Tuesday, August 4, 2015

How Not to RUIN Your Marriage (2) - Communicating Right

One thing I have always been sure of is that I don’t ever want to wake up in the middle of my life, when I am too old to date, and discover my marriage has become a boring routine of two people enduring themselves out of necessity. That is just way out of my dream, so I set out befriending different people, asking questions, reading books and learning from my own mistakes. It is from these, that I have made a list of workable things that could lead towards having a fun and love filled marriage.

I emphasized earlier on the need to stay desirable. Another very important point is that you should never get tired of talking.

Image result for communication in relationshipsWhatever issues you might encounter, it is important that you talk about it and you must never get tired of doing this. Some of the conversations might be difficult to have but I guarantee you’ll feel much better talking about it and probably being able to find a workable solution together, than you’ll ever feel staying mute or bearing grudges.

The thing about talking is it has some basic rules.First you need to know the importance of the two Ts which is : picking the right Time and Thinking before you talk. These points very well explain themselves. After you must have gotten your partners attention, bear in mind not to do the following:

Do not nag: Nagging is not an effective way of communication. I carried out a survey among different couples and everyone agreed nagging is downright irritating and achieves very little. If at all, it drives a bigger wedge between you and your partner. Most people that nag think that is how to drive home their point but this is untrue. Take for instance, people feel miserable around toddlers when they throw tantrums because the drama the child creates by doing that can just be downright annoying. It is hard trying to make sense of all that drama when so much can be achieved if the child tries to communicate his feelings the right way.

Image result for communication in relationships 
Do not ever compare your spouse to someone else: That is just so disrespectful. We all are different with different weak and strong points. While we might be opened to improving ourselves, nobody loves being compared to someone else. Don’t you ever say my ex makes my food this particular way or my mum would have done it this way. There are other ways of driving your point without adding fuel to an already burning fire. The idea of communicating is not to make your partner feel very inadequate. It is alright to argue in marriages but there are times we discover our actions hurt deeper than what we argued about. Every one loves to feel secure in their relationships so it really hurts when your spouse compares you to another person. Don’t be that insensitive spouse.

Do not raise you voice: The temptation to do this can be very high especially when you are really mad. So the key is for you to stay calm and probably not talk when emotions are still high. Give each other time to calm down. Chances are you might not even need a serious talk because most times we discover the things we are mad about are not really worth it.

Do not use profane/ demeaning words: Who doesn’t like scoring points? You’d find out you might want to say somethings that are very hurtful but then when the smoke clears, all that is left is tears and pain. It is just a disagreement you’d most likely settle but your choice of words will definitely hurt and haunt you long after.so be careful what you say.

Listen: Communication works two ways, someone talks, the other listens. That is how solutions are reached and relationships get nurtured. Don't be so in love with the sound of your voice that you miss the point your partner is trying to make. Remember nobody is keeping scores on who wins what.

Being in love doesn’t guarantee a smooth ride, there are always ups and downs but our attitude towards the downs is what makes for a great relationship. Relationships are built on communication, we can’t be good friends if we don’t converse well. We learn a lot about each other by talking about things the right way. So, If the sex is not right, let your spouse know, If it is mind-blowing, please tell. Whatever it is, just don’t get tired of talking and while you are at it, stay guided.


God bless.

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