be broken and divorce is a sin. Some will say it is only suicidal for a woman to remain in an abusive marriage.

However you look at it, divorce is usually a sensitive topic. Books abound on how to make your marriage work but divorce is also an issue many people are faced with, where do these people turn? It appears our churches have a 'Teens church, singles fellowship (those looking for a spouse), people who are married, people who are looking for the fruit of the womb (many publicised programmes are on this topic) and outreaches for widows and orphans.

By no means am I saying we should promote divorce and set up "The-Ministry-for-the-Looking-Into-of-the causes-and-Effects-of-Divorce" or a "Divorcees Congress". I don't have the statistics but we would all agree that divorce is on the rise . Where is the support for the people who's lives have been scarred by divorce? Do we just assume its their fault or do we feel they are a minority and unimportant?

Related blog: 8 lies that destroy marriages - Bill Elliff

I'm just saying we need to be conscious of the realities around us. We need to support one another through difficult times. Iron sharpeneth iron, let's edify one another. Instead of just labelling them divorcees and judging, let's encourage our fellow woman who has had the entire structure of her life changed by this sad experience and doesn't know where to start or where she stands with this status in society. Let's encourage that man who has all accusing fingers pointed his way and the children who are caught in the line of fire should be treated with utmost care and sensitivity. The church should be a family not a private membership club. We need to stop seeing the church as a separate entity, it is a congregation of real people with real issues and WE are called to be our brothers keeper, not to close our eyes in the face of pain or discomfort.

Related blog: The marriage institution is under serious attack

If you are divorced, dust the dirt off your shoulder and release your former spouse from the consequences of your pain. See this time as another stage in your life instead of seeing it like reverting to a former status. Your completeness does not come from another human being it comes from God. I am totally opposed to people using religion as an opium in troubled times but if you haven't already then build and maintain a relationship with God. He already knows you are not perfect and loves you anyway. He will separate your sins from you as far as the east is from the west. It doesn't matter what people say, if God is for you who can be against you? Hold your head up high you're a King's kid!

Ijeoma Olujekun

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