Monday, August 3, 2015

Five Important Things You Need To Discuss Before Getting Married



Times have really changed. I was watching a program on the TLC channel the other day. It is a reality show that follows the lives of different couples that were in long distance relationships but are engaged to get married. They get K1 visas to visit America and must get married or the foreigner goes back within three months. It is very interesting because lots of things come to fore. 

A particular lady caught my attention, she asked her husband to be if the ring he engaged her with was an authentic one and like that question wasn’t startling enough? She insisted that they go check the worth of the ring. That move said a lot about her personality and One need no soothsayer to know their love paradise would get a major stir.

This brings me to the major topic of discourse. We are so much in a hurry these days that we skip important conversations, this could be part of the reason why there so many divorces. Marriage is a very important step and being in love is not enough. We also need to have the right conversation before we take that step that can totally alter our destiny.

  1. Know each other’s medical background: Don’t be so caught up in your feeling that you don’t undergo the necessary medical tests to be sure of your compatibility. Most times I suggest people should ask their partners about this once it is established that there is good chance at a great relationship because it is easier to quit before things get really deep with our emotions being in the way. Another reason is to know if the other person is medically fit and in case of any mental or communicable diseases. I am not saying this necessarily have to be a deal breaker but at least you have tol be well informed about what you are about getting into. I’ll say however that marriage really does have its own drama that you might not want to stress or stretch your bond.
  2. Agree on faith: Our faith forms major part of our personality and our way of life. There so many Christians in the world today with different brands of Christianity. Do you share the same ideals? Some Pentecostals don’t think Catholics share their view on faith. This also goes for some Jehovah witnesses. So you need to be sure you are on the same page.
  3. Agree on Finances: This can be a very sensitive subject but it is what needs to be discussed. Marriage ought to be lifelong so you don’t wake up suicidal in the middle of it. Ask yourself and your partner basic questions. What are your spending habits like? Are you pooling your resources together? Is the woman very high maintenance? Can you sustain your partner’s way of life? If children come into the mix, will you be ready for them? This is not to scare anyone but to put things in the right perspective. You don’t want to make the decision to settle down with someone solely based on your feelings.
  4. Discuss the past/secrets: Are there any skeletons lurking in the shadows? It is better to bare it all. This allows room for openness and honesty. It could damage a marriage if one party finds out dirty details about the spouses past. You should let your would be spouse know if you have had an abortion that has made you sterile or if you have a child(s). If you were a cult member or whatever baggage you might have, it is better to lay it down. 
  5. Discuss your expectations: What plans do you have for the future? Are you career driven? Are you looking at putting childbearing on hold for a while? Are you in support of the dreams and aspirations your partner has? Are you planning on going back to school? How many children do you want to have? Do you want children at all? Do you think you can cope? All these questions need to be answered, it is better not to assume things. You both just have to be on the same page to have a smooth ride.
Marriage is desirable but that is if you get into the right one. You don’t want to wake up in the middle of your life, too old to date and dejected.

Remember it is for the long run, always ask the right questions.

Stay blessed.

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