Monday, February 10, 2014

Is Love Enough To Sustain Relationships?

Everybody loves that ‘head in the cloud’ feeling one gets when one meets someone new or at the thought of another the heart has grown very fond of. Every word said is treasured and replayed for hours in one’s head and every love song seems like the perfect soundtrack. Life seems to play in slow motion and the sun takes on a new glow. More than anything, we all desire for this feeling to remain but most times it doesn’t. Life happens and our fairy tale like period ends.

The feeling of being in love is one of the best feelings in the world but is it enough. After finding that special one, can one just take the back seat and relax in a relationship? Do you wonder at the high rate of divorce in our society these days? Could it be said that those couples never loved themselves?

After we fall in love, is the feeling all that is needed for a relationship to grow? Would it be alright to stay in an abusive relationship because somewhere at the back of one’s mind, one tells oneself one is in love and one’s abuser loves one but abuses one because of uncontrollable flow of emotions? Can a relationship grow when one partner is without potentials and motivation to become a better person in his/her line of career/profession? Would love be all that would be needed in a relationship between two immature minds that can’t handle everyday life pressures? 

Being in love is no doubt a great feeling but moving ahead and making a commitment is definitely deeper than that. Love is a beautiful thing but it is not what sustains marriages and long relationships. What then makes for a great relationship?

 Most old couples I have met tell me that real friendship is one of the things that sustained their relationship. Couples need to have great communication between them. They must be able to swallow their pride to iron out matters between them as they arise. When the fire of love seems like it is not burning well enough, the feeling of companionship should be there to make the union desirable.

Maturity is another important ingredient needed. Being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily have to mean losing individual identities. Trust is an attribute of maturity because with maturity comes a sense of security. This is so that there will be lesser cases of jealousy and unhealthy dependence in the relationship. I used to be a terrible nag before marriage. I remember being counselled on maturity, the lessons I learnt then has really helped me to change my approach to things.

It is also very important for couples to be equally yoked. Couples should have same belief system and values. This lies at the core of who we are as human beings. Our beliefs affect the way we live our lives and when we are with someone that is not in tune with such beliefs and values as we have, it makes for an unhealthy relationship.

Physical intimacy is equally crucial. Cuddling, hugging, kissing and so on is good. A good dose of all is healthy for a relationship.

Loving another is easy, keeping the relationship requires for both partners to be hands on. Love gets sustained when both partners stay aware that there are other things that keep relationship asides from the feelings they have for themselves. The beautiful feelings of first times can always be recreated with conscious acts like having date nights, exchanging gifts and the likes.

I hope you know that I am not trying to deny the necessity of love in a relationship, I am only shinning light on other things that keep a relationship after one might have fallen in love. If you have any issues in your relationship, pray to God about it and if you know where your flaws lie ,work on it. Also see a counsellor. Some issues are not as bad as they seem.

It is always delightful to be here, if you have a differing opinion or have anything to add, please use the comment box below.

Stay blessed.

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