It is very ironic that many
living Proverbs 31 women are being abused, undermined, unappreciated and
eventually abandoned by the men they dedicated themselves to serving. It
definitely makes one wonder about human nature versus scriptural truths, right?
I mean many subservient, hardworking and super-respectful wives are taken for
granted, while those who speak up, act as they please, and let themselves be
heard (the ‘un-virtuous’ women) seem to get the good husbands. Isn’t life
unfair? If you belong to the former group, you probably think it is!
I have come to understand that
most of the time in marriages, there are no victims, there are only volunteers.
And many Christian wives happen to volunteer themselves for abuse, lack of appreciation,
and a general lack of respect in their marriages, all because they are aiming
to fulfill the virtues of the Proverbs 31 woman. Before I address this Proverbs
31 woman issue, let me in a few sentences describe what many Christian wives
believe are attributes of the virtuous woman.
According to many women, a
virtuous wife has no authority in her home; she has no say in how the affairs
of the home are run, and takes instructions only from her husband. The virtuous
woman lives to serve her husband; take his coat at the door, untie his shoes
(well, not literally, but you’d be surprised some women do this), etc. The
virtuous woman prays before she approaches her husband on any matter; it’s like
approaching a government organization for a contract – prayer is a key
requirement. And of course, the future of the virtuous woman remains at the
discretion of her husband. He can decide whether she studies further or works;
He can decide if she can apply for a higher position at work or not. In
summary, the virtuous woman is simply at her husband’s mercy. Well, that again
is what you’ve been told to believe. Now let’s rustle some feathers!
Do you remember the woman from
Shunem who helped Elisha (2 Kings 4: 8-37)? You probably don’t. That part of
the scripture is mostly preached in the context of the miracle performed, and
not on the attitude of the woman herself. The Shunem woman was married, and
from all accounts fulfilled the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman. She was
caring and attentive, but get this; she also had a voice. She was the one who
told her husband they needed to build a place for Elisha so he could rest
whenever he passed by their house. She brought the idea and established it. She
didn’t imagine it, ask for favor from above for her to approach her husband
before pitching it to him; she spoke freely and put an idea on the table! If
you remember her now, you know that she gave birth to a son who later died.
After the death of her son, what did she do? She told her husband “Send me a
servant and a donkey so I can go to the man of God and come right back” (2
Kings 4:22). And though he had a little protest about her trip, she went ahead
and eventually saved her son’s life. This woman from Shunem realized her role
as a wife was not simply to whimper and follow her husband like a wet dog. She
had authority in her home, and she was well-respected by her husband for her
views and opinions. She knew what needed to be done, and did not let her
husband decide the fate of their family on his own. She was a help mate who
took action as soon as it was necessary! I guess now, you are wondering where
the idea of submission at all costs come from. We’ll discuss this in part two
of this post
Let’s talk about Ruth for a bit.
I’m sure you’ve heard of Ruth – the daughter-in-law who was self-sacrificial
and so loving of her mother-in-law Naomi, she willingly followed her to a strange
land where she knew no one. As you know, Ruth later met Boaz to whom she got
married. But what were the circumstances surrounding their meeting? Ruth was
busy! And nope she was not keeping busy to please Boaz! She was busy doing the
necessary things for her life- she was gathering food, and working hard to
sustain herself and her mother-in-law, and when Boaz found her, what did he do?
He elevated her from her position to be his wife. Bear in mind that Boaz owned
the fields where Ruth worked, so by marrying her, he took her from a mere
employee to a ‘madam’ if we can call it that. He noticed her hardwork and her
achievements and put her in a position of authority. So dear virtuous wives and
single ladies, what explanations do you have for delaying your success simply
because you are waiting to be found by your husband? Again, read part two of this post.
My last example before I explain
further is my favorite woman in the bible – Esther. I love Esther so much, I
often use her life as a point of prayer. Esther was a slave girl who ended up
with the king. Esther, like all the other girls in the harem did everything to
please the king! She bathed in perfumes and oils; she titivated herself with
beauty treatments and was taught to become what the king would like. But when
Esther faced a threat, she did what the king normally could not accept. She
approached the king without being summoned- an offence punishable by death! She
ran to the king for help; she did something worse than Vashti; she negotiated
with the king after he had sealed his instructions, and she won. God favored
Esther but only because she approached the king first! Why then virtuous wife
do you struggle with the idea of approaching your own husband with issues that
bother you? Why do you believe you have to simply sit and endure whatever
decisions he makes even if they are to your detriment? Esther could have been
quiet; yes, we won’t be so fond of her now, but she could have been quiet and
let the king’s decision stand. But it was to her detriment so she spoke up! And
he listened! If Esther, a slave girl who was at a risk of revealing her true
identity to the king and facing a possible death sentence could approach the
king courageously, I see no reason why wives become ‘puss in boots’ when they
need to make requests of their husbands.
Is it due to submission? Let’s assume it is! Please proceed to part two of this post by clicking here
No comments:
Post a Comment